The People's Cube - Political Satire

Greetings Proles:

Now that the blockbuster movie AVATAR has made me the Goddess of GAIA for the Planet Earth, I have accepted the Party Leaders' appointment of me to preside over the GAIA Ministry, in which capacity my title is "GAIA Minister Neytiri."

Here is my official portrait, which, henceforth, must be posted at all official locations wherever it would be appropriate to post images of our Maximum Leader, and, of course, posting of my official portrait inside lockers of Prole atheletes is officially encouraged:


The Party Leadership has become quite dissatisfied with the extent of environmental waywardness by a growing number of proles disheartened by ClimateGate and the failure of The Copenhagen Summit to galvanize all Earthlings into eager compliance with their duties as pawns of Nature.

Likewise, the Party Leadership has become disatisfied with the failures of influential party members to sufficiently compensate the Collective for their understandable failures to apply to themselves the standards that all proles must faithfully satisfy.

We all need to constantly remind ourselves of the time-tested wisdom that even though we are all "equal," some of us must, of necessity, be more equal than others. Thus, we all understand that application of equal standards to GAIA Luminaries (i.e., influential Party Members responsible for the War Against Global-Warming Deniers and Eco-Criminals) and to proles alike necessarily means requiring penances from wayward proles and carbon indulgences for GAIA Luminaries.

Therefore, the Party Leaders have empowered me to police not only the actions of proles but also those of influential members of the Party purporting to be diligently seeking Progressive Implementation of fidelity to GAIA in the Heroic Struggle Against Global Warming and the Climate-Change Deniers.

Consequently, I have already begun discharging my duties by hearing confessions of proles guilty of wayward deviations from Progressive Compliance With the Natural Order and prescribing penances for them to avoid being transferred to the Eco-Criminals Gulag. I have also begun hearing the needs of GAIA Luminaries



Is there any video of my sessions hearing the needs of GAIA Luminaries for Carbon Indulgences? Yes.

EMBEDDED VIDEO NO LONGER AVAILABLE

Perhaps an administrative assistant can re-code my post to make the embedding function operational. I will, of course, reward such assistant handsomely with some highly specialized indulgences.

Another, equally important aspect of my duties, is to continue using my raw sensuality to influence young males to continue drinking the Copenhagen Kool-Aid. In that respect, I'm told by reliable sources that posters of me are becoming more popular among young males than posters of Kim Kardashian naked or even posters of the voluptuous Helen Thomas.



One question that may be on the minds of High Party Officials (i.e., GAIA Luminaries) is this: "Where can High GAIA Luminaries go to obtain Carbon Indulgences directly without having to go through s special hearing before GAIA Minister Neytiri?" The answer is simple, so to aid such GAIA Luminaries, I provide instructional images below.

Here's the address (some construction is still going on):




Here's a picture inside the headquarters where Carbon Indulgences can be acquired:



Now that I've explained my function and authority, I invite Proles and GAIA Luminaries alike to submit confessions of waywardness in order for me to order penances (for Proles) or grant indulgences (for luminaries). Of course Proles and GAIA Luminaries are also welcome to submit questions or seek advice on how to conform to Progressive Standards in any area pertaining to our duty to the GAIA Collective.

Dear Comrade GAIA Minister Neytiri
First of all, congratulation on your ascension in the Party Elitehoodum. I'm sure glorious Leader and his middle finger assistant, Rahm, appointed you with great pride and no vetting. As for confession time, I got released from our glorious gulag today and sure as hell ain't going and think I'll stay quiet for now

Somehow the Peoples Tools are not letting me revise and extend my remarks to add the video I described in the initial posting. I must consult Maximum Leader to discern whether the tools have failed me or I have failed the tools. A rather inauspicious beginning.

Here's the video of my first session of hearing the needs of GAIA Luminaries and dispensing appropriate carbon indulgences:

Well, so much for the functionality of the coding for inserting YouTube videos.

I'll wait for further instrucitons from Maximum Leader.

Whoo! Return to nature! Survival of the fittest! Throw the sick and the disabled on the compost heap! THAT'S sure to reduce carbon emissions.

I am one happy parsnip right now. Good luck, Minister, and Gaiaspeed!

