The People's Cube - Political Satire

**1/4/2011, 9:19 pm**

Comrades, you have got to admire our betters in the wonderful tolerant socialist anti-Islamophobic green AGW-hating continent of Europe; last fall, they wisely banned a despicable destructive Gaia-hating piece of obsolete capitalist reactionary technology - you know it as the incandescent light bulb - invented by that dead white male Edison so you know it's no damn good for anything. But, this intelligent action has not altered the path of disastrous climate constipation disruption as of yet.... Thanks to centuries of Amerikka's pouring of vile carbon dioxide into mother atmosphere, Europe is cold this winter! (I know this is OUR fault because this sort of thing never happened before. Otherwise, Hitler wouldn't have hung around our beloved Stalingrad for nearly two years during WWII if the weather there was really cold or something.)

Anyway, our comrades needed a little something to warm their correctly-sized behinds until this cold spell caused by John Boehner blows over or he is impeached or something. Not surprisingly, those clever Euros have come up with a great little invention: HEAT BALLS!

Mother Nature Network wrote: Skirting EU law: The rebranding of incandescent bulbs as 'Heat Balls'

A German businessman is getting around a law banning incandescent bulbs by selling them under a different name.

Mon, Oct 25 2010 at 11:35 AM EST

You gotta hand it to German businessman Siegfried Rotthaeuser, who came up with a brilliant run around the European Union ban on conventional incandescent light bulbs — he rebranded them as "Heat Balls" and is importing them for sale as a "small heating device."

Rotthaeuser's website is in German, but Google does a passable job of translation. First, he's clear that the Heat Ball isn't for lighting, stating (in German, the following is translated) "A HEAT BALL ® is not a lamp, but it fits in the same version!"

Further down: "The use of Heat Balls avoids the lack of heat. The intended use of heat Balls is the heating. "

The funny thing about this is that incandescent bulbs are fairly efficient when they are used as heaters, throwing off around 95 percent of the energy they draw as heat. In colder climates, using the bulbs for lighting isn't always an inefficient choice as the bulbs add to the warmth of the home.

The problem is that people will buy Heat Balls primarily as a way around the ban on incandescent bulbs. Rotthaeuser's Heat Balls could end up taking off in a market starved for the familiar warmth of the incandescent bulb.

The solution to this problem is a better lightbulb. We need LEDs and CFL bulbs that offer good light in an inexpensive package. We're getting there but are still more than a few more cycles of R&D away.

In the meantime, if you live in Germany and are jonesing for an incandescent, take a look at the Heat Ball.

https://www.mnn.com/earth-matters/energy/blogs/skirting-eu-law-the-rebranding-of-incandescent-bulbs-as-heat-balls

Gosh, I'm impressed. The Euros are always coming up with better stuff than the knuckle-dragging Neanderthals in this stupid country, like Nationalized Health Care, Marxism, and Haggis. No wonder our Dear Leader is always trying to get us to be more like them, but the idiots here just don't get it! The stupidity of the proles here is just so frustrating.

Well, I'm off now.... I'm going to replace all my stupid old incandescent light bulbs with these great new HEAT BALLS!

**1/4/2011, 10:35 pm**

They would be good for cooking, too. I noticed that I wasn't able to cook a cake anymore in my Easy Bake Oven with a squiggly bulb.

And, here's a really sad thing. As you know, we progressives love to be sad and concerned, and concerned and sad. Well, here's a really sad story. I just figured out how my cat died. It must have been when we replaced her outdoor heat lamp with a squiggly lamp, because one morning we found her frozen - stiff as a board - with all fours in up in the air.

**1/4/2011, 10:56 pm**

Comrades,

If the Gorebot had known this he could have written a book or made a really bad fake disaster film.
Thomas Edison had to be a big time time dummy, the best way to heat a home is with a fire place, not a "Light bulb". Did he call them that because they were lighter than kerosene lamps, or because they could produce light? The production of heat must have been an undesirable consequence of light production.Maybe they could be sold in the US as heat bulbs.

