The People's Cube - Political Satire

Yes, comrades, despite all the lies the Rethuglican naysayers and the "Red State" traitors of our party have been spreading, I have undisputable proof that our noble Progressive leaders DO have a workable healthcare plan, it WILL lower costs and WILL cover EVERYBODY!

Here is the chart drawn up by the geniuses in the People's Congress:



It was a little too big to upload here so here is the full version for you policy wonks out there:

Now, this chart may be a bit complicated for the low information types amongst us, so luckily there are people like Chairman Obama and Comrades Pelosi and Reid to do their thinking for them. I, however, was able to understand this document in all its glory; the key to the whole plan is the intricate network of intersecting arrows. An individual needing health services enters the maze network via the GATEWAY unless he can't find it, in which case he must contact the NAVIGATOR unless that individual is currently out to lunch, requiring him to try calling the STATE ADVISORY COUNCIL but he would probably be better off with the NEW FEDERAL INSURANCE REGULATION or the CURRENT FEDERAL INSURANCE REGULATION depending on whether the insurance in question is new or current. See how simple it is????

I can attest that this plan will definitely lower costs because it is a scientifically proven fact that anything based on a chart like this with lots of arrows and boxes ALWAYS lowers costs and the amount of savings is directly proportional to the number of arrows and boxes in the chart!

Now, there are still a few bugs to work out. For example, when I was trying to get from "Federal Gateway if States Request" to "Public or Private Non-Insuring Entity", I accidentally made a wrong turn and ended up in an auto body shop in Lawrence, Kansas. But, this is a small price to pay for a plan that will cover everyone and improve the economy, don't you think????

Opiate:

I was very carefully studying the above flow charts and the only thing that kept repeating over and over in my head during the entire time were the immortal words of our great leader Obama: “Ummmmm….errrrrrr……duuhhhhh”

Just kidding! However, I am having very a hard time finding the same algorithmic pathway that Joe Biden took to get his two very expensive brain surgeries for cerebral aneurysms. Also Ted Kennedy's algorithmic pathway to Boston's pricey Mass General to get cancer therapy for a terminal brain cancer also seems to be missing?? Robert Byrd's continued life support path is also not included. They must have accidently left off the path way that Senator Tim Johnson' used to get his brain surgeries as well as his lengthy and extravagant rehab period. Where are circular arrows showing the same continual pathway that Patrick Kennedy is stuck in for his alcohol and drug rehab?

Ooopppsss, now I see there are two different charts, one for us and one for them!

Proletarian Robot wrote:Opiate:

I am having very a hard time finding the same algorithmic pathway that Joe Biden took to get his two very expensive brain surgeries for cerebral aneurysms. Also Ted Kennedy's algorithmic pathway to Boston's pricey Mass General to get cancer therapy for a terminal brain cancer also seems to be missing?? Robert Byrd's continued life support path is also not included.

Ah, Comrade Robot: I believe there are exemptions in the new Health Care bill for employees of certain party organizations which are critical to the functioning of our glorious autocracy!

For example: there is "Teddy Kennedy's Driving School", "The Dodd-Kennedy Waitress Sandwich Culinary Institute", and who could forget Barney Fags Frank's "Boyz! Boyz! Boyz!"?

As our Comrade, Napolean the Pig once so aptly put it: "Some animals are more equal than others"

Proletarian Robot wrote: Ooopppsss, now I see there are two different charts, one for us and one for them!

Honorable android anti-imperialist, permit me to explain the Congressional wisdom in these matters; when Congress originally implemented the National Ponzi Scheme Social Security Program, they exempted themselves from it to avoid the ethical problems that would arise from them having control of a program they themselves would benefit from. Of course, the congressional comrades still desperately needed a retirement program of their own as 30-40 years of grueling 20 hour work weeks, 7 months a year plus mandantory participation in numerous show trials and overseas fact-finding junkets eventually take their toll on the most dedicated servants of the people. So they created a separate program for themselves. That they control. And benefit from. But it's separate from Social Security. So there's no ethical problems.

BTW, this same wisdom is at work with Congressional pay raises. It would be unethical for the People's Servants to vote themselves their much-deserved pay raises every year, so what they did is make them automatic for the next Congress and require a vote to cancel them. This eliminates the ethical dilemma because there is so much turnover in Congress, almost no one gets a pay raise.

I hope this explains the wisdom of our glorious Politburo to you.

Please comrade! I already have a migraine and this thing is making it worse.

Opiate et al,

Being a very low ranking party automaton my current level of programming does not allow me to assimilate any complicated data or to question authority. You may rest assured that I will continue to do my part as I fully plan on sacrificing further by pulling my family's life support plug when the time comes. This will help to ensure that valuable resources will still be available for Barney Frank's much desired sex change procedure.

Commissar_Elliott wrote:Please comrade! I already have a migraine and this thing is making it worse.

Fear not, Comrade Homer.... I believe there is a box in the chart for migraines (but I am not sure if it is for curing one or creating one.)

We're gonna hafta start a program by which we track the voting record of individual proles, otherwise we're going to waste resources prolonging the lives of republicans.

Opiate,
Thanks for clearing that up for me.
Looks like Obama will continue to led the league selling guns and ammo as us prols determine a quick shot through the roof of the mouth is better than the thought of contacting a doctor for a health care issue.
The man is a genius I tell ya!

Opiate of the People wrote:

Commissar_Elliott wrote:Please comrade! I already have a migraine and this thing is making it worse.

Fear not, Comrade Homer.... I believe there is a box in the chart for migraines (but I am not sure if it is for curing one or creating one.)

Hahaha. . . well, I'm all better now, and I still get confused looking at it.

Ivan Betinov wrote:We're gonna hafta start a program by which we track the voting record of individual proles, otherwise we're going to waste resources prolonging the lives of republicans.

An excellent idea, Comrade Brain. Perhaps we can use the allocation formula already in place for distributing the economic pork rinds stimulus funds: http://www.usatoday.com/news/washington ... blue_N.htm

Navigator wrote: Looks like Obama will continue to led the league selling guns and ammo as us prols determine a quick shot through the roof of the mouth is better than the thought of contacting a doctor for a health care issue.

Ahem. Comrade Navigator, I commend you on your perceptiveness but please be discrete about spreading this information or you will give away the secret behind the plan's cost savings benefits, if you catch my drift.

You mean like:

The government has determined a doctor of the government's choosing must administer a .45 caliber round to the forehead?
Further, said treatment remains the cure for 95% of America's health ailments?

Ooops...did I spill the beans?

Navigator wrote:You mean like:

The government has determined a doctor of the government's choosing must administer a .45 caliber round to the forehead?
Further, said treatment remains the cure for 95% of America's health ailments?

Ooops...did I spill the beans?

A statement did come out of one of the committees to the effect that savings would be realized by denying treatments in many cases where the potential benefits were not justified by the costs involved, such as prolonging the lives of the terminally ill, republicans and conservatives. The only reason "republicans" and "conservatives" were crossed out here is because these groups will likely be included under "terminally ill". God is the state, the state is god.

Opiate,
If that happens how will Obama pay to help those who are in their Left mind?