The People's Cube - Political Satire

Komrades:

As I was shoveling my pavement this evening (for the fiftieth or so time this week) it occurred to me that we, in the Party, are faced with a dilemma that is no longer camouflaged well by the euphemism of "Global Climate Change."

After much consideration, I wish to submit before the Central Kommittee the proposal to make another, minor modification the CurrentTruth™ which will better harness the potential powers inherent in the current climate crisis (i.e. make it more palatable considering everyone is freezing their beets off or are stuck in various and sundry international airports due to the unseasonably COLD weather).
~
After two very harsh, gulag-friendly winters and equally mild summers, the proles are no longer hoodwinked by convinced of the junk scientific consensus supporting anthropogenic Global Warming Climate Change. Indeed, their “common sense” is causing them to question PartyWisdom™ , and -- by logical extension -- the self-evident requirement for cap and tax cap and trade schemes that will prove most lucrative to the Party Coffers. Lest we lose international momentum on the global governance of human emissions, we must act NOW with all necessary alacrity.

Now, should this trend of downward temperatures continue unabated (which is scientifically provable to be the only logical possibility), we will most assuredly face the very ice age that respected climatologists were hystericalsuitably concerned about in the mid-1970s. Indeed, womyn and minorities will be hardest hit by the impending glacialisation and subsequent southerly migration of hungry polar bears. There can be little doubt in the minds of intelligent and sane individuals that this dangerous downturn in the mercury can ONLY be attributued to the activity of the homosaipien species.

Fortunately, -- as alluded to earlier -- a substantial body of work already exists to support this ground breaking adjustment to the CurrentTruth. All that is required is to adjust the dates, change a few names and claim that the recent upswing in temperatures was merely a brief spell of normal climate conditions which may never occur again if we do not radically curb our carbon dioxide emissions (aka. Carbon footprint).



[See https://sweetness-light.com/archive/newsweeks-1975-article-about-the-coming-ice-age for a sample of previous propaganda news on the matter]



Now, I do understand the stresses such an adjustment to the CurrentTruth will lay on the MemoryHoles™ and those stalwart party members in the ProfessionalLeft™ forced to fill them. Fortunately, the proles are short on memory and very malleable to the opinions of mindless film stars and popular musicians. Likewise, the little public school-indoctrinated educated lemmings cherubs are most susceptible to the notion that famished polar bears are trudging across the ever growing, seamless ice sheets to eat them in lieu of cute, cuddly polar bears drowning in melted polar ice water. Indeed, they will believe whatever their teachers tell them to believe and harangue their parents accordingly.

Of gravest concern however is the necessary purge of various PartyElite™ who have become ensconced in long-term public memories to the point that their reputations are inseparable from and forever tarnished by the idiotic notion of anthropogenic “Global Warming.” Such notable greedy “Global Warming” profiteers and fat cats as Al Gore must be brought before the obligatory series of show trials and have all memory of their existence erased rehabilitated from before the collective conscious. The positive aspect of this, of course, is that those of us who were early to recognise the dangers of Global Cooling -- such as yours' truly -- and press for immediate action will be in the vanguard to profit yield the dividends of a grateful public in the stead of those vanquished fear-mongering traitors of the public good.

There is my motion. Are there any willing to second the motion and get in on the ground floor?

Also, submissions of Global Cooling artwork that will help illustrate the dire straits we are in are most appreciated.

After all, one must never allow a good crisis to go to waste.

Piers Corbyn believes that the last three winters could be the harbinger of a mini ice age that could be upon us by 2035, and that it could start to be colder than at any time in the last 200 years. He goes on to speculate that a genuine ice age might then settle in, since an ice age is now cyclically overdue.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/borisjohnson/8213058/The-man-who-repeatedly-beats-the-Met-Office-at-its-own-game.html

Obamugabe wrote:

Piers Corbyn believes that the last three winters could be the harbinger of a mini ice age that could be upon us by 2035, and that it could start to be colder than at any time in the last 200 years. He goes on to speculate that a genuine ice age might then settle in, since an ice age is now cyclically overdue.

https://www.telegraph.co.uk/comment/columnists/borisjohnson/8213058/The-man-who-repeatedly-beats-the-Met-Office-at-its-own-game.html

Hmmm... My Dear Obamugabe, these are somewhat helpful in establishing the template; however, terminology such as "mini" and "cyclical" do not convey the appropriate degree of concern we require to sound the alarm. Indeed, they undermine the effort to pin the blame on manmade causes we wish to control -- as it were -- for the CommonGood™.

