The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades,

Mrs Al Czarweary is a member of the kolkholz who works tirelessly, never attempting to attract attention to herself, always looking out for others, on top of her already burdensome duties of looking after, delegating, and managing all of the various duties of her underwives. Being wife number one, her likeliness of being pleasured by Mr. Al Czarweary are slim to none, don't you know. Tirelessly, she puts out one cave fire after another in her cave between wife and wife, mother and child, and interloper and well, never mind.

Mrs Al Czarweary, as Cube Queen for a Day, you will be sent to the mountains of Siberia, to the Siberian Hot Springs Hotel, where, you will be pampered and treated like highest apparatchick. Extra fruit and crackers will be left in your room every evening to munch away all you wish. Fraulein Pulloskies, Pinkie and I will be accompanying you to make sure that you do not defect, to see to your every need.

You will be most surprised and appreciative of the hotel's intricate hot springs cave spas. Every day, you will be able to descend down 400 hundred steps into the depths of the earth, to the hot baths and massage rooms. There, you will be able to climb into baths ranging from hot to boiling extra lobster red skin hot cave tubs, and, in between baths, you can get yourself one massage after another by Helga, the spa masseuse, who will spank you, and rub you, until you are ….. well, ready for another bath.

A side note: Fraulein, Pinkie and I do not have tickets to the baths, so while you are enjoying yourself, we will be playing Siberian Peanuckle in our shared room (which has an accommodating commode and wash basin down the hallway), and we promise not to nibble on your fruit and crackers.

As a special treat, once you make it to the hottest of the hottest of the hottest baths, you will notice that if you slip out of the water, and instead of heading back to the massage rooms, you will see a secret passageway (on the opposite side of the hottest tub). Start crawling down that passageway, and peek around the corner, and you will likely get a glimpse of the male guests, buck naked as they bathe in their corresponding hottest tub. You will be able to gaze upon their beet red bodies as they sit perched on the side of the tub. You may even catch a glimpse of some fellow kolkholz members, like Comrades Whoopie, or Buffoon, as I believe they have been given leave to visit the same spa (but of course, it is not a guarantee). Well, nevertheless, you will have Fraulein, Pinkie and myself for company when you return to our shared room, and you can join us for a game of Peanuckle.

Here's to a bon voyage. Let's enjoy the trip, and please know, that we will be there, with you, every mile of the trip, watching your every move.

Fruit and Crackers?

Do you really believe a progressive lady like Mrs Al wants Crackers?

I am sure she would prefer and African Hunk. (Like me.)

I'm Queen for a day, every day! Everyone get over here and lick my boots! I'm the closest thing you people have for a mommy with the exception of a federal agency. Cocktail. Magazine. Manicure. Stat!

I hope comrade Barney Frank is

not upset about losing the title

Leninka, how generous of you to use the Inner Party credit card to send Mrs. Al on a much deserved vacation, with you, the Frau and Pinkie tagging along. I notice on the credit card statement that you gals have reserved a deluxe chalet next to the ski lift, that you'll be flying to the resort first class and have a chauffeured limo standing by on call to whisk you to and from the airport as well as take you into town shopping.

As for Helga the masseuse, the only name I see listed on the statement is Richardo who has been retained to do a 'happy ending' massage on 'four' clients. Happy ending? I suppose that's where balloons and confetti drop from the ceiling while Richardo jumps up and down clapping his hands and clowns parade through the room.

Well, enjoy your little get away. You all deserve it.

OH MY MARX!!!

Never have I been to be of expectation of such honor! move over you Hillary bitch this is my day


I am of most joyfulness to be of such great honor and most special for it to given to me from one as most esteemed as our own dear Cube necro, Leninka. What relief it is to be of getting vacation from so many of the underwives and from milking business, too. You are not knowing just how much it is that my milking facilities have been weighing on me to get out so much of the production of the good lactose for The Children™.

I was to start my journey to Siberia early in the morning. I have never to know how beautiful is the Siberia in the time of summer. I was always to be thinking that it was to always have the snow. But nooooo. There is much sun to be having.

Here is foto of beautiful summer mountains.


And here is foto of me trekking through spring to get to cave hotel. This is not hot spring and it was making for me to have very cold feet. I was having ObamaHope that I would also to be getting warming feet massages once I get to hotel.


There is much of the fertility in the Siberia. Along the way I was to see many of the country peoples working in the beet fields.


I to stop and speak to them but my Siberian is not of the good kind so mostly we to be making many of the hand gesturing. I was for explaining to them how I to be of manager of little poppy field in my home country and I was telling them of flower production. It was to be of seeming that I was to be giving signal for the plow because soon they to put me on a tractor and they were to be of expectation that I to know how to do the making of the lines of the new field.


But soon they to be of the realization that I not to know anything of the farming ways of the big machinery. But I was to be learning of very good lesson. I to leave the beet fields to the good Frau to do the work there (with a helping of Misha because so much is the hard work in the beet field) and I to be of sticking to poppy fields. But at least I now to know of the hand signal for 'plow' in Siberian.

