The People's Cube - Political Satire

And that something is imaginatively called The White House Council for Community Solutions! It's new! It's cool! It's edgy! It's—dare I say it—a whole New Paradigm for Hope and Change!

The White House Council for Community Solutions! It's—it's—well, I'm not sure what it really is, except it's something to which Obama has appointed rock star Jon Bon Jovi. Indeed, that seems to be all that anyone, at least in the news media, knows about it, but who wants to bore themselves or others with petty little details?

White House Appoints Bon Jovi

https://www.politico.com/click/stories/ ... _jovi.html

Actor. Poet. Musician. Performer. Rocker Jon Bon Jovi can now add one more title to his impressive resume: White House appointee.
On Tuesday, President Barack Obama signed an executive order establishing the White House Council for Community Solutions, and Bon Jovi appears as one of the individuals appointed to the group.

Since I've never heard of any of the other Useful Idiots appointed to the Council (almost as many as there are Czars), I suspect Bon Jovi, like the man who appointed him, is just a token rock star celebrity, whose glitter and glamour will provide the masses with a vital distraction from whatever the hell is really going on here. But who cares about all that? After all, BON JOVI has been appointed to—uh, something—by none other than BARACK OBAMA!

According to the White House website:

WASHINGTON – Today, President Barack Obama signed an Executive Order establishing the White House Council for Community Solutions. The Council will provide advice to the President on the best ways to mobilize citizens, nonprofits, businesses and government to work more effectively together to solve specific community needs.

Huh? How will they, or rather, how will Bon Jovi do that? Well, let us read further:

In addition to providing advice to the President on solving specific community needs, the White House Council for Community Solutions has been tasked with three key functions: enlisting leaders in the non-profit, private, and philanthropic sectors to make progress on key policy goals; providing strategic input and recommendations to help the federal government promote greater innovation and cross-sector collaboration; and honoring and highlighting those making a significant impact in their own communities.

Oh my, look at all those verbs! Verbs are like the cars in a train—a gravy train, to be exact. The more cars you attach to it, the longer the train, the slower the journey to its intended destination, and that means you'll always need more money to keep the train going. Now that's the Progressive way to run a railroad!

But why should I worry my pretty little red-scarfed head about that, when they have a bright and shiny object like Bon Jovi, dangling from the whole thing like a big gaudy tree ornament to make it extra sparkly and impressive, and hide the ugly spot where all the needles are falling off! So many obfuscating verbs, like the tinsel that gets into everything and will keep us occupied with picking it out of the carpet between now and Obama's next big initiative! But who cares about all that? We've got Bon Jovi on the Council!

Now, let us grab our shovels and start shoveling verbs as we break down those “three key functions” of The White House Council for Community Solutions (starring Jon Bon Jovi!):

1. Enlisting leaders in the non-profit, private, and philanthropic sectors to make progress on key policy goals;

Put another way, that means, “Shake down those leaders for money so we can continue funding for The White House Council for Community Solutions!” MONEY!

2. Providing strategic input and recommendations to help the federal government promote greater innovation and cross-sector collaboration;

This sounds a lot like Item 1, doesn't it? But in fact, it simply means, “Tell the government it needs to pass another stimulus package to continue funding The White House Council for Community Solutions!” MORE MONEY!

3. Honoring and highlighting those making a significant impact in their own communities.

Translation: “Make an issue out of something and raise enough awareness of how much more you care about it than anyone else, and you could win an all expense paid trip to meet Barack Obama, and stand next to him when he signs another act committing more money to your pet cause! You might even get to pet Bo the Dog! Oh, and Bon Jovi might serenade you!” GOOD GRIEF, EVEN MORE MONEY! ZEROES AS FAR AS THE EYE CAN SEE!

Oh, this is so for me! I'm a shoo-in to meet Bon Jovi and sing a duet with him! Now that's something I can care about!

[img]/red/images/clipart/Prog_Off.gif[/img]
Seeing the words " community " and " awareness " in the same paragraph sets off alarms for those who are skeptical about the existence of unicorns.