IS that a drum circle I HEAR?

IS that patchouli and hemp I SMELL?

IS that a Green Goddess salad dressing on my organically grown fair traded mixed greens?

I must be near Gaia. I can FEEL her presence!

FEEL! Yes FEELINGS!...Feelings...Whoa-oh...oops. I almost broke into song.

Hmmmm, I don't recall see anything posted in the Inner Party sanctum sub rosa announcing your wide ranging authority. But, to your credit, you are a naked female without pubic hair and you're blue (which I recognize as the new red). So welcome to the Party.

I just have one question. If you were choking on a beet, what color would you turn?

Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:Dear Comrade GAIA Minister Neytiri
First of all, congratulation on your ascension in the Party Elitehoodum. I'm sure glorious Leader and his middle finger assistant, Rahm, appointed you with great pride and no vetting. As for confession time, I got released from our glorious gulag today and sure as hell ain't going and think I'll stay quiet for now

Thanks for the congratulations. As you can see from the image showing the inside of GAIA Chairman Gore's office for dispensing Carbon Indulgences, my vetting was done by Party Chairman Emeritus William J. Clinton, who can be seen in that picture preparing to vet a member of my staff. For you convenience, I am displaying a close-up of that image below:


We have found him most eager to vet staff members. Thus, I assure you I was well vetted before accepting this post so vital to the Collective.

Partitioned Pasternak wrote:Whoo! Return to nature! Survival of the fittest! Throw the sick and the disabled on the compost heap! THAT'S sure to reduce carbon emissions.

I am one happy parsnip right now. Good luck, Minister, and Gaiaspeed!

Comrade Partitioned Pasternak,

Yes, we are in the process of fitting loyal members of the Collective to be survivors of our purges of Enviro-Criminals such as TeaBaggers.

Laika the Space Dog wrote:IS that a drum circle I HEAR?

IS that patchouli and hemp I SMELL?

IS that a Green Goddess salad dressing on my organically grown fair traded mixed greens?

I must be near Gaia. I can FEEL her presence!

FEEL! Yes FEELINGS!...Feelings...Whoa-oh...oops. I almost broke into song.

I sense that you are at one with GAIA. If you want to learn a Progressive song, perhaps you should hear my singing of "AVATAR":

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvYJnWdx9mE

Soothing, isn't it?

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Hmmmm, I don't recall see anything posted in the Inner Party sanctum sub rosa announcing your wide ranging authority. But, to your credit, you are a naked female without pubic hair and you're blue (which I recognize as the new red). So welcome to the Party.

I just have one question. If you were choking on a beet, what color would you turn?

Comrade Whoopie,

You are correct that blue is the new red. Regarding pubic hair, on Pandora we progressively evolved without pubic hair. It is a vestige of individual privacy that posing an existential threat to the collective mindset, and thus, it's a characteristic that long ago became extinct in our long march into collective utopia. We just need to get Earthlings to shed their vestiges of privacy as did the Na'vi Wannabes when they gathered naked on a Swiss Glacier to communicate to the Glacier their allegience to GAIA. (Unfortunately, these Navi Wannabes still have not evolved past the pubic-hair stage, but they're trying their best to shed their vestigages of individualism and privacy to become obedient members of the GAIA Collective.)


.

I just want to contratulate my "other self" for being able to morph into such a hot babe and then morph back into my other persona. I've always been able to morph from one role to another, from one position to another, etc. without even breaking a sweat. It's how I rose so high in the Party. Needless to say, not only has my revenue for selling "Carbon Credits" skyrocketed since James Cameron arranged for me to morph into Neytiri and use my raw sensuality to reach the pliable minds of young-adult males, but I've also enjoyed my transition from the "Alpha Male" role (for which Naomi Wolfe counseled me when I was campaigning in 2000), but now I enjoy these opportunities to exhibit my "feminine" side. Here I am after Cameron's genetic scientists morphed me into a female but before they morphed me into a blue female.



It's one of my favorite pictures in my "family" album. Now, instead of being the Incredible Hunk (Alpha Male), dangers to Mother Earth cause me to morph into the Incredible Ho, Neytiri, Goddess of Nature, GAIA Minister at ThePeoplesCube. As they say in the Gulags, "Life is Good."