It was then to be getting late in the afternoon so I to make for continuing of trip. I must be for making wrong turn at one of mountain pass and I was for getting a little bit lost, but this very nice babushka was kind enough to make for good directions to hotel.


Her name is Isla and she was to be for telling me how she was once such beautiful KGB agent and that she was being of so much of the importance that they even to make movie of her. She was to be showing me poster and she to say they even to be using her foto from that time for picture on the poster. I was imagining that she would have been very good Comrade for us here on Cube.


It was to be night already when I was to arrive at hotel. From distance I was not of suredness that this was the hotel I was to be for, but as I to get closer I was to be for seeing certain hats on table in front of hotel so I knew I was at korrekt place.


I do not know where those two were to be, though, and I was of great tiredness so did not go for the looking of them. I was of much joy to finally be in my room which you can be seeing is of fine decoration and much comfort. There was fruit just as Leninka ws of promising but there were no white peoples only the Ritz crackers.


And now I must be getting for the sleep. I can barely be for keeping open my eyeballs. I will be telling more of special day tomorrow.

What wonderful scenic photos of Siberia you have taken, Mrs Al. Boy that, Ilsa was a looker in her early days, and what a terror. I'm still working on getting you some high quality goat cheese to have with your fruit and crackers. Cheese is not part of the basic package, but, I do think it would be nice if we can get you some, and we'll try not to devour it before you get back from the baths. I see Comrades Whoopie and Buffoon are no where to be found. I wouldn't be surprised if it turns out they ventured out to get their hands on some women a taste of the local flavor.

Watch out for Helga. I heard from some of the guests that she can be a little rough. One guest is still in a neck brace after suffering a massage related whip lash, and another came back to the room without his wedding ring.

As for the vodka rations, I think we'll have enough at least for the first evening. We'll figure out what to do after that.

Oh, I'm looking out the window right now, and I can see that some hunters have just bagged a large moose. Looks like we're all in for a tasty feast.

Wait a minute, what the . . .? What is that hunter doing now. Is that Comrade Buffoon he's chasing around with a knife? Run, Buffoon, run!! Oh, dear, I wonder what he did to anger that hunter. And Comrade Whoopie is nowhere to be seen.

Eh? Sorry I was off harvesting some of these Russian Siberian black and purple tomatoes.

They say they have aphrodisiac properties.

What trouble has Buffoon got himself into now? I told him to leave those hunter's wives alone.

Comrade Whoopie,

Did you say those tomatoes have aphrodisiac properties? How many does one need to eat to feel the effect? I have some fruit and Ritz crackers up here in the room, if you'd like to make a little trade. Don't worry about Mrs Al. She's getting herself well boiled in the tubs, and will be barely coherent by the time she gets back. I'll introduce you to Yakov, he is the nicest young man, and he's fascinated with the color of my skin. Pinkie and Fraulein are conked out on the bed. Must be the altitude.

Neotrotsky wrote:I hope comrade Barney Frank is

not upset about losing the title

As a matter of fact, he wasn't exactly too excited when he heard this. I received this message from a friend of mine in Vermont (Bonnie's scream was so loud, Howard Dean was silenced for 5 minutes, and my friend heard it.)(Yes, Dean was governor of New Hampshire.)

Bonnie squeemed wrote: Dis is' an outwage! I'm da qween, I'm da qween! I sit on dis twon (throne) fight'n fo my fewow queens for der wight to be qweens! Wedah it be dwama qweens, dancing qweens, o Engwish qweens, if I'm fight'n fo der wights, I'm da qween of qweens! Dey made me der woola fo a weason! . . .

and so on of angry blithering, and gavel smashing. For our New England comrades, I'd get out of there for a few days. The last I'd want to hear of is one of you good folks going deaf.

(off)
You beat me to the punch.

Nancy wrote:I'm Queen for a day, every day! Everyone get over here and lick my boots! I'm the closest thing you people have for a mommy with the exception of a federal agency. Cocktail. Magazine. Manicure. Stat!

Comrade Nanski,

Of course, you're the queen back in the USSA. But, at the Siberian Spa Cave Hotel, we all get to be queens, and you do want us all to be equally as fabulous as you, don't you?

Comrade Elliott,

Here at the hotel I can't hear Bawney's scream. It's faw faw away.

Leninka wrote:Comrade Elliott,

Here at the hotel I can't hear Bawney's scream. It's faw faw away.

(chuckles) I did say New England, not Soviet Russia.

Well I to never… after such wonderful Queen For Day trip to Siberia I was for returning back to home cave to be finding much of the chaos. I never to leave underwive number 2 to be in the charge again. She is too much for being of the softee kind and all the other underwives were for doing the walking all over her. And I not to mean that in the illiterate kind. Her burkha was at front of cave entrance and was much trampled and as soon I was to be of seeing such thing I was of knowing that there was more messes to be for coming.