For instance, a marvelous bi-product of your own, necessary agribusiness reforms in the Peoples' Paradise of Zimbabwe has been the near elimination of an agricultural cabon footprint. We wish to emphasise the need for similar curtailment of greed-based economic activities and their nasty carbon emissions to prevent the entire globe from becoming ice-encrusted and infested with free-range polar bears!

Unless otherwise notified, I will consider your response a second to my motion. At this point the floor is open for debate on the issue [provided of course you agree with the growing scientific consensus that manmade global cooling and an anthropogenic ice age of considerable magnitude lie in our future].

Just as soon as we find a somewhat plausible linkage between solar activity and unrestrained capitalism we're back in business.

Hmmm, perhaps human activity is in some way deflecting solar radiation.

Comrades,

Before we get all worked up!

Globull Warming has become such an accepted fact, in scientific circles it is called a Algorithum, which is based on feelings and not facts.

This potential incremental ice age hysteria [PIIAH] is based on facts, scientific [political] consensus is never built on facts!

Those pushing Ice Age are just in it for the money, no one from the Global Warming Camp has made anything! [if you don't count speaking fees, federal grants, book sales, or movies]

There you have it, corruption versus science, the conclusion could not be more obvious!

Massive Global Cooling caused by Americans

Fact: The greedy Americans hog the sunshine for half a day, every day of the year, leaving only half a day of sunshine for the other half of the world.

Why should the western hemisphere enjoy half of the sunshine when most of the world's population is on the other side of the world?

Profound question indeed.

Americans should be ashamed of themselves.

The UN has proposed a Sunshine Tax on America to spread the sunshine around the rest of the world.

Oh, and let us not forget National Geographic of November 1976

https://revolution2.us/content/docs/global_cooling/index.html

Whoopie wrote:Just as soon as we find a somewhat plausible linkage between solar activity and unrestrained capitalism we're back in business.

Why strain at gnats, Whoopie? Since when has plausible bothered us?

Do you think that Paul Krugman is a plausible economist? To the NYT he is, and the NYT is our former paper of record. And didn't he get a Nobel? I'm sure that he had to work for it for Nobels just don't happen, unless you're dear O'Leader.

So by definition Paul Krugman is plausible even if a lemonade stand that he ran would be bankrupt by 9:30 AM.

Comrade Whoopie said;"Hmmm, perhaps human activity is in some way deflecting solar radiation."

Of course it is. Man made pollutants are blocking the Sun's rays from getting to the Earth. That's the Current Truth, plain and simple. Now let's not hear any more of this "plausible" business and get on with purging these global warming traitors from our midst. We have carbon credits to collect re-distribute Comrades. The Cabal of Corporate Capitalist's must pay for what they are doing to our dear Mother Earth.

Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote:
Oh, and let us not forget National Geographic of November 1976

https://revolution2.us/content/docs/global_cooling/index.html

After that didn't pan out they set their sights on nuclear waste, just in case anyone had the bright idea about building nuclear reactors to meet energy demands.



Every 10 years the kids get a new environmental scare but always the same boogieman to blame. Now we have to scare them with global warming...and they have to be trained to recycle.

Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote:

Funny thing is the NYC sanitation workers response to cut backs in overtime was to call in sick when this blizzard hit. Union...

Agitprop for the Cause™

I feel a new sequel for the new reality of global cooling is in order.

Of course a new sequence will be needed. Ask 7.62, the Commissar of Time. We have found him very convenient. A five-year plan is always just being started, and is also always just being gloriously completed.

Since I will be able to prove I was anywhere except where I was when I was robbing something, that indicates a true prog's mastery of time.

What is time, but an evil thing which is oppressing all right-thinking people?

Dear Father Prog, of course you are correct. Time is an oppressive force, which is why The Party(TM) has harnessed and tamed it for the Collective Good(TM). BTW, where did you want to be last Tuesday around midnight again? My recently purged assistant lost the details.

New Paradigm wrote:

Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote:

Funny thing is the NYC sanitation workers response to cut backs in overtime was to call in sick when this blizzard hit. Union...

In the Glorious World of Next Tuesday™ there will be no need for sanitation workers. Everything will be recycled to stop Anthropocentric Global Cooling.

It's already the glorious world of next Tuesday on the other side of the world-

Comrade Tooorisky wrote:Comrades,

Before we get all worked up!

