The People's Cube - Political Satire

Commissarka Pinkie reported today at the office with long-awaited news: there's now an iPhone app called iStalin (available at iTunes), which will allow you to theme your inner Party transmissions with the images of the People's Leaders and other visual agitation eye beets. See it in its full glory at the Apple site or at www.istalin.eighthart.com.

WORKERS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!
* Share your pics on Facebook directly from iStalin

MOSKOW, USSR - Good news, comrades! Finally, after years of struggle the Industrialization of the Soviet Union paid off. From the creators of the Communist Manifesto, the October Revolution and the Perestroika comes the best Soviet Union product since Kalashnikov - iStalin! Finally, the people will have the privilege to create Soviet posters themselves and spread the communist glory!

Spread the joy of living under the communist regime!

The people can choose between different styles and papers that were approved by the communist party or place a photograph of Stalin or the symbols of the industrial proletariat - the hammer and sickle.

There are some celebrity appearances including the comrades Lenin and Che. Last but not least, the people will be able to add different soviet slogans that tovarish Stalin personally picked.

Useful interface that resembles Tetris!

Soviet engineers gave their best to provide the people with an easy to use interface that increases the production of soviet posters by 120%.

The camera of the iPhone apparatus can be used to take pictures that are not black and white anymore! The people can also choose between the communist party photos that appear to be on their iPhone/iPod Touch apparatus. After they manage to finish their job they can save their work and continue to work for the prosperity of the party.

What about support?

New stickers and texts will be added constantly so that the glory of the Soviet Union will be spread throughout the world. Updates will be completely free unlike those capitalist applications that want you to pay for each update. With capitalist applications one person exploits the other, with iStalin - it's exactly the opposite. And remember - In the Soviet Union, iStalin buys you!

Visit the iStalin Flickr group to see the communist posters created by other comrades:
https://www.flickr.com/groups/istalin/

So we thought, what's not to like? Our regards to the comrades of Eight Art who created this app and who write on the serious part of their EU-based website ( https://www.eighthart.eu )

To call a project "finished" we must make sure that it is on par with our values and that our customers are getting more than they expected.

Well, isn't it the motto of every revolutionary worth his bullets?

An educated guess suggests that "more than they expected" includes the following:

Former Gulag prisoners get 50% off purchasing iStalin. The new app promises them the ability to relive the exciting moments in the labor camps: delousing at the campfire, long winter nights in the solitary, and the cameradery of consuming molded rations under the prison blankets.

If you're unfamiliar with what the Gulag is and simply want to stand out as someone to the left of Barack Obama, iPhone offers related apps with pictures and videos of the Funniest Beatings of Suspects by Commissars, KGB Interrogation and Torture Bloopers, and Hilarious Deformed Bodies of Starving Peasants Who Refused to Collectivize.

For only .99, the glorious new app will allow you to complement your spiffy Che Guevara shirt with a video of the popular revolutionary failing to shoot a Cuban political prisoner in the back of the head with thee (3)! bullets! What a mess!!! The faces of guards suppressing giggles are priceless!

Get a reputation of the most edgy and progressive iPhone user with a ringtone that plays digitally restored pleas for mercy by a kulak woman, mixed with obscene Russian-language tirades of a commissar who gets furious when he soils his newly-issued boots in the pool of her blood.

The main question we must answer is, who are the creators of iStalin?

See the poll above.

I will vote but first I have to vent. Of all the rotten luck, snooze you looze in this digital publishing business. I was just about to publish my new Jeffery Dahmer App. This Stalin App is sure to steal my thunder.

Comrades,

If you Google "Hammer and Sickle" and then click on shopping, you will see that our glorious system is a burgeoning capitalist business trend. This is most disturbing, but I must admit, it warmed the cockles of my little red heart than to see Dear Leader's logo, and name on more than one product along with with hammer and sickle. He must be so proud, and I am proud for him.

<Prog-OFF>

I swear to God I thought you made the picture just for the Cube. I can't believe this is real. This is exactly what comrade Red Square would make. Life never stops to imitate the Cube.

<Prog-On>
O caplitalist pigs try to exploit communism's good name! I hope it will backfire.

Dear Most-Equal of Equals,

How can you be so blind to not see that capitalists are trying to prove that Progressives will give their adversaries enough free rope with which to hang the Progressives? We must not fall for this capitalist ploy. We must denounce "IStalin" as a capitalist plot. How could Apple not see this? How could Apple allow itself to be bitten by this snake in the tree?

