The People's Cube - Political Satire

Curious facts and oddities that will interest the progressive thinker.

• Barackina Pelosi-Stalin, a very progressive motorist from Nutly, NJ, has driven an automobile for over 30 years without ever having made a right turn. Her progressive principles will only permit her to make left turns even though this causes her trip to the shopping center down the block from her home to take 3 hours. "I do it for the children" states Ms. Pelosi-Stalin.
  
• Historians agree that the single most important reason the civilization of Ancient Rome eventually collapsed was its failure to implement a national single-payer healthcare system which would cover everyone, including the invading barbarians.
  
• Every day that the Rush Limbaugh radio program airs, another poor child in America dies.
  
• Kudzu, an artist from Flushing, NY, specializes in making statues of famous people out of human excrement. In spite of widespread critical acclaim, numerous shows in prestigeous galleries and millions of dollars in grants from the National Endowment for the Arts, Kudzu has never been able to sell a single work.
  
• Barack Obama is never mentioned once in the movie "The Greatest Story Ever Told."
  
• Kelly Fishka of Polyp, Ca, is putting her money where her mouth is when it comes to combatting climate change. In order to stem her personal emissions of deadly carbon dioxide gas, she has decided to exhale no more than once an hour. While her action would strike many as being troublesome and difficult on a personal level, Ms. Fishka says it has not caused her nearly as much hardship as has her effort to curb her personal methane emission by means of a large cork.
  
• Our country's Founding Fathers Parents did not read the Constitution before voting on it, either.
  
• Progressive comedienne Janeane Gawdawful had a fetus implanted in her uterus, carried it for eight months and then had an abortion. "My biological clock was ticking", stated Janeane, "I was almost 40 and I hadn't aborted a family yet so I had to do something!" What a trouper... both mother and aborted fetus are doing fine.
  
• Impartial observers insist the former Soviet Union's centrally-planned economy was NOT a failure; in reality, it was so successful that the other nations of the world became jealous and forced the USSR to disband it.
  
• The actual Jefferson quote is "Compliance is the highest form of patriotism."
  
• Willard Crispflush, a retired city employee and community organizer who has lived his entire life in Chicago, once had a next door neighbor who admitted to being a Republican.
  
• The city of Messy Falls, Idaho, does not yet have a single street or public building named after Barack Obama. By sheer coincidence, Messy Falls is not scheduled to receive a dime of stimulus money. For anything. Ever.
  
• Soviet traitor Leon Trotsky, embarrassed by his destructive opposition to Stalin, committed suicide by embedding an ice pick in his own skull. Interestingly, Trotsky's nickname during his Politburo days was "blue dog".
  
• Deceased persons vote Democratic by an overwhelming margin regardless of their political affiliation in life. This is thought to be because of the Party's relentless committment to the necro-rights movement.

Thanks! That's what I call "news you can use!"

Let me just add that Kudzu, an artist from Flushing, NY, who specializes in making statues out of human excrement, has recently made the most politically correct park sculpture: a boy petting a peeing girl. No doubt he was inspired by Number One's "wee-wee" comment.

In other news, a man named Barney F. has gained the reputation of the most polite man in Massachusetts. Whenever he sends someone to go f*** himself, he always makes a follow-up call to inquire whether the person found the destination and how it went.

Two other interesting tid-bits:

Francis Flugspiffin, of Harmony California was successful in stopping a proposed hydro-electric dam from being built in the nearby Flushing river. Francis had discover a colony of a rare species of homosexual frogs in the river. She then used the Endangered Species Act to protect the colony, from what would have been certain extinction, if the project had proceeded.

Bob Tingleknee, a professional liberal protester from Hope New York has perfected a small portable carbon emissions filtering device that safely captures and absorbs the fumes from burning American flags.

Armed with this info, I can't wait to go down to my local biker bar and challenge all comers to a trivia contest. I'll show them that what they think they knew about history was totally wrong.

I expect at some point, my smug righteousness will cause them to resort to thug tactics and in so doing prove that I won the debate. I shall wear my bruises as a badge of honor.

Comrade Whoppie, I suspect that after your encounter in the biker bar, you will become eligible to be a necro-proxy voter.

Red Square wrote: Let me just add that Kudzu, an artist from Flushing, NY, who specializes in making statues out of human excrement, has recently made the most politically correct park sculpture: a boy petting a peeing girl. No doubt he was inspired by Number One's "wee-wee" comment.

In fairness, I think Number One's comment has been taken out of context. He was just commenting on his poll numbers.

