The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades, I was thinking about plagiarizing current truths last week to send along to other comrades when I came across this glorious Progressive legislation that saved me from committing a thoughtcrime against The Party(TM). For any comrades that cannot see how glorious this new new new legislation is I recommend two Jiffi-Lobo's and call me in the morning. (...that is if you wake up, if you have enough diapers available, and if you do not opt for your lobe-ing with impalment spikes through the ear canal)


`Sec. 881. Cyberbullying

`(a) Whoever transmits in interstate or foreign commerce any communication, with the intent to coerce, intimidate, harass, or cause substantial emotional distress to a person, using electronic means to support severe, repeated, and hostile behavior, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.'


https://www.cyberbullying.org/

Re-Actionary Fools!


Finally, the article asks at the end:
Tell us what you think, comment on this story below.

Well... you could... but you MUST apply for clearance and a copy of The Current Truth form The Party first.

Does this mean I won't be able to harass Comrades Theocritus, Colonel 7.62 and others?

This appears to be a progressive Canadian law.

At any rate Leninka, you can engage in any conduct you like. After all The Party(TM) has free speech. Unless of course you say the wrong thing. Then if you are lucky, you just dig beets. If you are unlucky you also dig beets. But it is harder to dig beets while riding one of Commissar Theocriticus' impaling stakes, or being used as Revolutionary Target Practice(TM). Remember, never, ever volunteer for bayonet drill.

Thank you Colonel 7.62. And now, for some harassing: that Olympia, Washington place you live in certainly has a high number of fruitcake brains. Although, I must say, these types are all over. But they do seem to congregate in your state. One of my best friends from high school moved there many years ago. Her brain always seemed to be powered by a mixture of patchouli oil, granola bits, and Tom's Natural Toothpaste.

However, just to make you feel better, across the street from where I live, resides one of these types. She drives what I call a "Flea Egg" car, and after driving me nuts, with her pesky Organic Nacho-brain comments, I told her I never wished to speak to her again, and walked home in a huff-it is now a standing legend in the neighborhood. Of course, after many years we are cordial, but our contact is brief and superficial. We exchange no more than five words per year.

Megan Meier Cyberbullying Prevention Act (Introduced in House)

HR 1966 IH

111th CONGRESS

1st Session

H. R. 1966

To amend title 18, United States Code, with respect to cyberbullying.

IN THE HOUSE OF REPRESENTATIVES

April 2, 2009

Ms. LINDA T. SANCHEZ of California (for herself, Ms. KAPTUR, Mr. YARMUTH, Ms. ROYBAL-ALLARD, Mrs. CAPPS, Mr. BISHOP of New York, Mr. BRALEY of Iowa, Mr. GRIJALVA, Mr. HARE, Mr. HIGGINS, Mr. CLAY, Mr. SARBANES, Mr. DAVIS of Illinois, Mr. COURTNEY, and Mr. KIRK) introduced the following bill; which was referred to the Committee on the Judiciary

A BILL

To amend title 18, United States Code, with respect to cyberbullying.

Be it enacted by the Senate and House of Representatives of the United States of America in Congress assembled,

SECTION 1. SHORT TITLE.

This Act may be cited as the `Megan Meier Cyberbullying Prevention Act'.

SEC. 2. FINDINGS.

Congress finds the following:

(1) Four out of five of United States children aged 2 to 17 live in a home where either they or their parents access the Internet.

(2) Youth who create Internet content and use social networking sites are more likely to be targets of cyberbullying.

(3) Electronic communications provide anonymity to the perpetrator and the potential for widespread public distribution, potentially making them severely dangerous and cruel to youth.

(4) Online victimizations are associated with emotional distress and other psychological problems, including depression.

(5) Cyberbullying can cause psychological harm, including depression; negatively impact academic performance, safety, and the well-being of children in school; force children to change schools; and in some cases lead to extreme violent behavior, including murder and suicide.

(6) Sixty percent of mental health professionals who responded to the Survey of Internet Mental Health Issues report having treated at least one patient with a problematic Internet experience in the previous five years; 54 percent of these clients were 18 years of age or younger.

SEC. 3. CYBERBULLYING.

(a) In General- Chapter 41 of title 18, United States Code, is amended by adding at the end the following:

`Sec. 881. Cyberbullying

`(a) Whoever transmits in interstate or foreign commerce any communication, with the intent to coerce, intimidate, harass, or cause substantial emotional distress to a person, using electronic means to support severe, repeated, and hostile behavior, shall be fined under this title or imprisoned not more than two years, or both.

`(b) As used in this section--

`(1) the term `communication' means the electronic transmission, between or among points specified by the user, of information of the user's choosing, without change in the form or content of the information as sent and received; and

`(2) the term `electronic means' means any equipment dependent on electrical power to access an information service, including email, instant messaging, blogs, websites, telephones, and text messages.'.

(b) Clerical Amendment- The table of sections at the beginning of chapter 41 of title 18, United States Code, is amended by adding at the end the following new item:

`881. Cyberbullying.'.


http://thomas.loc.gov/cgi-bin/query/z?c111:H.R.1966:

"....brain always seemed to be powered by a mixture of patchouli oil, granola bits, and Tom's Natural Toothpaste. "

Sounds like the land of Tasty Flakes and Nuts where this fine bill originated from: California Rep Linda Sanchez. Oh glorious leader! I can not wait!

Comrade Leninka, you have committed a thoughtcrime. Olympia is full of glorious progressives. They have had so many Jifi-Lobos(TM )their brains ARE made up of patchouli oil, granola bits and Tom's Natural Toothpaste. To criticize that would be the same as criticizing Chairman Obama. Off to the Jifi-Lobo(TM) for you! (And get me some crullers on the way would you? The ones with the light glaze. And maybe some organic fair trade shade grown coffee. You know, the ones harvested, dried, roasted and ground individually by a clever aborigine in the jungle living in peace and harmony with Gaia.)

I'm afraid you are correct. My mind is still littered with the filth of the days I rooted for AuH₂0 (curse his soul) as a mere child, when my little sister so cutely said: "All AuH₂0 needed was some more electrical votes, and he would have won."

It is exasperating to me that sometimes, at night, mostly, the effects of the Jifi-Lobo wear off. I hang my head in shame and will take it to the nearest Jifi-Lobo for an extra cleansing, immediately. And your glazed donuts and Jungle Java are on their way.

Leninka, keep up the good work, and you may get issued a glorious People's Pocket Pistol(TM) cast from only the finest grade plastic. Naturally it will not work, but it will look impressive, and nobody will know if it will work or not. Just wave it around and act like you are in charge of the work detail and the proles will keep digging.

I always enjoy a good prole digging! Why, each time I am in the field with my Citizen's Army(TM) proscribed by his O'liness, I wave my People's Pocket Pistol™ around and away they go!

Little do they know it is merely a squirt gun...

Oh the fun we have in The Collective(TM)!

Definition of Thought Criminal:

This is a wonderful piece of legislation, but we must go a step further. We must also remove games that have online play that use competition and survival of the fittest. Games like Halo only perpetuate competition and thus leads to cyberbullying. We have been successful in removing competitive games from the school playgrounds and removing free thought from the classrooms. Let us now tear down the last bastion of evil free thought. We must force them to be good people.

Comrade Mon Tse-Tro,

What a glorious idea! We should introduce legislation at one to round up and administer Jiffi-Lobo to all proles playing such hateful games as Halo, World of Warcraft, and on and on.

Comrade, this excites me to no end, my Jiffi-Lobo scalpel will be busy beyond belief!