Big Fur Hat has exposed apparent deviancy by our Maximum Leader:

Or is what he has exposed merely a typical example of our Maximum Leader's linguistic skills in saying (after saying "A") things such as "I have always said [negation of A]" with confidence that our comrades in the media would not thereafter bring any such contradiction to the attention of the sweating masses.



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwW8hyqGBr8<br>http://iowntheworld.com/blog/?p=18280

I don't know whether to feel spurned or not. Has Big Fur Hat uncovered deviancy from the Party Line or merely clever "all things to all people" pretzelization of rhetoric?

(OFF...or is it?)
To paraphrase the Great Rahm, am I the only one who thinks the 'navi' look like f@#$%ng retarded blue cats? Or it looks like a cat that got kicked into a bucket of blue paint after spending a few too many nights sleeping next to an exhaust pipe in my garage? While I admire their willingness to be exploited by a Cameron film about being exploited by Evil Nazi KKKapitalists (spit), I'm not sure amerikkka is ready for them to be the new (Blue) face of the 'Green' movement... better stick with the more easily recognizable (and undeniably attractive) Algore or perhaps Ed Begley Jr.

Czar Czar wrote:(OFF...or is it?)
To paraphrase the Great Rahm, am I the only one who thinks the 'navi' look like f@#$%ng retarded blue cats? Or it looks like a cat that got kicked into a bucket of blue paint after spending a few too many nights sleeping next to an exhaust pipe in my garage? While I admire their willingness to be exploited by a Cameron film about being exploited by Evil Nazi KKKapitalists (spit), I'm not sure amerikkka is ready for them to be the new (Blue) face of the 'Green' movement... better stick with the more easily recognizable (and undeniably attractive) Algore or perhaps Ed Begley Jr.

Dearest Czar Czar,

Your striking image reminds me of the Boob Czar:



When she was hanging around with Tea-Partiers, I was afraid she would suddenly become an Icon for the middle-roader young males, but fortunately for our side, she seems to have all but disappeared.

(I was there-- in a body-paint disguise as a "Tea Partier," of course.)

Maybe her Big Fur Hat caught Big Fur Hat's attention and he has converted her to our side. (I'm sure Bif Fur Hat would not have allowed himself to succumb to being attracted to her because of other big things.)

Ed Begley, Jr.-- now there's an Enviro-Chippendale Hunk if I ever saw one. And regarding AlGore, who could forget his Alpha Male persona during the first Presidential Debate. It just turns my green kool-aid red blue hot. Back to Begley, I often fantasize how thrilling it would be to be in Begley's "green" hot tube on a cold evening. The goose-bumps from being with such an Enviro-Hunk in the icy-cold water of a low-carbon-footprint hot tub would rival the size of the pinnacles on my anatomical features which are always tastefully hidden behind those feathers and beads in my hair that always stay strategically placed across my ample bosom.

Our side's greatest fear, of course, is that the millions of people who loved the movie AVATAR for its incredible special effects would nevertheless not only ignore -- but even worse, laugh at-- our return-to-nature message in AVATAR. I even wrote a song about it and sang it in my video, "Neytiri Sings AVATAR":
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvYJnWdx9mE

As we say on Pandora, "keep you tips up."

Neytiri, did you ever give Bill Clinton a blue-job? I know I'd rather have a blue-job than a green-job.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Neytiri, did you ever give Bill Clinton a blue-job? I know I'd rather have a blue-job than a green-job.

Comrade Whoopie,

You ask an important question. It's rather personal, but since you're a top party member, I'll answer anyway. I never gave Clinton a blue-job. I was never a Na'vi Intern for him. But, the original version of the video "Neytiri Speaks for GAIA" (which is embedded above in my initial post here at ThePeoplesCube upon my ascension to the exalted positon of GAIA Minister) included a segment exhibiting a not-unsafe-for-work interaction between Comrade Bubba and one of our Na'vi Interns. Of course it does not involve the specific task to which you so obliquely (and thus politely) refer, but it does provide hints about what may have really transpired between Bubba and the Na'vi Intern, which, of course, he then promptly denies as is the tradition of any good party member who understands the necessity of party leaders denying what it's not good for proles to know.