Globull Warming has become such an accepted fact, in scientific circles it is called a Algorithum, which is based on feelings and not facts.

This potential incremental ice age hysteria [PIIAH] is based on facts, scientific [political] consensus is never built on facts!

Those pushing Ice Age are just in it for the money, no one from the Global Warming Camp has made anything! [if you don't count speaking fees, federal grants, book sales, or movies]

There you have it, corruption versus science, the conclusion could not be more obvious!

DENIER! DENIER!

I denounce you forthwith and banish you to shovel snow from my walkway for the balance of the winter. After which, you will be fed to the polar bears!

Comrades,

It appears that we have a consensus. The question is; how do we use AGC to separate money from Amerikkkans? I see that the DHS is on the case and that will be helpful in clamping down on them, but we need wealth to plunder redistribute. AGC will hit the developed world much heavier than the undeveloped world. There has to be an angle for us to make a profit help the oppressed.

I remain,
Dr. Chicago

The Peoples Scientists ™ are busy formulating the "plausibility" of AGC to be dispersed to the proles as we speak.

Dr. Chicago wrote:The question is; how do we use AGC to separate money from Amerikkkans?...we need wealth to plunder redistribute. ...There has to be an angle for us to make a profit help the oppressed.

Au contrar, Komrade Doktor Chi.

There is no requirement to reinvent the wheel on this matter. The necessary inner workings already exist, thanks to those PartyElite™ who will soon find themselves purged rehabilitated from the Party rolls. We will still cap and trade those lucrative carbon credits to our hearts content as necessary to *ahem* "help the oppressed" as you put it (...I don't know about you Komrade, but I am feeling very oppressed during this holiday season). The issue at hand is that the general public is no longer convinced of the requirement to have their wealth redistributed if the idea is to REDUCE global temperatures in light of the unseasonably chilly weather.

However, by changing the message – or rather the REASON -- we are still able redistribute the wealth as before, only the rationale is different -- and far more convincing.

Which would you rather believe if snowed in an airport two winters straight: Global Warming or Global Cooling? And wouldn't you want the government to fix it?

...And since those PartyElite who established the infrastructure in the first place will soon be purged rehabilitated from the Party rolls, we will need willing 'volunteers' to fill the void and “assist” in the wealth redistribution. As you well know, those chosen to “assist” in the wealth redistribution get to mete out to whom and how much is redistributed (…and some are more equal than others, don't you know). :-)

Anthropogenic Global Cooling ..........how can the party induce hysteria for the opposite reason as advertised by The Goreacle ?

What to do....What to do ?
GOT IT !

1. We need to start burning tires to increase carbon in the atmosphere to heat the world back up.

2. But first, the gov't will " acquire " all tires by emergency executive order.

3. Government mandates that every one burns a tire.

4. Everyone will be required to purchase a tire from the gov't for $ 100 ea., or receive a
$ 500 fine along with an automatic tax audit.

Basically, it's along to same guidelines as Obamacare. E-zee, P-zee.........

Krasnodar, you are showing a strange new ability to be a real monster.

Congratulations. I know someone who's on the short list for a May Day promotion.

Comrade Pinkie, right ?

Hey...she's got the shovel, if you know what I mean......

The Palestinians are already contributing towards solving the AGC crisis. Unlike those illiterate Israelis, who just don't get it.

( Would someone out there be kind enough to give those kids a call and tell them, that despite their laudable behavior, they have their flag flying upside-down ?.....Thx.)

This Anthropogenic Global Cooling excellent news comrades, the more frozen tundra to shovel the better... the more environmental cooling the more ushanka's.... the more cold weather the more пальто... we have many proles looking for shovel ready jobs, and the best shoveling is in the frozen tundra.

Much better than Global Warming... then what? More bating suits? (*spit*)

In light of recent debates on Anthropogenic Global Cooling in the archaic chamber of the states representatives we have sent a purge request to Central Planning to remove from the historical record all documents related to claims of Global Cooling, this document should no longer be spread amongst the masses and must be purged.

Furthermore, We hereby re-recognize Comrade Linus Pauling's contributions to The People's Business, especially in stopping proliferation of Nuclear Energy in the USSA and recipient of Glorious Order of Lenin. And if you don't follow the party line you to will be banished to obscurity like the thoughtcriminal Art Robinson. If Lenin were alive today, Comrade John Holdren's continued efforts among the many glorious People's Scientists would not go unrewarded.

To all The People's Scientists a Glorious People's Cube Honor is in order: