The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades, I must confess to you that for a while I was starting to get a little worried. The car companies were collapsing, the banks were collapsing, domestic oil production was being terminated, nuclear power has been dead for 30 years, yada yada yada.... I was secretly starting to ask myself, "Does Obama know what he is doing economically? Could it be that Geithner's inability to compute his own taxes using Turbo Tax^TM indicate incompetence? Were all the Clinton cronies he hired trying to get revenge by screwing things up intentionally and make the glorious Obama look bad?"

Well, I shouldn't have worried. Tonight, comrades, I have discovered the secret ingredient in the Obama economic Kool-Aid^TM and it is pure GENIUS! Here it is revealed in Der Spiegel:

The world believes that the US is borrowing money from capital markets. It is often said that the Chinese and the Japanese will buy government bonds. But the truth of the matter is that trust in the gravitas and reliability of the United States has suffered to such a great degree that fewer and fewer foreigners are purchasing its government bonds. That's why the Federal Reserve is now buying securities that it has printed itself. The Fed's balance sheet has more than doubled since 2007, making the US central bank one of the world's fastest-growing companies. The purpose of this company, though, is to create money out of thin air.

http://www.spiegel.de/international/wor ... 94,00.html

Comrades, this is the key to all our problems. California, New Jersey, even Alaska can just follow Washington's lead on this one and simply issue bonds which they then buy back themselves! If all the states and the federal government do this often enough, we will soon ALL BE RICH! Yes, each and every one of us will have more money than we could have ever imagined. We will all be able to wipe our personal behinds with cash because that's all it will be good for thanks to our great leader Obama and his loyal Democrats! Oh, I'm sorry I ever doubted you, your O'liness, please forgive me! You really are change we can believe in, and thanks to you our pockets will soon contain change we can believe in. Happy Days Are Here Again!

I'm going to start writing myself checks!

Glorious state of bankruptcy! Holy O Crash and Burn me down. I'm going to run out and buy some U.S. Bonds myself. I don't want to be a Johnnie Come Lately to this Gold Rush. They are the best possible investment. No government is safer than a government that invests in itself. Why didn't anyone think of this before?

RiCh! RIcH! RICH! We will all be RICH!!!!

This is a glorious day comrades!

I'm going to buy so many bonds I will be (dramatic gopher plays) unequal! WEEEEEEEEeeeeeeeeeeee. . .eeee. . . .

I will be more unequal than you Comrade Elliott!

This is like so kewl. This means that I can start selling Mary Kay. I'll just sell lots of Mary Kay to myself and be the biggest Mark Kay dealer in America, and get that fancy pink Cadillac. Well, if it works for Geithner...

That is brilliant, Bruno, brilliant.




Mr. Ed says:

Dear Bruno,

It turns out you are smartest one of all. At tomorrow's mega-inflationary prices, and that fact that women never do without make-up even in a depression, stashing Mary Kay away may be smarter than buying gold or silver.

It's brilliant brilliant brilliant! I am even now selling myself my house, car, bunker, People's Rifle, and People's Nuclear Weapons! I have made a profit so far of $0, but since the People's Math says all numbers are equal, I have made infinite profit!

Comrade Joe wrote:It's brilliant brilliant brilliant! I am even now selling myself my house, car, bunker, People's Rifle, and People's Nuclear Weapons! I have made a profit so far of $0, but since the People's Math says all numbers are equal, I have made infinite profit!

Comrade Joe wrote:It's brilliant brilliant brilliant! I am even now selling myself my house, car, bunker, People's Rifle, and People's Nuclear Weapons! I have made a profit so far of $0, but since the People's Math says all numbers are equal, I have made infinite profit!

Amazing! Using People's Math(TM) and by selling MYSELF my OWN DEBTS AND ASSETS I too have shown infinite profit! Hooray! We are all now equally wealthy! And now that we are in the digital age, instead of lugging around wheelbarrows full of cash, we merely have to use our WealthCards(TM) to purchase things, because a computer doesn't care how many millions of zeros come after the 1. Who cares if it takes a billion dollars to buy a newspaper, we'll just MAKE MORE! Yay!

As all progs know, for every freedom you get a responsibility and that's why we don't like freedom. Oh, uh, wait a second. There are two sides to everything. As all progs know, the pie is only one size. If someone gets a bigger slice, someone gets a smaller slice. Let's not ask we got out of caves.

Since we are all equal, this means that assets are merely liabilities by another name. And since we are all equal, we are all equally poor and rich.

The secret of being a made prog is to make sure that you are bailiff of as many assets that you need. Since you don't own them you cannot be a capitalist. But is you have usufruct of them, that's just fine.