12/15/2010, 11:39 am
My fellow comrades:
I'm very concerned about something.
Sometime after Dear Leader made his glorious ascension to power, Ms. Magazine ran a picture of him on their cover, showing him in a phone booth or broom closet, or maybe it was the lavatory on Air Force One, as he tore his shirt off (be still, my shuddering womb), to reveal the superhero beneath:
This is what a feminist president looks like.
And after this past week, we saw how a feminist president acts—especially when he's a man.
It all started last Friday, when he met with our previous feminist (not to mention first black) president, Bill Clinton, behind closed doors to discuss how to appease The Party in the wake of his cave-in to the evil Republicans. Comrades, I'm quite sure no tears were shed if only because cry-baby John Boehner wasn't there. But Obama had a very valid concern. Pro-Progs have been saying he has no balls, no nuts, no stones. Clearly his manhood was brought into question, and he was in dire need of a virility restorative.
Hence he and Clinton appeared at a press conference shortly therafter, where he spent most of the time off to the side, checking his wristwatch, shuffling his feet restlessly, until he was quite in danger of soiling himself in fear of . . . his wife.
Indeed, Michelle was holding a party and she was waiting—size 14EEE foot tapping, or at least flapping—for him to show up and do his duty as host. Bill told him he'd better go, as he, for one, didn't want to make her mad. Since Bill knows a lot about the dire consequences of pissing off one's wife, whether she's his own or someone else's, Obama knew this was one nugget of elder statesman advice he'd better heed.
And so, like a Looney Tunes character sputtering, “I gotta go now, my judge is burning, fudge, I mean my fudge is burning, judge,” he ducked out of there.
I thought, “Now there's a real man.”
Unfortunately, the man I was looking at when I had that thought was Jake Tapper of ABC News, sitting in the front row.
Fast forward to yesterday, when Obama signed the Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act that guarantees the government will make damn sure my children will always have plenty of fresh celery sticks to eat:
https://my.barackobama.com/page/communi ... OFA/gGMKhD
(Click to see photos of Barack and Michelle doing kissy-face!)
Or if she were ever President and signed a piece of legislation, she would never say something like, “Had I not been able to get this bill passed, Todd wouldn't come home and instead stay out all night at a strip club.”
For that matter, she wouldn't even sign something like The Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act, now would she? Barack Obama sees hungry kids and signs a piece of paper mandating billions of dollars for programs that dictate what they can eat and when and where, and maybe by the middle of this century we'll start seeing results, but only as long as we keep throwing money at it.
Sarah Palin, on the other hand, sees hungry kids, and all she does is grab a gun to shoot something and they're happily scarfing it down that same night.
Comrades, there's something very wrong here, and I'm not sure what it is. But I am so dismayed and disenchanted that I don't know what else to do except just stand here in the freezing cold and be miserable about it until someone else comes along to make it all better for me. I used to think that someone was Barack Obama. But while I shiver out here, waiting for my free mortgage and gas and Obama money from his stash, there he is, cowering huddled behind his wife.
I think I'd like to join him. Certainly there should be plenty of room.
I'm very concerned about something.
Sometime after Dear Leader made his glorious ascension to power, Ms. Magazine ran a picture of him on their cover, showing him in a phone booth or broom closet, or maybe it was the lavatory on Air Force One, as he tore his shirt off (be still, my shuddering womb), to reveal the superhero beneath:
This is what a feminist president looks like.
And after this past week, we saw how a feminist president acts—especially when he's a man.
It all started last Friday, when he met with our previous feminist (not to mention first black) president, Bill Clinton, behind closed doors to discuss how to appease The Party in the wake of his cave-in to the evil Republicans. Comrades, I'm quite sure no tears were shed if only because cry-baby John Boehner wasn't there. But Obama had a very valid concern. Pro-Progs have been saying he has no balls, no nuts, no stones. Clearly his manhood was brought into question, and he was in dire need of a virility restorative.
Hence he and Clinton appeared at a press conference shortly therafter, where he spent most of the time off to the side, checking his wristwatch, shuffling his feet restlessly, until he was quite in danger of soiling himself in fear of . . . his wife.
Indeed, Michelle was holding a party and she was waiting—size 14EEE foot tapping, or at least flapping—for him to show up and do his duty as host. Bill told him he'd better go, as he, for one, didn't want to make her mad. Since Bill knows a lot about the dire consequences of pissing off one's wife, whether she's his own or someone else's, Obama knew this was one nugget of elder statesman advice he'd better heed.
And so, like a Looney Tunes character sputtering, “I gotta go now, my judge is burning, fudge, I mean my fudge is burning, judge,” he ducked out of there.
I thought, “Now there's a real man.”
Unfortunately, the man I was looking at when I had that thought was Jake Tapper of ABC News, sitting in the front row.
Fast forward to yesterday, when Obama signed the Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act that guarantees the government will make damn sure my children will always have plenty of fresh celery sticks to eat:
https://my.barackobama.com/page/communi ... OFA/gGMKhD
(Click to see photos of Barack and Michelle doing kissy-face!)
Meanwhile, Sarah Palin is on TV every week shooting caribou, facing down bears, building fires, gutting fish, and always, always, it seems, wielding a gun. I'm starting to get this terribly cold, sick feeling that if she ever managed to steal a presidential election, that we'd never see her duck out in the middle of a press conference because it's Todd's poker night with his fishing and dogsled buddies, and he's waiting for her to make sandwiches and tear open a bag of trail mix for them.In signing a new law today to improve the quality of school lunches, President Obama paid joking tribute to its most prominent supporter: first lady Michelle Obama.
“Had I not been able to get this bill passed, I would be sleeping on the couch,” the president said.
Mrs. Obama, whose major issues include fighting childhood obesity, laughed and said, “let's just say it got done, so we don't have to go down that road.”
The Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act of 2010, a $4.5 billion measure, provides more free school meals to the pool, and gives the government more power to decide what foods can offered in those meals, as well as in school vending machines and fundraisers during school hours.
Or if she were ever President and signed a piece of legislation, she would never say something like, “Had I not been able to get this bill passed, Todd wouldn't come home and instead stay out all night at a strip club.”
For that matter, she wouldn't even sign something like The Healthy Hunger-Free Kids Act, now would she? Barack Obama sees hungry kids and signs a piece of paper mandating billions of dollars for programs that dictate what they can eat and when and where, and maybe by the middle of this century we'll start seeing results, but only as long as we keep throwing money at it.
Sarah Palin, on the other hand, sees hungry kids, and all she does is grab a gun to shoot something and they're happily scarfing it down that same night.
Comrades, there's something very wrong here, and I'm not sure what it is. But I am so dismayed and disenchanted that I don't know what else to do except just stand here in the freezing cold and be miserable about it until someone else comes along to make it all better for me. I used to think that someone was Barack Obama. But while I shiver out here, waiting for my free mortgage and gas and Obama money from his stash, there he is, cowering huddled behind his wife.
I think I'd like to join him. Certainly there should be plenty of room.
soul.