To suggest that IStalin is emulating the Cube is to deny the undeniable-- i.e., it is to deny that the Cube is the Most Progressive of all Party Organs. It would dissuade Progressives from continuing to believe in the Cube as their "Bible" for politically-correct thought. They might even begin to suspect the Cube of deviation from Party Doctrine. We could all be in great danger.

But if we denounce it unequivocally, then True-Believing Progressives will conclude it must be a capitalist plot and will eschew using IStalin. If we embrace it unequivocally, then True-Believing Progressives will embrace it as an advancement of Party Doctrine and we will thereby be responsible for this insidious plot weakening the intellectual steadfastness of IPhone-Addicted Progressives.

So, we must denounce it because if we don't, our IPhone-Addicted Young Progressives loyally wearing the Che shirts will be exposed to unreliable information that appears to question the Historical Truth of Che's Heroic nature.

The next thing we know, the IStalin application will begin discrediting the Cube by stealing our artwork mocking (by emulating) the anti-Che movement such as the "Che is Dead-- Get Over It" posters and T-shirts. Will Apple emulate Zazzle?

On the other hand, perhaps we need to work a mind-trick on Capitalists that our True-Believing Progressive Admirers would secretly understand-- i.e., we should applaud IStalin as being a truely Progressive application, but the problem is that only the most-equal-of-equal among Progressives would be astute enough to understand this as a mind-trick, and the result would still be that too many IPhone-Addicted Young Progressives would be unwittingly led astray by this application.

Now I'm thinking we must study this more carefully. We obviously need to develop an extremely clever strategy for dealing with this new development.

I have a headache.

--Thought Crime Warden

ThePeoplesComrade wrote:I was just about to publish my new Jeffery Dahmer App. This Stalin App is sure to steal my thunder.

This gives me an idea. Here's a blank iPhone template. What other comparable apps can be created with this?

Introducing the iBush. For the first time, all our favorite Bush applications in one convenient location. Hours and hours of Bush bashing fun right at your fingertips:

Left
App #1
It's Bush's fault! In 24 languages. Just select the desired language and the app speaks our favorite slogan.
App #2
View the hilarious “Bush shoe attack” video over and over.
App #3
Play any number of “throw the shoe at Bush” online games.

Right
App #4
View the entire history of the hate Bush saga at ImpeachForPeace.org
App #5
The Bush War Crimes Tribunal Game. Play as Erik Holder and prosecute Bush, Cheney and their entire band of thugs.
App #6
Executioner Game. Yes, you're the Executioner and you have several means of executing Bush and his gang. Manners of execution include “hung, drawn and quartered” which was the penalty for high treason in medieval England, and remained on the statute book but seldom used in the United Kingdom and Ireland until abolished under the Treason Act of 1814. It was a form of torture and execution reserved for the most serious crimes, those deemed more heinous than murder and other capital offenses.

Glorious Comrade Grigori E.R. - I must give you great acknowledgments for such a superb IStalin phony! (I was not sure of the status of Pinkie's "Beating Beet of the Week"award so please accept this in its stead until glorious comrade Pinkie shows up)

Oh thank you Commissarka Fraulein. You are too kind. Just doing my humble part to serve the Kollektive. The HAMMER and POPSICLE Award is most appropriate as all proceeds from the Application will go to "The Children", minus of course, a minuscule processing and handling fee for the Party.

I would also like to share this Award with the "Mime", posthumously I'm sad to say. He was my inspiration for the App. just as he was an inspiration to Progressives everywhere.

Grigori E.R. wrote:Oh thank you Commissarka Fraulein. You are too kind. Just doing my humble part to serve the Kollektive. The HAMMER and POPSICLE Award is most appropriate as all proceeds from the Application will go to "The Children", minus of course, a minuscule processing and handling fee for the Party.

I would also like to share this Award with the "Mime", posthumously I'm sad to say. He was my inspiration for the App. just as he was an inspiration to Progressives everywhere.

OH, most welcoments, dear Grigori. Loyal comrades need encouragements when working progressively for the Progressive good, do they not?! I am sure the children will be filled with government awe, just as you shall be as you share your pleasures in "spread the wealth" via that itty wee processing/handling fee, that dear Leader insist upon encourages.
And are we not grateful that awful Bushitler tax cut shall be removed!

iNazi!

Nice. Very nice, Comrade Obamugabe. It tickles the fancy of the most discriminating Nazi lover. As my Jewish friends call it: Jew porn.

Comrade Grigori,

I had no idea you had such devotion for the Bushitler.

Commissarka Leninka,
It's for "The Children" don't ya know................

and Dear Leader Obamugabe,
I'm still not over that image you posted at the Show Trial. Nice iNazi though. I'm sure Comrade Helen will use it during her retirement.

Comrade Grig

It is all For the Children