The People's Cube - Political Satire

We at the Cube have long supported Comrade John Kerry's political aspirations and positions. His heroic efforts during the Viet Nam War by evading conflict yet still manipulating for himself a Purple Heart, impressively demonstrated his ability to shape and mold bureaucratic opinion. Then leveraging an inauspicious military stint gone war protest into a Senate seat and lucrative marriage arrangement, Comrade Kerry has placed himself Gloriously Equal in the collective.

Now Comrade Kerry has publicly denounced the American Voter for being stupid and uninformed. What else could explain their turning away from the glorious agenda of our political collectivists.

I was for the understanding that this so-called Kerry is a non-person.

There can be no commenting on a non-person.

I really need to cross reference to our increasing non-person inventory. Comrades can quickly fall from favor in the collective. The non-person declaration business is booming.

The solution of course is to only have a single party to vote for, and mandate that all persons vote on election day. Quite simple. Then there is no more problem with uninformed voters.

Comrades, seems like non-person Kerry is changing the Democrat™ Strategy from "Blame AmeriKKKa first" to "Blame all AmeriKKKans except for me first, then blame AmeriKKKa" Is he allowed to interfere with Party strategy? On the other hand, I hear he has a nice boat.

We keep hearing from the reichwingers that John Kerry is a smug, judgmental elitist.
I trust this article will put such ridiculous claims to rest.

We are not worthy of this one. We cannot know or fathom the depths to which he speaks. We must blindly follow this king of nuance for we cannot know or ever learn of what it is that he speaks, but we know he spoke it and meant it with all his being at the moment he spoke it for it came forth from him. These are the truths we must hold because in them we attempt to find his meaning which supercedes our common grasp of the ideal and the idea. Never have clearer words been spoken and yet understood by so few.

Perhaps Kerry is just playing Ketchup.

“We have an electorate that doesn't always pay that much attention to what's going on so people are influenced by a simple slogan rather than the facts or the truth or what's happening,” Kerry told reporters after touring the Boston Medical Center yesterday.

Uh, yeah. Seems odd the genius would bring up that subject-

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Perhaps Kerry is just playing Ketchup.

Comrade Whoopie, You hit the nail on the head (or on the bottom of the upside-down ketchup bottle): Like the Ketchup, he's slooooowwww. That's why the voters picked me after rejecting him in 2004: They know I'm fast instead of slow.

--Fearless Leader

Krasnodar wrote:We keep hearing from the reichwingers that John Kerry is a smug, judgmental elitist.
I trust this article will put such ridiculous claims to rest.

Indeed Comrade, the ridiculous claims by right wing nut jobs that our leadership is smug, judgmental or out of touch is just plain silly talk.

I hear Comrade Kerry actually combs is own hair. You can't get any more down home and "non-elitist" than that.

Hey John.... here's a couple of short words for you and your President.

Krasnodar wrote:

Obama Epic-Fail.jpg

Hey John.... here's a couple of short words for you and your President.

Some words keep echoing in my head- uttered by Oregon governor Ted the Red Kulongoski about 10 years ago-

"When we finally do this, people aren't going to like it at all"

Comrades, I remember talking with Senator Kerry in 2004 after BusHitler's henchmen stole the election by demanding millions of votes cast for Kerry by fenceposts, rocks, mailboxes and other inanimate objects minority voters be disallowed. He said to me, "Opiate, I made my money the old fashioned way, by marrying an heiress. I really was hoping Hillary would run this year so I could divorce Theresa, get half of her dough in the settlement and then marry Hillary and become Mr. President instead of Mr. Ketchup. But the stupid bitch crossed me up - she bought Bill a big box of cigars, stayed in New York and began sticking pins in a doll made up to look like Chuck Schumer. So now I'm f*cked. I'll never become emperor of the US like I am entitled to be. I'm gonna end up a stupid fat lazy hack like Al Gore. How about a drink? Ketchup on the rocks OK?"

Comrades, I have never held John Kerry in higher regard than I did that day. It is an honor to help him toss deckhands off his yacht at sea in order to avoid paying them in any way I can. So if John Kerry says the voters are stupid, I trust his word like I trust Alan Grayson's or Pete Stark's. He's just that kind of man. Swift boating to you, John.

As we can see, Comrade Kerry is still popular here at the collective. Men we can trust in government are rare and we can always trust Comrade Kerry to speak down to those less fortunate in spousal choices.

Fearless Leader wrote:

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Perhaps Kerry is just playing Ketchup.

Comrade Whoopie, You hit the nail on the head (or on the bottom of the upside-down ketchup bottle): Like the Ketchup, he's slooooowwww. That's why the voters picked me after rejecting him in 2004: They know I'm fast instead of slow.

--Fearless Leader

Indeed he is Fearless Leader. He's also very thick, and incredibly rich.

Low hanging fruit I just couldn't resist...
(forgive me comrades)

Reminds me of old joke we told around the gulag:
Q. What happened last time Premier Clinton picked a ten pound booger?
A. His head caved in!

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Low hanging fruit I just couldn't resist...
(forgive me comrades)

Kerry nose pick logo.jpg

A rare moment for Kerry.... usually he has one of the staff stick his (or her) finger up there.

Whoopie, I'm lovin' that water mark (don't remember seeing it before).

Comrade Buffoon wrote:

Krasnodar wrote:We keep hearing from the reichwingers that John Kerry is a smug, judgmental elitist.
I trust this article will put such ridiculous claims to rest.

Indeed Comrade, the ridiculous claims by right wing nut jobs that our leadership is smug, judgmental or out of touch is just plain silly talk.

I hear Comrade Kerry actually combs is own hair. You can't get any more down home and "non-elitist" than that.

Unfortunatley this is not true but for a glorious reason. Dismiss the rumors that it was a habit formed by hanging around John Edwards. I have first hand knowledge that John Kerry cannot comb his own hair due to an injury suffered in mortal combat with JenJish Kahn in Viet Nam.

“We have an electorate that doesn't always pay that much attention to what's going on so people are influenced by a simple slogan rather than the facts or the truth or what's happening,” Kerry told reporters after touring the Boston Medical Center yesterday.

Translation: Hope and Change worked so well 2 years ago.