The People's Cube - Political Satire

Calling All Comrades,

I AM SHOCKED!!!!! It is a sad day indeed when we find one of our own fellow traveler Cubist, operating in obscurity, is truly none other than Leon "Pick Axe" Trotsky himself! Just look comrades, this explains all:



Your not fooling me for one second Colonel "7.62"! I know what kind of outfit you and the "Red Guard" are running up there in the Olympia Collective, I have evidence of your Kapitalist OFC franchises...

Be careful comrade, the Colonel has friends in high places.



And let's not forget his 11 secret herbs and spices...

2 tbsp. paprika
1 tbsp. onion salt
1 tsp. celery salt
1 tsp. sage
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. allspice
1 tsp. oregano
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
1 tsp. black pepper
1 tsp. marjoram
1 tsp. basil

Anyone up for fried chicken tonight at my luxuriously appointed command tent?

Ah ha! He admits it comrades! To the gulag with him! PITA Pecking Re-Programming(TM) is in order!

MMMMMMM, finger lickin Goood!!!™

Colonel 7.62, will there be cole slaw, mashed taters and gravy with some of your finest fried fowl?? Will a Comrade be able to get some breasts and thighs??

For you Comrade Zarkof, anything. Yes there will be all the fixin's. I'm looking to have a certain red fowl cooked up soon.

Lenin be praised it feels GOOD to be this well connected.

Comrades,

This explains why the Colonel at his museum in Corbin, KY, at his first store, was so deathly white and rigid the last time I went to visit.

Like all great leaders, he must have had many doubles, all similarly ice-picked, because he's all over Japan and expressing cultural (even regional and seasonal) sensitivity. Just look:

Ah hah Comrade Tovarich! More clues... see I knew this Colonel 7.62 was chasing me down with denouncements and show trials for a reason! It all part of his evil plan to fry the best damn rooster of The Party(TM) around! (ehrrrmmmm.. . the only rooster... but who's counting)...

I just hope he uses one of the new guns he was given recently when we meet:

Colonel 7.62 wrote:Anyone up for fried chicken tonight at my luxuriously appointed command tent?

Sure what the heck.

How do you like your coleslaw Commissar Elliott? Sweet or spicy? Also anyone have a good beet salad they can bring to the dinner?

RR, do you really think I'm foolish enough to use weapons you have given me? HAH! Now then, where did I put those herbs and spices? Since you have suggested this role of Revolutionary Chicken Cooker, I might as well play the part.

Revolutionary Fried Chicken. If you know what's best for you Comrade, it better be finger lickin' good!

Uh oh Comrade Colonel lost his glasses again.... the spices are right here you blind buffoon!

Comrade Whoopie wrote: ....And let's not forget his 11 secret herbs and spices...

2 tbsp. paprika
1 tbsp. onion salt
1 tsp. celery salt
1 tsp. sage
1 tsp. garlic powder
1 tsp. allspice
1 tsp. oregano
1 tsp. cayenne pepper
1 tsp. black pepper
1 tsp. marjoram
1 tsp. basil

QUICK! Someone throw me my shovel, I need to dig my way out of the chicken fryers fricassee! Where's PETA, PETA, PETAAAAA!!!!!

Aha! There she is:



Now then Comrade Colonel, you are no match for our glorious protector, The Granddaughter of Che!!!!! PETA bunny powers activate! Form of a rabbit! Shape of a carrot!

Keep at it Rooster boy! Before you even brought this up, I had given no thought to running a fried bird franchise. After all, Comrade Che Gourmet does the cooking, but there may be room for a fast food franchise in here somewhere.

I'm going to see if Red Square will give me the title of Colonel of Kommunist Fried Chicken. In Soviet Russia, finger lick you!

Ahh after much study and planning, I am pleased to announce Krasnoyarsk Fried Chicken! From Siberia to you!

Comrades, after a long day in the beet fields, or after getting released from Gulag, stop by a State owned branch of Krasnoyarsk Fried Chicken, and use your meat ration coupon for a shovel full of our delicious fried chicken.

