The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades! Despite the efforts of the RethugliKKKan party, progressive legislation that reinforces the victim class, establishes classes of more equal persons, and in general sounds really good has recently passed as a rider on an evil defense funding bill.

This heroic act of legislation ensures that murder, assault and other acts towards person because of race, religion, sexual orientation, and membership in the Democratic Party are actually treated as MORE HORRIBLE than normal!Commissar Theocritus, I'm sure you glory in being MORE EQUAL simply because of your sexual orientation, and I'm sure countless other comrades here will enjoy being more equal, and more protected than their fellow proles.I'm certain Chairman Obama will sign this important piece of legislation, and appoint another one of his Czars which do not have to answer to Congress to oversee this. Yes, a Hate Crimes Czar. Glorious is it not? Today will go down in history as the day when the Victim Class(TM) was permanently enshrined in law and preserved for future exploration protection by The Party(TM). With any luck, the next bill will outlaw all political parties except for the Democrats, and perhaps mandate the sterilization of white people who were not registered Democrats prior to the ascension of Chairman Obama.

Of course! All other political parties must be outlawed because, by definition, they oppose the Democrats; therefore, they must stand for HATE because the Democrats are the party of TRUTH, LOVE, TOLERANCE, and UNICORNS. Thus belonging to ANY other political party must be a HATE CRIME! As Comrade Stalin might have said, "The Party is Perfect so you must be nuts to want another one. Which is why all of my opponents must report to the gulag hospitals for psychiatric treatment with bullets."

(Strike-throughs in Comrade Stalin's remarks courtesy of the NY Times.)

Colonel 7.62 wrote: I'm certain Chairman Obama will sign this important piece of legislation, and appoint another one of his Czars which do not have to answer to Congress to oversee this. Yes, a Hate Crimes Czar.

I propose Slobodumb Sonofabitch for hate crimes czar.

I nominate Roman Polanski as Hate Crimes Czar!

Colonel 7.62 wrote:I nominate Roman Polanski as Hate Crimes Czar!

Good selection but I think Comrade Polanski is already the Rape Czar ... or is he the Child Safety Czar ... I get them mixed up.

I nominate Comrade Tookie Williams as the Hate Crimes Czar.



This has many advantages. First, who would know more about hate crimes than a man convicted of killing 4 people for hate crimes; 1 white ("because he was white and I am killing all white people") and 3 asian ("Buddha-heads").

Second, Comrade Williams was executed for these alledged crimes and is now dead. This means that he is now eligible to be a necro-proxy voter!

And let us not forget that he was a five time Nobel Peace Prize nominee. Only the racist conservatives kept him from his reward.

Comrades, this is an equal-equal situation for us. We dare not pass it up.

Comrades,

I think Comrade Rev. Jeremiah Wright would be the best candidate for Hate Crimes Czar. At least he's still alive.

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ZB