The People's Cube - Political Satire

All Americans rejoiced at my State of the Union proposal for a Progressive Spending-Freeze as a failproof method for solving our deficit problem. Indeed, just as The Peoples Cube exemplifies the wisdom of the Progressive System guaranteeing that no one can fail, our latest high-tech advancement, The Peoples Ice Cube^TM, makes it impossible for such spending-freeze to fail to enable us to Progressively Freeze Spending.



Of course, what we intend to freeze is the rate of increases in spending so that our freeze does not jeopardize any vital Progressive program. We need to remember to include the word "freeze" (followed by rapid-fire/whisper-level pronounciation of "the-rate-of-increase-in") whenever we are forced to discuss "spending" in contrast to "investments."

It's okay to say we're increasing investments, but we must be sure to always choose our talking-point words with great care whenever we plan to use the word "freeze" to modify "spending." We also must make clear that the real meaning of the word "cut" is to slow the rate of growth.

The old definition of "cut" as meaning actually reducing something or making it smaller is an obsolete term not well understood in America since the Roaring Twenties except, of course, when used as a transitive verb with the direct object being "cheese."

We are only freezing the rate of increase of spending for what, 0.01% of the budget? The rest will go progressively up, and up, and up.

Rock Tsar wrote:We are only freezing the rate of increase of spending for what, 0.01% of the budget? The rest will go progressively up, and up, and up.

But you're only supposed to say that in the quietest, almost inaudible, whisper. We need to always speak the word FREEZE louder than any other word in any sentence we use to explain our plan to solve the deficit problem.
--Fearless Leader

The Peoples Ice Cube is a great idea Fearless Leader.

It puts me to mind of an old episode of, if I remember correctly, "Colombo". A murder case had the Police and the Coroner baffled. The routine autopsy revealed that the cause of death had been a gunshot wound to the chest and the bullet had not exited the body. After searching the body thoroughly, the bullet and or bullet fragments were no where to be found. In the end, Colombo figured it out. The killer had frozen water and shaped the ice in to bullets. He kept the bullets in a cooler until just before firing the weapon.

So to as the Peoples Ice Cube. If the outcome is not favorable (I'm sure it won't be) the evidence and the blame will just melt away.

Comrade Grigori,

I am awe-struck by your brilliance. No wonder you have for so long been a member of the inner-party leadership. Of course, it's now emcumbent on me for sake of my appearance and credibility as Fearless Leader to say, "That was my idea all along."

--Fearless Leader

We have seen in the real world that ice cubes are initially frozen but when people stop paying attention to them and go out to plant beets, the cubes melt and turn to water and eventually the water evaporates and disappears, thus destroying the freezing ability of the ice cube. But, I am sure this will not happen with the People's Ice Cube Spending Freeze because it is FAIL-PROOF. Good job.

All this talk of freezing appears, to me, to be inconsistent with our progressive message about Global Warming™.

Zampolit Blokhayev wrote:All this talk of freezing appears, to me, to be inconsistent with our progressive message about Global Warming™.

Comrade Zampolit Blokhayev,

No, it's wholly consistent because our "freezing" of government spending prevents reduction in the size and regulatory authority of government and thereby prevents economic growth and thereby saves the planet from the alternative under which the reich-wingers would slash spending and reduce government, which would spur economic growth and thereby threaten the planet by creating more CO-2.

And, the beauty of the plan is that eventually the Peoples Ice Cube will melt and thereby enable us to resume a rate of growth of government spending and authority to shrink economic activity even more and thus save GAIA even sooner.

--Fearless Leader