9/16/2010, 8:44 am
Is there anything our beloved President, Barrack Obama, cannot do? He has vowed not to rest until every American has affordable health care. He has vowed not to rest until every American has a good paying job. He has vowed never to rest until the Gulf Oil Spill has been cleaned up entirely and the Gulf is "better than it was before." Yet with all his tireless efforts on our behalf to defeat the Republican majorities in Congress who constantly thwart his benevolent six year plans for our betterment, despite his efforts to stimulate local economies through pro-shop visits and ice cream sales, he still has time For the Children.™
Just released is the President's new book, Of Thee I Sing, a tribute to the mediocrity of America and the historical figures that made it the truly unexceptional nation that is was until 2008. Written as an open letter to his daughters (who are of course off limits when it comes to politics unless he needs them for a photo-op or to frame an imaginary rhetorical question) the book details the contributions of the founding fathers and how they poisoned the early days of the nation because some of them were slave owners and all of them were White Males. Their inabilty to embrace dialectic materialism stunted the growth of the nation for over a century and allowed the fat cat industrialists to exploit the workers.
The book details as well the contributions to American achievement made by non-Americans, contributions that were usually stolen by the imperialist expansion of the United States or the corporate exploitation of the the Developing World. For example, if the Muslims had not invented the mathematical concept of zero, the United States would not have wasted the money that could have been put to better use providing social services and underwriting union pension plans by putting a man on the moon. This was a doubly shameful achievement, as it deprived the rest of the people of Earth the sense of pride and accomplishment that the Americans felt, in essence stealing it from them.
The book closes on a positive note though, reminding children everywhere that America was not a country to be proud of until it nominated Barrack Obama to be president, because Mommy said so.
So as we go about our day today, let us stop and take a moment to thank the president for spending the time to write this vital book.