Bon Jovi? WTF? Poor old Bono must be crying his eyes out behind those blue shades. He's done so much charity work and gets no credit. Didn't he hobnob with both Clinton and Bushitler to divert more tax money to self infected AIDS sufferers in Africa? Did he not tirelessly pest the UN to divert more of it's member nation's money as well? Did he not create the ACT charity which generously devotes a whopping 2% of the money it collects to buy medicine for irresponsible fuckers in Africa, the remaining 98% being used to provide lavish salaries to the directors and to buy more advertising so it can collect more money from soft hearted dupes so the directors can raise their salaries along with awareness that "AIDS is bad, mkay?"

I mean what has Bon Jovi done to deserve such honors?

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Bon Jovi? WTF? Poor old Bono must be crying his eyes out behind those blue shades. He's done so much charity work and gets no credit. Didn't he hobnob with both Clinton and Bushitler to divert more tax money to self infected AIDS sufferers in Africa? Did he not tirelessly pest the UN to divert more of it's member nation's money as well? Did he not create the ACT charity which generously devotes a whopping 2% of the money it collects to buy medicine for irresponsible fuckers in Africa, the remaining 98% being used to provide lavish salaries to the directors and to buy more advertising so it can collect more money from soft hearted dupes so the directors can raise their salaries along with awareness that "AIDS is bad, mkay?"

I mean what has Bon Jovi done to deserve such honors?

The answer to that question is " nothing ". And since having little to no experience is one of the hallmarks of this administration, Bon Jovi has probably been deemed " useful ".

Don't be so quick to judge, comrades. From the same White House link above, here are Bon Jovi's creds:

Jon Bon Jovi, Appointee for Member, White House Council for Community Solutions
Jon Bon Jovi currently serves as Chairman of the Jon Bon Jovi Soul Foundation, a non-profit organization dedicated to helping the lives of those in need. The Soul Foundation launches programs and partnerships with the intent to break the cycle of poverty and homelessness in the United States. To date, Mr. Bon Jovi and the Soul Foundation have provided affordable housing to hundreds of low-income individuals and families. Mr. Bon Jovi is also the lead singer of the Grammy Award winning group Bon Jovi, which has sold more than 120 million albums and performed more than 2,600 concerts for more than 34 million fans.

It's not much different from my own CRAP (Caring and Raising Awareness by Pinkie). Or that charity founded by George Costanza--The Human Fund: "Money for People."

Now stop complaining and start shoveling.

How could he appoint this man without the title Czar? He could then be a Czar Bon!

Pinkie, you have piqued my interest in JBJSF so I visited their site.

Well, it turns out they take donations and then provide grants to other non-profit 501 (3) organizations who then provide services to the impoverished. Very laudable I suppose.

But it seems in my lifetime billions, perhaps trillions of tax dollars and contributions have been funneled into programs to help the poor and homeless. Yet we still have poor and homeless people. If they had just divided the money up they could have given every poor person $2,000 a month for life.

Clearly the problem isn't with charitable giving, it's with the programs that dispense the money in ineffectual dribs and drabs and only seem to enrich the people who administer them.

With that in mind I propose that the People's Cube start a charitable trust with the Inner Party serving as it's board of directors. The first million dollars collected each year will go to pay our salaries and any extra money will be doled out to other registered charities (let them deal with the unwashed masses).

The board of directors will meet every month at some 4 star resort (all expenses paid) to review the applications for support we receive and decide which will get a grant.

(All in favor?)

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:It's new! It's cool! It's edgy! It's—dare I say it—a whole New Paradigm for Hope and Change!

Comrade Whoopie wrote:
I mean what has Bon Jovi done to deserve such honors?

I'm all for this idea of Comrade Whoopie's to create a foundation. How about the Council for Community Caring & Progress with Commissarka Pinkie as the Chairwoman? The only thing I question is the first million as salaries for the Board of Directors. Why set our sights so low?

Grigori E.R. wrote:I'm all for this idea of Comrade Whoopie's to create a foundation. The only thing I question is the first million as salaries for the Board of Directors. Why set our sights so low?