Because of your high status in the party, I have ordered the director of the video to restore "Cut G0" explicitly upon your request. Because it's still in wmv format only, I cannot (yet) embed it here. Therefore, to view it, you must go to:
http://politicalxray.com/NeytiriSpeaksF ... mv-HQL.htm

You know how strongly our Collective disdains anything involving a PC format-- and especially wmv videos. The reasons for such enlightenment are made clear in the GAIA HAT video to which there's a link in the YouTube version of "Neytiri Speaks for GAIA" in the introductory part of my inaugural post.

It's my understanding that Chairman Gore (Gorbels Cube) having learned about Comrade Bubba's interaction with the Na'vi Intern has made Chairman Gore turn green with envy.

I hope this sufficiently answers your question.

Aw shucks, I needed a special plugin to view that director's cut with FireFox and there is no special plugin to download. Dadgummit!

But the other videos were great, I wept for the endangered ManBearPig (aka: Bi-polar Bear).

Say I got more questions for you. Do you Na'vi's ever have trouble with poop sticking to your tails? And how do you keep your braids strategically placed to cover your blueberries? Do they secrete a sticky resin? Oh and one last question. Is it true you're all pink on the inside? Cause that would make you like a big blue watermelon. I like watermelon.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Aw shucks, I needed a special plugin to view that director's cut with FireFox and there is no special plugin to download. Dadgummit!

But the other videos were great, I wept for the endangered ManBearPig (aka: Bi-polar Bear).

Say I got more questions for you. Do you Na'vi's ever have trouble with poop sticking to your tails? And how do you keep your braids strategically placed to cover your blueberries? Do they secrete a sticky resin? Oh and one last question. Is it true you're all pink on the inside? Cause that would make you like a big blue watermelon. I like watermelon.

Dear Whoopie,

I think there is a plug-in. I just called my high-tech guru on Pandora (the guy with the pitcher of Kool-Aid). He assures me he just watched the wmv version using Firefox 3.5.8. He says the first time he tried to view a wmv, Firefox prompted him to download the plug-in, which he did and he says it works fine. However, in Firefox (unlike in IE), the wmv video starts as soon as the page is open, but you can stop it by clicking the pause button if you want to scroll the page before watching it.

If you can't get the plug in and still want to see the "G0 Cut" made especially for you, let me know and I'll probably put it on YouTube (or perhaps get it converted to flash).

I deviate from the Progeressive Party Line by using a PC and IE as my browser. I hope Gorbels Cube doesn't learn this. Otherwise, they may send me to the Re-Education Camp on Pandora.

Regarding the poop-on-the-tail-- it's never been a problem. Since we never evolved past the stage of still being able to swing in the trees, we always do our business while hanging in a tree and gravity prevents the problem you described. I must confess, however, that some of our High Party Officials are so condescending to me, that I sometimes attempt to time those events when one of them is walking under the tree I'm using.

How do we always keep our braids "strategically" placed? I assume you're asking about all three places. We only do that when humans are around because just like those sexually enlightened people at "Rock the Vote" (you know, the daughter of our esteemed Political Correctness Minister, Susan Sarandon) in that video in which they explicitly tell the "young adult" voters that no one will "f__k" them if they oppose our Maximum Leader's ObamaCare proposal (or any of his other progressive plans), we have ZERO "sexual hangups." That's why I've become the world-wide Icon for GAIA-- so we can attract the attention of horny young adult males and keep them drinking the AGW Kool-Aid despite ClimateGate and the Biizzards of 2010.

On Pandora, we are virtually the same as the Woodstock Generation. Free love, free pot, free ObamaMoney, etc.

Now to your question. How do Na'vi females keep the 3 strategic places covered when humans may be watching? Luckily for us, Chairman Bubba showed us the way. For the top two places, we use two-sided tape. That way, even when we jiggle (and we love to jiggle), the braids or feathers stay securely in place. For the third place, Chairman Bubba showed us how to put a piece of the thicker, spongier version of two-sided tape (you know, the kind that can be used for picture-hanging) onto the end of a cigar. Once the cigar is in place, we simply press the back side of the third-place "fig leaf" onto the two-sided tape and then we don't need to worry about accidentally exposing our "third place" to view. Of course, Chairman Bubba stressed the importance of always using Cuban cigars and not to forget that for the best form of security, size does matter.