Available in frozen, thawed, and overcooked, Krasnoyarsk Fried Chicken is sure to delight the Comrade seeking a state mandated change in diet.

The Lenin Meal includes 8 pieces of wings, a biscuit, spoonful of coleslaw, scoop of mashed beet, and a generous ladle full of watered down gravy. Suitable for at least a week's ration for the entire family!

Want more? Have excess ration coupons you need to get rid of in a hurry, or simply need to feed the entire collective? Our glorious Stalin Meal includes 400 pieces of chicken, 1 gross of biscuits, 15 pounds of coleslaw, 20 pounds of mashed beets, and four gallons of gravy. Sign up now to get on the waiting list!

Don't forget, each meal is self purging, and carefully prepared by Party Approved(TM) dieticians to ensure that you get your proper allotment of mind control drugs and other important nutritional aids.

Mention The People's Cube, and receive a free liter of vodka with each purchase!

Krasnoyarsk Fried Chicken-- State Mandated Finger Licking Suitable

Colonel 7.62 wrote:
The Lenin Meal includes 8 pieces of wings

Comrade Colonel, I trust those are all Left wings.

Naturally they are Comrade Whoopie.

Colonel 7.62 wrote:How do you like your coleslaw Commissar Elliott? Sweet or spicy? Also anyone have a good beet salad they can bring to the dinner?

RR, do you really think I'm foolish enough to use weapons you have given me? HAH! Now then, where did I put those herbs and spices? Since you have suggested this role of Revolutionary Chicken Cooker, I might as well play the part.

Revolutionary Fried Chicken. If you know what's best for you Comrade, it better be finger lickin' good!

I'm not in the mood for the coleslaw today comrade, however, if you pass me some more chicken, the red one, and mac-and-cheese, that would be greatly appreciated.

(off)
You'll have to forgive me, I don't eat cole slaw because I simply don't like it.

More red rooster for Commissar Elliot over here! And some mac and cheese. NOW!

Red Rooster, I can only suppose that you are so keen on fried chicken because you're a peckish cannibal.

Pssst Red Rooster,

I'd suggest if the heat gets to bad for you here, just denounce a few Comrades and get your hot wings into a witness protection program.

Comrade Snoogie Woogums,

Although I am a Rooster, I think I just laid a golden egg!!!! Who would have thunk it! The Daffy Duck School of Golden Yeggs that Commissarka Pinkie sent me to has paid off!

Enough of this chicken frying comrades, here this should compensate you for the duress caused by PETA pecking when all you wanted was some mmmm.... mmmmm.... good.... Fried Chicken!

Glorious Comrades,

I have killed mamed procured some progressive Kapitalists de-feathered creatures for the BBQ... nothing like a day in The Revolution(TM).... (we won't need mass graves for these proles)...

Come and GET IT!!!!

I declare RR completely reeducated. Welcome back, Comrade.

Pupovich has not ruled yet though. There may still be Hope(TM) for a glorious execution, followed by a Party BBQ(TM)

Thanks comrade Kommissar Blogunuv... I have been very busy this Sunday Obamaday, which just happens to be Fathers Necessary Idiot for Copulation Day, I have been traveling the lands taking out progs Kapitalist proles for The Party(TM) and spreading Bozomba's Good Will....

You'll notice a couple of the humanoid proles aren't too sure about our secprog ways, no matter Old Blue is loaded there behind me, just in case... Colonel there's enough for everyone pull up a chair and eat before The Children(TM) get any, it's the progressive way!

Old Blue might be used to march any proles who spouse counterrevolutionary thoughts to the Jiffi-Lobo for reeducation. After all, what do YOU do when someone who has been like a brother to you in his revolutionary fervor suddenly starts quoting Bill Buckley? Take our your pistol and shoot him? No. Rehabilitation.

Ah yes, and it's communist cousin, Commissar...

We need enough Useful Idiots to keep voting for His O'liness, Nansky, Harry, Babs Boxer and the other gang until elections are quite beside the point.