Good point Grigori. I forgot that charity begins at home. Besides I suspect that many long gone and nearly forgotten Inner Party members will suddenly reappear as soon as word gets out.

Comrades. Our Dear Leader has appointed comrade John Francis Bongiovi, Jr. to serve as a community organizer to the.....community organizer. Chairman Obama is having a glorious week, indeed. Just last Thursday our Dear Leader appointed President Clinton to serve as....well...uh....President, and now, he hires "Francis" to help him organize The People's communities into a most glorious Utopian state. Perhaps the Chairman can appoint other washed up rock-starlets to positions in his glorious team.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bkb6Xmh ... re=related

There may be clues here

You commies, always conspiring to do good. Hey, maybe you get Fidel Castro to be the photogenic face of The People's Cube Fund For Wayward Shovels.

Bah! Humbug!

I think we need to start taxing your little do-gooder non-profits. In fact, I think we need to end business taxes because there's no such thing as taxing a business - it's always a consumer tax - and what we need to do is tax your little con job non-profits to the hilt! Maybe then the tax payers can get some of their money back.

What a crock. Damn commies...

Can I be secretary of the Council for Community Caring & Progress? I promise I won't get in the way and I work cheap. The last place paid me $850,000 a year so I think I should get at least that. I can make coffee and type.

Definitely, your (or must I say "our", as now it is demonstrated that laws for the Spanish Socialist Soviet Republik are dictated from the American Politburo) most gracious leader Obama is livin' on a prayer.
Wasn't God the opium of the people? I denounce comrade The potus!

Welcome to the People's Blog Katpain. By accepting his compromise proposals the foolish GOP will enable Obama to dupe the Independents into re-electing him. Due to their short attention spans, by 2012 they will have forgotten that he tricked them the same way in 2008.

Of course when the GOP digs in it's heels on some issue, our media tools will portray them as radical Rightwing extremists which by comparison will make Obama seem all the more moderate.

Pinkie, I reject your analysis of stacked verbs. Verbs imply action. I recommend that we use only one verb a sentence and use only verbals which remove as much as possible. Personally I always plump for the many-splendored adjectival wreck, with one noun traduced into qualifying role and a train of adverbs in front of it, with, if at all possible, some hyphenated monstrosity, itself at least half noun, as the locomotive.

Completely impenetrable. I recommend L. Ron Hubbard as an example.

But as far as community solutions go, could this please, pretty pretty please, mean concentration camps? There are people who are really pissing me off and the best community solution would be their incarceration without the possibility of parole, and with their space released for the next kulak in five years or less. Because I'm Father Prog Theocritus.

Margaret, have you applied for Miss Resentment Moochelle's last post at U of Chicago? It was made for her and just because it wasn't filled after she left, doesn't mean it won't open up if a good prog applies. Just make sure you can deliver some votes on the South Side.

Oh, but they made up that post just for her. It isn't there anymore. Besides, there's the following in the footsteps factor - Moochelle's seat would be just too darned wide for me to fill. I know my limitations. I'm not substantial enough. I'd never measure up. And no one is going to get me to get that fat!

I want to follow my own destiny! Won't anyone make up a post for me?

Dear Father Frog Theocritus, if I kiss you maybe you'll turn into my prince and fork over with a cushy post with lots of moolla?

Theocritus, I'm surprised at you of all people--you, who with every post you make, send me running to the dictionary to look up some $100 word you dragged out of your thesaurus and then dropped into your text like a big steaming pile of something.

It's all about funding. Which one of these sentences is going to get you more money?

1. The Council will provide advice to the President on the best ways to mobilize citizens, nonprofits, businesses and government to work more effectively together to solve specific community needs. [Four verbs total. Mimeswiped from the White House website linked above.]

2. They will solve problems. [I called upon my brain to think of this original thought which I decided might be best able to express the pithiest way of writing Item 1 using only one verb to make my point.]

It's called Pinkie's Principles on Parts of Speech: The more verbs, the more shoveling.

More Verbs = More Shoveling = Bigger, Better Shovels = More Money Forever and Ever!

I think you can figure out from here what's being shoveled that requires extra big shovels, and probably extra thick boots.