Red Square wrote: In other news, a man named Barney F. has gained the reputation of the most polite man in Massachusetts. Whenever he sends someone to go f*** himself, he always makes a follow-up call to inquire whether the person found the destination and how it went.

I hear Barney also offers directions so one needn't use one's GPS - unless one really wants to!

Comrade Snoogie Woogums wrote: Francis Flugspiffin, of Harmony California was successful in stopping a proposed hydro-electric dam from being built in the nearby Flushing river. Francis had discover a colony of a rare species of homosexual frogs in the river. She then used the Endangered Species Act to protect the colony, from what would have been certain extinction, if the project had proceeded.

Kudos to Francis! The latest news is that the dam project will not be cancelled; in order to preserve the stimulus funds the dam will instead be relocated to a different site. Utilizing a radical new approach, they are going to build it across Interstate 5. (I guess after years of drivers saying "Dam this traffic", it finally is going to happen!)

Comrade Whoopie wrote: I expect at some point, my smug righteousness will cause them to resort to thug tactics and in so doing prove that I won the debate. I shall wear my bruises as a badge of honor.

Yes, Comrade Whoopie, please wait until Obamacare is a reality before doing this. You wouldn't want some two-bit EMR physician saying there's no point in treating you; you deserve to have a real live government bureaucrat do it!

So many interesting tid-bits, I must memorize them, because I am a nut for tid-bits.

I heard former Leader W.J. Clinton stopped the executions of two journalists in North Korea, merely by showing up.

Here are more useful tidbits for you -
==================

Did you know that...

The Obama Administration has given three hundred million dollars of stimulus money to develop a special type of government computers capable to interpret the verbal command "CRAP!" as a signal to undo a series of latest actions made by the government.

If the guilty can't be found, that means they're already in power.

If you're lost in the Alaskan wilderness, call out as loudly as possible. That way you'll prevent the endangered grisly bear from becoming extinct.

How do you tell your left foot from your right foot? The left foot's big toe is located on the right.

Commissar_Elliott wrote:So many interesting tid-bits, I must memorize them, because I am a nut for tid-bits.

I heard former Leader W.J. Clinton stopped the executions of two journalists in North Korea, merely by showing up.

Why hasn't something more been made of this?

Did clinton join the Mile High Club enroute back to the states?

There was a time when clinton couldn't be trusted in an elevator with another woman. Imagine the shock of the two female journalists? "Now were screwed"

If clinton didn't return successful would the press have said: "Close but no cigar?"

Was a laundry and a DNA lab onboard?

So many questions and so little answers when you are bargaining with terrorists.

If Obama is Number One WHO IS NUMBER TWO?! (For the full effect, you need a Nehru jacket and a big beachball thingy floating around.)

Something like this?

This just in...

Long time French-Philipino-American proponent of black dog as a fast food delicacy, Fiesh Eese LeSewer, said today he finally received funding for his Black Dog In The Box fast food chain thanks to Obama! The Democratic promoted and progressive fast food restaraunt chain gang will feature the aptly entitled Cloward-Piven Burger made with Black Dog and Brown Sugar as it's main smack back at the Big Mac.

Later that evening, in a Lost Angeles ouji board and channeling session, Ray Kroc stated: "I once got busy in a Burger King bathroom, I enjoy a good Milk Shake, but I've never used Brown Sugar or Black Dog."

Red Square wrote: If you're lost in the Alaskan wilderness, call out as loudly as possible. That way you'll prevent the endangered grisly bear from becoming extinct.

I thought the point of screaming when lost in Alaska was to prevent Sarah imPali'n from shooting you. She can't tell the difference between a human and an endangered seal.

Vladimir Kennedy, the son of Patrick Kennedy is making a name for himself teaching classes like "Cuba's Sustainable Agricultural Economy," and "Wind Turbine Cuisine," (how to recycle birds that fly into wind turbines).



Gees, keeping up with the creativity of the above posts gives me a headache. I feel like my brain is about to explode.

Leninka wrote:Vladimir Kennedy, the son of Patrick Kennedy is making a name for himself teaching classes like "Cuba's Sustainable Agricultural Economy," and "Wind Turbine Cuisine," (how to recycle birds that fly into wind turbines).



Gees, keeping up with the creativity of the above posts gives me a headache. I feel like my brain is about to explode.

Wait! Vladimir Kennedy can teach a course about that: 1001 Uses For Exploded Brains! It will be required for all gulag commandants and Olberman's staff.

Comrade Opiate of the People,

Brilliant idea! It could be supported by a grant from "The Ted Kennedy Living with the Guilt of Murder Brain Trust."