11/12/2009, 4:36 pm
My fellow comrades:
So far we've tried everything to raise awareness about the catastrophic consequences looming from the crisis of climate change.
Wristbands. Ribbons. Movies and books by Al Gore. The simultaneous rock concerts of “Live Earth” thundering all over the world on one glorious summer day.
Setting aside one day a year to switch off lights for one hour in the evening.
Signing proclamations underwater.
Even breaking off a chunk of Greenland to tow around the British Isles in 2012.
And still, the masses just don't seem to care. In fact, fewer people care now than ever before.
I don't get it. Something is seriously wrong here. This simply doesn't make a bit of sense, after all we've tried to do to call the world's attention to it!
As I said, we've tried everything.
Or have we?
Church Bells to Ring Out Warning on Climate Change
Ah, like the tocsins of the French Revolution, summoning the masses to pack up the kids and picnic baskets, and hasten to the town square for a few rounds of exciting head-to-head action with Madame Guillotine.
What noise does YOUR tradition offer? Beet of the Week to whosoever can tell me what I'm thinking.
I can't think of a clearer message than that to send to the world, can you?
Well, of course they have the right to use their bells for whatever they want. They're simply not allowed to accept money from the government to do it.
Imagine hearing all those bells and gongs and drums going off all around you, at the same time! What a noise! What a cacophony! Dogs will howl, and babies will wail. It will be a sound such as no other, heard around the world.
“Ma! Ma! What's that infernal noise? Is there a tornado coming?”
“Don't be silly, Pa, we're supposed to be out of tornado season now. Though what with Al Gore and all that climate change talk and whatnot, tornado season could be all the time now.”
“Air raid? Is it an air raid?”
“Don't be silly, Pa, this is the United States of America, Barack Obama is the President, and he's long since apologized to the rest of the world for us being way too big for our collective britches. Who would ever dare to attack us now?”
“Then what IS it, Ma? I'm tryin' to watch football!”
“Listen, Pa, listen. Count the bells. How many times did they ring?”
“Confound it, Ma, you know I went to public school and can't count past twenty-six. That's why I'm so consarned impressed that Obama hacked all of 100 million dollars from the federal budget.”
“Look, Pa, you got your remote control and your (cough) smart box and your satellite dish with 350 channels. If you can count those channels, you can count how many times the bells are a'ringin'. They're ringin' 350 times and you'll never guess for what.”
“350? Well, of course I know what that means, Ma. I told you, I went to public school. That's how many millions of acres of Amazon rainforest are being destroyed every minute to make way for Wal-Marts and fast food restaurants.”
“Close, Pa, but not quite. Don't forget, I went to public school, too. No, 350 is the number of polar bears who drowned when global warming caused the ice to melt beneath them during the time it took to ring them bells 350 times.”
(Junior skips into the room.)
“Ma, Pa, you're both wrong again. Everyone knows those 350 chimes are for the 350 parts per million marking the safe upper limit for carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.” (cough) “According to scientists. Well, maybe not all of them, but a lot of them.”
(Ma slaps hand to bosom.) “Oh my stars! Pa! Junior! You know what this means, don't you?”
(Everyone choruses.) “The time to raise awareness about climate change is NOW!”
Sha-zam!
Comrades, this is it! This is the answer—or should I say, this is the ultimate wake up call that all of the world is sure to answer! They have to!
This is guaranteed to get everyone's attention now! We'll raise that awareness yet!
Then we can finally sit down and start talking about which exotic resorts we'd like to book for the series of annual conferences we'll have to have on what we hope to accomplish with our newfound, total global awareness of climate change.
At last, we're going to start getting somewhere!
So far we've tried everything to raise awareness about the catastrophic consequences looming from the crisis of climate change.
Wristbands. Ribbons. Movies and books by Al Gore. The simultaneous rock concerts of “Live Earth” thundering all over the world on one glorious summer day.
Setting aside one day a year to switch off lights for one hour in the evening.
Signing proclamations underwater.