As I to go into cave I was for finding this picture of underwife number 2 hanging over sofa that had been painted by Misha. Hmmm…. Misha is pretty good painter but…


UGH! I can not be for having to be looking at underwive number 2 in the buff! I went quickly to find Klorox to bleach my eyeballs but was not to be for finding any! What had underwives done to my Klorox stash? I am still not knowing answer to such question.

Also, several of underwives are now missing. ALA ZEG!!! Should husband be for such discovery that I was for loosing some of his underwives I might be in for the big trouble. But then I to be wondering if he to even remember how many of the underwives he to have since he has been for so long away on important freedom fighting business. But I not to worry. I have been for sending Misha to make search for underwives and he is very good for sniffing up the womens.

So here is final fotos of trip to Siberian Hot Spring Cave Hotel.

Here I am in enjoyment of wonderful warming springs.


But none of sooner than I to be of so much relaxing I was to be of shock horror. It is seeming someone had been for telling Bawny Fwanks where I was to be staying and he was for dressing like the womens (much like the Taleeban are often to dress like the womens when they are doing their freedom fighting) so he can be for going to womens hot spring just to be for the bothering of me.


He so stupid he even to be putting bathing costume on wrong way out. He to be yelling, “I AM THE QUEEN! I AM THE QUEEN!” and stomping of his feet to make for splashing in my face and for making very wet of the turban and trying to make for me to be of afraidness. Who was he to be thinking I am to be? A scaredy dog Teabagger? I not to be for fearing fat man dressed as womens. That is when I to take out my jambiya and make little slicing motions then to say to him, “Bawny, if you really want to be Queen I can be for making such things possible.” You should be for seeing his chubby face cheeks shake and the bulging of the eyeballs from the eye sockets! He was quick to be covering his little trinkets and he then to prance from cave spa.

After more good soaking I make decision to look for other Comrades. I was for discovering passageway to check on the mens spa. There I was for seeing so many of the good Comrades. Say CHEDOH!!!!


Later that day I was for going with Comrades Obamugabe and Chedo to see so many of the wonderful Siberian caves. Comrade Obamugabe said it was first time in many years he has to not be for the fisting position and was of enjoyment for such relaxment.


I was very happy for such honor of Queen for the Day and when I was for returning to my room I was having idea to share the fruits of the basket and the Ritz crackers with such good Comradesses but I could not be for finding such anywhere. I was for making complaint to hotel manager that someone from the staff was for stealing my food items, and for compensation he was to be giving me crate of best Siberian vodka.

That evening we were to spend enjoyment time drinking and playing of the Peanuckle.

Glad to hear you had a good time at the spa Mrs. Al, how charming to see all of the gulag gals together enjoying a friendly game of peeknuckles instead of wrestling and pulling each others hair in a mud puddle like a bunch of underwives.

As for Barney, if he ever shows up again to harass you just give him this picture.

Comrades,

You have no idea where I've been. Neither have I. Shortly after the post about Yakov and the aphrodisiac tomatoes, I was kidnapped, and I still don't know by whom. It is he who also stole all of the fruit and crackers from the room.

But before I go on, I am sorry to hear of all of your home cave troubles, Mrs Al. Isn't that the way it goes? You leave underlings unattended for what seems 5 minutes, and they always find someway to get themselves into trouble. At least, Comrades Whoopie, Chedoh, Obamugabe, and Buffoon got to enjoy themselves--I wonder how Comrade Chedoh keeps his head dry--must be some kind of Chedoh sealant.

Those are very nice photos of the Hot Springs Caves. You should have just splashed Bawney with water. At least you would have gotten a good squeal out of him.

Now, let me get back to what happened to me. A strange man, in a large fur hat, and ski mask burst into the room and grabbed me. I hadn't even gotten to have one bite of Whoopie's tomatoes. He took me to a cave--no water in this cave--just cold and dry, and he started to lecture me about the importance of the green movement going to the next step. What!! I thought to myself. Who do you think you are? Some kind of Green Nazi? He said that he was the secret instigator of Toronto-nacht, Seattle-nacht, and also the Coffee parties.

I thought, okay, so he hates rich people as much as I do, this is where we have some common ground. I started telling him about how much I hate evil oil company executives. After that, I knew I was home free. We sat in the cave, sharing our hatreds all night long, and eating up all of the crackers and fruit (sorry--I really wasn't the one who took them--he was). Later, he gladly walked me back to the hotel, but still, he never took off his mask. I still don't know who he was. I had only been back at the hotel 5 minutes before that Peanuckle game started.

How terrible Leninka! Earlier in the day I saw BigFurHat from iOTW collecting tomatoes. We talked for a while. We were laughing that so many folks think his website is conservative (actually he's just collecting names for the mass round up). Anyway he got a bit peckish and ate one of the tomatoes. Next thing you know he asks to borrow my ski mask and takes off. He muttered something about going to find a woman.

I just hope you weren't the one who modeled for this pic.
(The uncensored version can be found at iOTW titled "Base Instincts")