8/16/2010, 1:42 pm
PANAMA CITY, FLA. -- In an effort to appear to care, President Obama brought his family to the Redneck Riviera of the Florida panhandle for a 27-hour vacation this weekend. For most people this would involve parking the car, dumping bags in the room, and making a bee-line for a dip in the warm water of the Gulf.
But for the President it's a bit more complicated than that.
"I do intend to take a swim" Obama assured local reporters, "but only in private. The last time I went swimming in public I wound up on the cover of magazines and in the fantasies of thousands of lonely women."
"But that's a good thing!" quipped one reporter dreamily.
"No it isn't, Chris," said the press-shy first lady, elbowing the President away from the podium. "You've been warned about this before."
The exchange was a reminder that the 27-hour trip to this beach destination was mainly an exercise in public-image damage control rather than relaxation for the first family, which arrived here with dog Bo, but without older daughter Malia, who is at Camp Whackacracka.
Later Saturday afternoon, the President did take a a carefully choreographed swim. A picture released by the White House showed him swimming shirtless, but all you could really see above the water was his head. A further series of photos showed the President first without a moustache, then with a moustache, and then again without any facial hair. He then appeared riding a horse.
"See? I told you I would not rest until the Gulf Waters were better than they had been before the irresponsible, Republican-backed BP corporate villains spoiled its pristine purity," the President joked as decontamination specialists scrubbed him down with stiff brushes. "Now I have restored the ph balance of the Gulf with my symbolic dip."
And indeed, the arrival of the First Family has been a tremendous boost to the recovery of the area. The most effective images for Panama City and the rest of the struggling Gulf economy are likely to be the ones of a happy First Family enjoying themselves the way regular tourists might. After carefully explaining to Michelle that they had to "because this is what the bitter clingers around here do," the Presidential party endured a half round of putt-putt golf. Despite President Obama's evident pleasure that Sasha plugged a hole-in-one on the first tee, the game ended on the ninth hole when Michelle threw her club at a lackey and announced she was off to find some "civilized passtime."
She was found at Lime's Bayside Bar and Grill, located on a long pier hurried cleared of rabble by the Secret Service. After a brief speech proclaiming Gulf seafood to be both safe and tasty, the three famous diners shared tacos, chicken tenders, a burger and guacamole harvested from the now empty tables as traffic on ALT HWY 98 ground to a halt and neighboring businesses were cleared for security reasons.
Sitting at the edge of the water, Obama wore a white polo shirt, a tan baseball cap with a USSS logo and sunglasses. The first lady switched into a black tank top and sunglasses, her best guess as to what Rednecks wear on the Riviera.
It is the fifth time the president has visited the area since the oil spill crisis began, marking a total of 36 hours spent in what is essentially flyover country for the Obamas. The decision to come here, after all, was prompted by the first lady's remarks the last time she visited. "It's welcoming, it's pristine, and everybody should come here!" she said of the beaches in Panama City, Fla., "Truly, the best thing your fellow Americans can do is come down here and spend some money," she commanded before jetting off to a beach in Spain.
On a more serious note, the President presented some prepared remarks at the local Coast Guard station, assuring gulf residents that the government will not abandon the residents and businesses that remain. "I'm here to tell you that our job is not finished, and we're not going anywhere until it is," he said. He then left for a three-day campaign swing through the Midwest, after which he and the First Family will take a well deserved ten-day vacation on Martha's Vineyard.
But for the President it's a bit more complicated than that.
"I do intend to take a swim" Obama assured local reporters, "but only in private. The last time I went swimming in public I wound up on the cover of magazines and in the fantasies of thousands of lonely women."
"But that's a good thing!" quipped one reporter dreamily.
"No it isn't, Chris," said the press-shy first lady, elbowing the President away from the podium. "You've been warned about this before."
The exchange was a reminder that the 27-hour trip to this beach destination was mainly an exercise in public-image damage control rather than relaxation for the first family, which arrived here with dog Bo, but without older daughter Malia, who is at Camp Whackacracka.
Later Saturday afternoon, the President did take a a carefully choreographed swim. A picture released by the White House showed him swimming shirtless, but all you could really see above the water was his head. A further series of photos showed the President first without a moustache, then with a moustache, and then again without any facial hair. He then appeared riding a horse.
"See? I told you I would not rest until the Gulf Waters were better than they had been before the irresponsible, Republican-backed BP corporate villains spoiled its pristine purity," the President joked as decontamination specialists scrubbed him down with stiff brushes. "Now I have restored the ph balance of the Gulf with my symbolic dip."
And indeed, the arrival of the First Family has been a tremendous boost to the recovery of the area. The most effective images for Panama City and the rest of the struggling Gulf economy are likely to be the ones of a happy First Family enjoying themselves the way regular tourists might. After carefully explaining to Michelle that they had to "because this is what the bitter clingers around here do," the Presidential party endured a half round of putt-putt golf. Despite President Obama's evident pleasure that Sasha plugged a hole-in-one on the first tee, the game ended on the ninth hole when Michelle threw her club at a lackey and announced she was off to find some "civilized passtime."
She was found at Lime's Bayside Bar and Grill, located on a long pier hurried cleared of rabble by the Secret Service. After a brief speech proclaiming Gulf seafood to be both safe and tasty, the three famous diners shared tacos, chicken tenders, a burger and guacamole harvested from the now empty tables as traffic on ALT HWY 98 ground to a halt and neighboring businesses were cleared for security reasons.
Sitting at the edge of the water, Obama wore a white polo shirt, a tan baseball cap with a USSS logo and sunglasses. The first lady switched into a black tank top and sunglasses, her best guess as to what Rednecks wear on the Riviera.
It is the fifth time the president has visited the area since the oil spill crisis began, marking a total of 36 hours spent in what is essentially flyover country for the Obamas. The decision to come here, after all, was prompted by the first lady's remarks the last time she visited. "It's welcoming, it's pristine, and everybody should come here!" she said of the beaches in Panama City, Fla., "Truly, the best thing your fellow Americans can do is come down here and spend some money," she commanded before jetting off to a beach in Spain.
On a more serious note, the President presented some prepared remarks at the local Coast Guard station, assuring gulf residents that the government will not abandon the residents and businesses that remain. "I'm here to tell you that our job is not finished, and we're not going anywhere until it is," he said. He then left for a three-day campaign swing through the Midwest, after which he and the First Family will take a well deserved ten-day vacation on Martha's Vineyard.