I think that His O'liness ought to force money onto Diebold and take control of how the voting machines are made. That would solve a lot of problems. None of hanging chad nonsense; the DNC War Room will just decide how much the progs will win by. Much like in Iran. Where the BBC interviewed most of 2000 Iranian ex-pats in London and found that the overwhelming majority were voting for Mousavi, but Abbeenafuckingjerk won with 80%.

Comrade Red Rooster,

I'm dutifully impressed. Are you from North Dakota? I hear it's big cock country. It's also safely far from Corbin, KY, which would give you a chance to reach adulthood instead of being murdered by the Colonel's Chain of Oppression to be fed to some eyes-glazed overfed too-thoughtless-even-to-be-reactionary human bovine.

Comrade Tovarich,

Thank you for your recognition of my devotion to The Party(TM). Big Cock Country eh, hrrrmmmm, I may have to ask The Consulate for a transfer, although I'm afraid if the Commissar over hears this talk of Big Cock Country we may be in for a deep frozen winter, just like home in the Motherland. Trotsky Colonlel 7.62 The Colonel's Chain of Oppression is no match for this Old Red Rooster, made of old meat that would bust the first proles tooth who decided to take a bite, not worth the progressive bones it sits on.

Which reminds Comrade Tovarich, have you seen Idi around? I have a few fowl proles here I want to talk to him about....

I'm afraid that in my position as culinary advisor to Idi Amin I advised him to flavor his long pig with juniper berries. And owing to an insult that he tendered me I gave him some special juniper berries which were actually castor beans. Dr. Amin is having some troubles right now.

Comrade Red Rooster and Theocritus,

My understanding is that "His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Conqueror of the British Empire" had a largely unacknowledged interest in the evolution of flight. Quite frequently he would throw subjects from helicopters or planes, perhaps waiting like Comrade Lysenko, for "spontaneous germination" of wings, veinous bat-like alar sheets, etc. But roosters, why, they're on the national flag of Uganda!

I'm guessing you can arrange the neccesary pull--or pluck, as the case may be.

RR, the red is to signify the high blood of your righteous indignation. Embrace your anger, foul fowl! It doesn't matter if you're black or white, as long as you're red in the face, like all good progs.

It's the anger that does for you, not the color of your feathers.

And why does everything get back to German colors?

Comrades,

Theocritus has a good point. If you're not angry, you're not thinking. As superior mental and intellectual beings, we are always thinking and thus angry.

Comrade RR, both flags do contain hints of red, on the crown (but of course) and tail feathers, as if you've just swept the floor (with an AK47) with your foes (like a good Party member who really knows what "reaching an understanding" means). I think these flags might be more fitting than you expect. Besides, they are ethnic and diverse.

Comrades I am the angriest and thinkingest prog here, can you not tell by my eyes DAMMIT!!!!

Yes Comrade Tovarich, Commissar Theocritus hit the nail on the progressive head, in fact, I was so touched by his statement that in awe, I could not respond. I believe it fits my progressive disposition perfectly. So comrades, if I offend your progressive feelings, just remember that I am:

Foul Fowl. Cretinous Cock. Asshole of The Aviary. Backstabing Birdbrain. Pernicious Pecker.
All music to my secprog ears....

I concur about the flags holy banners, Comrade Tovarich, and I have a peck in with "His Excellency, President for Life, Field Marshal Al Hadji Doctor Idi Amin Dada, VC, DSO, MC, Conqueror of the British Empire" for use of these fine flags in a propaganda campaignstarting a new empire when his Lordship Bareass Huchi Bozamba finds favor with my service to The Party(TM).

All Hail his B.O'liness!!!

Anger is great. Anger is good. But there is a time that comes when we owe it to ourselves to just have some quiet time as we reflect on the beneficence of the Lightworker Barack Hussein Obama.

He will heal our woes. When I think of Him, my heart goes pit-a-pat, and fire courses through my veins. My skin heats as though a thousand incubi graced me with O hickies. I hear his dulcet tones, honey flowing a fine hand-crafted, lead-free-glazed earthenware pot, and I am filled with heat, my breath coming in ragged gasps. Barry O. purrs, "I feel your pain..." oh, wait, that was some other prog, but he purrs in his deep-umber tones, "We are the ones we have been waiting for."