Even breaking off a chunk of Greenland to tow around the British Isles in 2012.
And still, the masses just don't seem to care. In fact, fewer people care now than ever before.
I don't get it. Something is seriously wrong here. This simply doesn't make a bit of sense, after all we've tried to do to call the world's attention to it!
As I said, we've tried everything.
Or have we?
Church Bells to Ring Out Warning on Climate Change
The World Council of Churches on Thursday called on churches around the world to ring their bells 350 times during the Copenhagen climate change summit on December 13 as a call to action on global warming.
Ah, like the tocsins of the French Revolution, summoning the masses to pack up the kids and picnic baskets, and hasten to the town square for a few rounds of exciting head-to-head action with Madame Guillotine.
"On that Sunday, midway through the UN summit, the WCC invites churches around the world to use their bells, drums, gongs or whatever their tradition offers to call people to prayer and action in the face of climate change," the council said in a statement.
What noise does YOUR tradition offer? Beet of the Week to whosoever can tell me what I'm thinking.
By sounding their bells or other instruments 350 times, participating churches will symbolise the 350 parts per million that mark the safe upper limit for CO2 (carbon dioxide) in the atmosphere according to many scientists," it added.
I can't think of a clearer message than that to send to the world, can you?
"In some countries, the question has been raised whether churches have the right to use their bells for what may be considered to be a political campaign," said Guillermo Kerber, WCC programme executive on climate change.
Well, of course they have the right to use their bells for whatever they want. They're simply not allowed to accept money from the government to do it.
Imagine hearing all those bells and gongs and drums going off all around you, at the same time! What a noise! What a cacophony! Dogs will howl, and babies will wail. It will be a sound such as no other, heard around the world.
“Ma! Ma! What's that infernal noise? Is there a tornado coming?”
“Don't be silly, Pa, we're supposed to be out of tornado season now. Though what with Al Gore and all that climate change talk and whatnot, tornado season could be all the time now.”
“Air raid? Is it an air raid?”
“Don't be silly, Pa, this is the United States of America, Barack Obama is the President, and he's long since apologized to the rest of the world for us being way too big for our collective britches. Who would ever dare to attack us now?”
“Then what IS it, Ma? I'm tryin' to watch football!”
“Listen, Pa, listen. Count the bells. How many times did they ring?”
“Confound it, Ma, you know I went to public school and can't count past twenty-six. That's why I'm so consarned impressed that Obama hacked all of 100 million dollars from the federal budget.”
“Look, Pa, you got your remote control and your (cough) smart box and your satellite dish with 350 channels. If you can count those channels, you can count how many times the bells are a'ringin'. They're ringin' 350 times and you'll never guess for what.”
“350? Well, of course I know what that means, Ma. I told you, I went to public school. That's how many millions of acres of Amazon rainforest are being destroyed every minute to make way for Wal-Marts and fast food restaurants.”
“Close, Pa, but not quite. Don't forget, I went to public school, too. No, 350 is the number of polar bears who drowned when global warming caused the ice to melt beneath them during the time it took to ring them bells 350 times.”
(Junior skips into the room.)
“Ma, Pa, you're both wrong again. Everyone knows those 350 chimes are for the 350 parts per million marking the safe upper limit for carbon dioxide in the atmosphere.” (cough) “According to scientists. Well, maybe not all of them, but a lot of them.”
(Ma slaps hand to bosom.) “Oh my stars! Pa! Junior! You know what this means, don't you?”
(Everyone choruses.) “The time to raise awareness about climate change is NOW!”
Sha-zam!
Comrades, this is it! This is the answer—or should I say, this is the ultimate wake up call that all of the world is sure to answer! They have to!
This is guaranteed to get everyone's attention now! We'll raise that awareness yet!
Then we can finally sit down and start talking about which exotic resorts we'd like to book for the series of annual conferences we'll have to have on what we hope to accomplish with our newfound, total global awareness of climate change.
At last, we're going to start getting somewhere!