But you want to choose Item 1. All those verbs make it sound so impressive. It also makes it sound as if Bon Jovi is going to be very busy, and if we want to keep him very busy--oops, let me rephrase that with more verbs--if we want the masses to think he's being kept busy working for the WH Council--then we have to give him lots of money.

But if you go with Item 2--"They will solve problems"--why the hell should I give them money based solely on that? If they say they'll solve problems, then--well--problem solved. No need to throw money at a problem if it's solved.

I could probably write a whole separate topic on this, and maybe someday I will; there are numerous examples to draw upon in the archives, most notably having to do with Global Warming. There's a reason they've been saying for 30 years that we only have less than 10 years left to save the planet, otherwise we'll all turn to cinders and die.

In the meantime, make up a position for Margaret. Nancy did it for Clyburn, didn't she?

Grigori E.R. wrote:I'm all for this idea of Comrade Whoopie's to create a foundation. How about the Council for Community Caring & Progress with Commissarka Pinkie as the Chairwoman? The only thing I question is the first million as salaries for the Board of Directors. Why set our sights so low?

CCCP
Because WE Care!

Basic rule of collective enrichment: STEAL BIG, Comrade. Kopec ante crime lands you in gulag. Grand scheming for vast sums looks like honest labor. Avoid half vast enterprises.

I don't get it. What's a verb?

Comrade Margaret,

There is no need to create a post for you, you can post here whenever you want.

Comrade Radio,
Welcome! What does Copy Cat Corrupt Progressive have to do with caring?

Putinka-swilling Pinkie wrote:But if you go with Item 2--"They will solve problems"--why the hell should I give them money based solely on that? If they say they'll solve problems, then--well--problem solved. No need to throw money at a problem if it's solved.

Commissarka, I doff my babushka (yeah, I know, but Bruno made it and it's just easier this way). Such a succinct solution to insoluble problems.

We will solve problems. We get your money, problem solved. Well, it is for us, because we've got your money. This is all in the General Theory of Relativity, isn't it? I mean, how fast things are going determines how fast time goes. And as the excellent Obamugabe observed in taking the football and running with the Unified Theory of Progitronics, there is the Event Truth Horizon. Which is of course that horizon which all true progs must pass, and having passed it, are assured never of having to bother their heads with reality again.

This is the true Nirvana of prog rectitude. Being a prog means never having to say you thought of consequences. Once the true prog has crossed the Event Truth Horizon, he, she, or confused-gender prog-person is saved from the worry of existence.

So. Brilliant work, dear Commissarka, but I do wish that you'd quit parsing things so much. After all, with your rheumy, blood-shot eyes, your back bent from years in the furrows of the beet fields, your legs bowed from calcium deficiency from bearing a score of Progugend, and that fetching miasma of ill-digested borsch and rotted potato, you are the very flower of politically correct female progitude.

And for such a delicate blossom to be seen thinking is unseemly. Relish your beauty, my dear. In all the prog world there is no one with quite your halitosis. It shows that you eat only the finest rotted potatoes.

1. I denounce Comrade Tooorisky for making double postings !


2. "Father Theo" sure waxes eloquent on Friday nights !


" Wax on, wax off. "

I wax eloquent all the time, you know.

Just ask me. Especially if I've had a Nanski.

How about this....substitute a Molson Ice for the bourbon.

You could call it a " Canadian Sunset ".

Krasnodar, if you prefer to monkey with the taste of a classic Nanski Berlin Wallbanger, then it's on your head.

There is a chemical problem with that recipe too: not enough kick. The Nanski is about 25% alcohol. The bourbon is about 50% booze. You need that to get that certain self-righteousness, and the glassy look about the eyes.

Do you think that Dear Nanski looks like that because the doctor slipped and shot her eyeballs with botox? No. It's the Nanski Berlin Wallbangers she takes.

If you want the taste of the beer, that's fine. But then you have to double the hydrocodone. Or take a shot of Everclear on the side.

The alcohol content must not decrease lest sanity set in. And then it wouldn't be a Nanski, would it?