Your final question is whether we are "pink on the inside." That's quite an intimate question, but since you're a high-ranking party official, I'll do my best to answer it both accurately and tastefully. No. We're blue on the inside because our blood is blue.

Stay tuned for more videos. Coming soon: I'll be waging an epic battle against Sarah Palin. I assume you know she is in reality Sasquatch. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I9YG_lYb8zI In addition, I'll also be waging another epic battle against Seven of Nine-Twelve. http://SevenOfNine-Twelve.Com . I might even make a video chastizing our Maximum Leader for committing the heresy of saying "We can't control nature," which act of deviation from the party line Big Fur Hat just recently exposed. We're sure it was merely a mistatement since he was speaking without TOTUS, but he needs to correct it as soon as possible.

Finally, regarding you perceiving me as a watermelon. If I correctly understood the explanations of Earth customs I read in the wish-list of Chairman Bubba's favorite intern, and if you are a Progressive Hunk, and if you're up for blue watermelon, I would enjoy being your watermelon. Just think of those progressive "Rock the Vote" commercials targeting young adult males.

Cheers,
GAIA Minister Neytiri

Dear Proles,

For your Environmental Edification, I post this link to an insightful observation by Comrade Obamugabe:


https://thepeoplescube.com/red/viewtopic.php?t=4944

Please go there and read his invogorating observations.

After complimenting him on his brilliant insights, I brought to his attention certain intrigues of which I have knowledge by virtue of my planet-wide Top Secret Clearance:

Obamugabe wrote:President Obama Vindicated by Science!

Comrade Obamugabe,
You make a brilliantly insightful observation, but, unfortunately, it is apparent that a fascist tea-partier must have recently hacked into TOTUS and thereby forced Obama to incorrectly deny that he can "control nature." Big Fur Hat** was the first to bring this to everyone's attention.

Not only is the Secret Service frantically attempting to find and apprehend such hacker, but World-Climate Chairman Gore (my immediate "supervisor," who is also known as Gorbels Cube) is attempting to minimize this unfortunate effect of Obama's normal habit of trusting that the content of every word TOTUS feeds to him is correct when, unbeknownst to him, a tea-partier has hacked into TOTUS.

To minimize such unfortunate effects, Gorbels issued a public statment. He said: "A mere error in ObamaSpeak is not sufficient to undermine the universal consensus that Obama's policies do control Nature and only in a very positive way and never in a negative way."
I assume that as a high party official you have clearance to know that there is a top-secret additional high-tech device upon which Obama understandably relies as greatly as he relies upon TOTUS. It is a tiny device worn inside his ear where it is not visible to any observer, which provides pronunciation assistance to Obama as he's speaking the text he reads on TOTUS.

The top-secret acronym for this top-secret device is IDIOTOTUS^TM (Insert Delivering Interpretations Of Teleprompter Of The United States), and, as we all know, a tea-party hacker recently hacked into the operational software for that device and thereby caused Obama to refer to "Corpsmen" as "Corpse-Men," and the Secret Service is still frantically trying to find and apprehend that hacker.

Thus, it's possible that Obama's mispeaking in denying he can "control nature" may have been caused by a hacker into IDIOTUS instead of TOTUS. Apparently it's quite a challenge for the Secret Service to identify the source of such "garbage-in/garbage-out" problems.
Meanwhile, we're all awaiting the next opportunity for Obama to firmly and unequivocally assert control over Nature.

PS--
If I may backslide into an archaic capitalist habit, I want to mention that in my capacity as GAIA Minister (which capacity gives me Top-Secret Clearance), I coined the acronym "IDIOTOTUS^TM" for the Secret Service, which initially proposed a far less suitable acronym, which the requirements of polite discourse prohibit me from repeating here.
**Here's are links to Big Fur Hat's report:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bwW8hyqGBr8<br>http://iowntheworld.com/blog/?p=18280

--GAIA Minister Neytiri