**1/5/2011, 12:34 am**

Comrade Leninka, the epic failure of your oven is all for the best as our Glorious First Lady Michelle has warned us about the consumption of the counter-revolutionary foodstuffs you allude to (if I may paraphrase, her words were "Let them not eat cake!) And I am also sadly concerned about your former cat; perhaps if the state were to allow you to acquire another companion animal in the future, you should acquire a small, multi-story dwelling for it to use to avoid the adverse affects of climate disruption which claimed the prior fellow. (Of course, if you could play quarterback like Micheal Vick, you could just ignore the damn thing and Dear Leader will likely call and thank you for rehabilitating yourself by throwing a touchdown pass.)

Comrade Tooorisky, I believe Edison called them light bulbs because he imagined he was going to plant them and they would grow and produce light. I have long known this selfish reactionary to be a fool. The man is widely quoted as saying "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiraton." Everyone knows that all genius comes from the state.

**1/5/2011, 1:03 am**

You know, we progressives have often solved problems just by renaming something: Global Warming is now "Climate Change." Mentally Retarded is now Intellectually Challenged, Terrorists are now called "Freedom Fighters," illegal aliens are now "Undocumented Workers," Group Good Night Kissing is now called "A Lipstick Party," the list goes on and on.

**1/5/2011, 10:06 am**

Hmm Heat balls eh? Sounds like a brave new step forward. After doing a little research, I have found out these heat balls, unlike the new government mandated bulbs, are mercury free! And as every good comrade knows, the prols out there will throw out the mandated mercury free bulbs which will fill up the landfills with mercury and harm the planet so I fully support these new Heat Balls as a way to save Mother Earth!

**1/5/2011, 12:30 pm**

Opiate of the People wrote:...
Comrade Tooorisky, I believe Edison called them light bulbs because he imagined he was going to plant them and they would grow and produce light. I have long known this selfish reactionary to be a fool. The man is widely quoted as saying "Genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiraton." Everyone knows that all genius comes from the state.

Comrade, here is the state's evidence of criminal Edison's evil:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkBU3aYsf0Q

I'll have my Dumbo burger medium-well please!

To be fair, this was a criminal pachyderm that pilfered peanuts from zoo commissar's pocket.

**1/5/2011, 6:21 pm**

goodness gracious great balls of HEAT!

**1/5/2011, 6:25 pm**

Leninka wrote:You know, we progressives have often solved problems just by renaming something: Global Warming is now "Climate Change." Mentally Retarded is now Intellectually Challenged, Terrorists are now called "Freedom Fighters," illegal aliens are now "Undocumented Workers," Group Fellatio is now called "A Lipstick Party," the list goes on and on.

Like self-serving greedy rent-seeking scumbag politicians are honorable public servants and brain-dead leftwing agitprop peddlers are objective journalists. I see, I see.

**1/5/2011, 6:38 pm**

Kim_Jung_Il'n wrote: Comrade, here is the state's evidence of criminal Edison's evil:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RkBU3aYsf0Q

I'll have my Dumbo burger medium-well please!

To be fair, this was a criminal pachyderm that pilfered peanuts from zoo commissar's pocket.

Honorable Comrade President-For-Life Kim, you may not be familiar with Amerikkan trivia but the Criminal Pachyderm is the mascot for the Arch-Nemesis-of-the-People Rethuglican Party so the execution of same by Edison was an act of social justice or something.

Dumbo burger medium-well? Good to know at least one person in the People's Utopia of North Korea has food.

**1/5/2011, 8:23 pm**

Ted State wrote:Hmm Heat balls eh? Sounds like a brave new step forward. After doing a little research, I have found out these heat balls, unlike the new government mandated bulbs, are mercury free! And as every good comrade knows, the prols out there will throw out the mandated mercury free bulbs which will fill up the landfills with mercury and harm the planet so I fully support these new Heat Balls as a way to save Mother Earth!

These may well be one of the most important planet savings inventions of the century, especially in the saving of hydroponically grown plants.

**1/5/2011, 11:11 pm**

Here in the "Great White North" having warm balls is critical...

**1/6/2011, 2:19 am**

Heat. Balls. Balls. Heat. Heheheheheh. Damnit, did I get Google to block the Cube again? My bad. Sorry. *Goes off to find Pinkie and ask her if she's seen his heat balls around.*

**1/12/2011, 8:53 pm**

Leninka wrote:... illegal aliens are now "Undocumented Workers,"

UPDATE: "Illegal Aliens" are now refered to as "Undocumented Democrats".

The People's Cube - Political Satire

Great New Product from Europe - HEAT BALLS!