I melt at the sound of this, wanting to feel the stubble on his manly jaw, taking him in deep as he stares into my eyes saying, "There, there, my child. Just because it's your money doesn't mean that I don't have better plans for it than you do."

I squirm under him as his sanctified sweat drops onto my unclean body, my body on fire, sweat dappling my unworthy skin. Humbly I vow, "I thee promise to hold for naught all my earthly strivings and follow thee, just because what you're doing to me is the dessert to what you've done to the sanctity of contract."

Oh, sorry, O, I wish I had more to give to, sorry, unto him, sorry, Him, for sorry thing that I am I had thought that being self-reliant and honest and proud was enough when he, sorry, He, tells me that all is for naught, that nothing existed before him.

He is the Big Bang.

Commissar!

Wipe that spittle off your lip!

Shall I get you and his B.O'liness a room?

Red Rooster, it is my honor to be sanctified in public by His O'liness. We are all His play things. As an Oriental despot may have had 1,000 women in concubinage, so His O'liness has 300,000,000, and that does not count all the Euros who are gasping to touch the hem of his trousers, or any place else in his trousers.

The only problem is if TOTUS breaks down, will he remember how to do it?

Commissar Theocritus wrote:He is the Big Bang.

By Lenin, why did I not see this before? He is the Big Bang and therefore no matter how quantum mechanic quirks work their quarks and other particles, the grandest question of all has been answered, at least for the next nearly four years: The universe is deterministic, thus resolving one of the greatest physics questions of our times.

Comrade 0bama speaks and it is. You can't get much more deterministic than that.

It logically follows, then, that Comrade 0bama must never leave office, for that would cause things to become more probabilistic, chaotic even! And we dare not inflict that on our fellow comrades. Much better to control everything for them.

Where are those so-called "progressives" who claim the Constitution is a "living, breathing document"? Don't they know it needs to be killed to save Hillary's the national village? Then the Commander in Chief can become just the Chief, which is more befitting a diverse and ethnic top Muslim nation like ours. No more of this democracy nonsense: Just the Chief telling us what to do for our own good, just like in the paradises of Kenya, Papua New Guinea, Brazilian rain forest tribes, etc.

I better start carving a new hardwood shillelagh in His likeness.

By Marx, how right we are. The Tribe, The Tribe, it's all about the..... TRIBE!

Not Greece, not Rome, not even Egypt... but.... The TRIBE!

"Did you know that the American political right, the main subject of this article, claims our government was inspired by the tribes of the Iroquois confederacy of North America? Did you know that Karl Marx and Friedrich Engels claim the social order of their "scientific socialism" was also inspired by those very same Iroquois? "

Comrades let us not forget:
<br>"It should be evident that the Americanright hates communism because it is an unflattering mirror image ofconservatism with all of its ugliness being reflected by the uglinessthat was the Bolshevik experiment in the Soviet Union."

Projection prescribes projection.

Glorious Peoples Logic(TM), it's The Big Post-Modern Bang(TM).

I see, Red Rooster, I see. A Hall of Mirrors approach to the world.

Er, just when does the fat lady sing?

When We decide DAMMIT!!!

And more likely she Hummmmmmmms, The World Hum(TM), for singing would require notes, musical theory, composition, and bourgeois spittle.

Until then, let us inflect forms rather than words, make compound and derivative words, articulate the synthesis of intellect and emotion, until the abyss consumes us and a chicken coop is more fitting than a dacha.

We are already in the coup... er coop, glorious comrades.

I adore the synthesis of intellect and emotion; I figure that intellect is like anchovies in that a little bit goes a very long way. Whereas emotion--never have enough of that.

Why am a made prog? Because I <i>feel</i> so strongly.

Why can I say anything that I want? Because I <i>feel</i> so strongly.

Churchill said that you should make a martini by pouring gin into a glass and bowing toward France for the vermouth.

We progs should conduct our business by feeling with both hands and not bother with bowing toward any sort of intellection--gratitude diminishes our stature in our own eyes.