The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades, it's party denouncement time! We entered you all into the party Progressive Truth Generator™ -- you are denounced!

Commisarka Pinkie, you are a genocidal capitalist killer because you don't like paying taxes!

Commodore Snoogie Woogums, you are a flag-waving brownshirt because you think that the Fourth of July is the Capitalist Independence Day!

Comrade Whoopie, you are a child-abusing opportunist because you believe the bourgeois lies that the ozone hole has shrunk back!

Father Prog Theocritus, you are a gun-toting colonialist because you think O.J. was guilty!

Colonel 7.62, you are an individualistic capitalist swine because you support the Zionist entity!

Grigori, you are a blood-sucking Uncle Tom because you wouldn't want to sabotage Western civilization!
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Frauline, you are an arrogant brownshirt because you support the Zionist entity!

Chedoh, you are a homophobic Drudge Report reader because you doubt the fact that global warming is caused by American capitalism!

Comrade Tooorisky, you are an immigrant-bashing criminal because you believe in private property!

Reiuxcat, you are a right-wing white-trash scum because you think that illegal aliens should not have the right to free medical care when even US citizens don't have that right!

Che Gourmet, you are an individualistic elitist because you flush the toilet after each use!

Margaret, you are a flag-waving Christian zealot because you consider the UN feckless debating society that should be disbanded!

Comrade Otis , you are an inhuman caveman because you think terrorists are diabolical killers, not "freedom fighters"!

Whinny-da-PBUH, you are a profiteering bigot because you pay taxes that support the military!

Commissar Elliott, you are a nativistic red-meat eater because you think that no broadcasting institution, however progressive, should receive public funding!

Natasha Grupthinkski, you are an arrogant imperialist because you put your family first!

KOOK, you are a price-gouging elitist because you think Michael Jackson was guilty!

Infidel Castrate, you are a greedy redneck because you think the Founding Fathers contributed something positive to humankind!

Shovel 4 U, you are an ethnocentric strict constructionist because you were not at the Million Man March!

Ivan Betinov, you are a price-gouging corporate criminal because you like the Wall Street Journal's editorial page!

Katpain Moskovskaya, you are a gun-toting redneck because you think that America is overtaxed!

Leninka, you are a vacuous capitalist because you put your family first!

Vladimir_Scratchanitch, you are a selfish entrepreneur because you think that nuclear weapons in the hands of Iranian government are more of a threat to the world than American imperialism!

Dig4Utopia, you are a flat-earth believing talk radio devotee because you think Michael Jackson was guilty!

Comrade Buffoon, you are a child-abusing entrepreneur because you don't believe Eminent Domain exists for the People!

Dr. Chicago, you are a union-busting Fox News viewer because you think that Black people can make it without your help!

Proletariat Peabody, you are a mean-spirited Uncle Tom because of your hostility towards violent criminals!

Jíbaro, you are a closed-minded cretin because you oppose judges who legislate from the bench!

Rock Tsar, you are a flag-waving rube because you don't watch alternatives to corporate media!

ThePeoplesComrade, you are a reactionary imperialist because you eat red meat!

Chairman M. S. Punchenko, you are an exploiting Nazi because you like the Wall Street Journal's editorial page!

Superkommissar Maksim, you are an uneducated social Darwinist because you do not support back pay for prisoners serving life sentences!

Marshal Pupovich, you are a right-wing Christian zealot because you voted for George Bush!

Komissar Blogunov, you are a white-trash murderer because you think that it takes a family to raise a child!

Krasnodar, you are a child-abusing troglodyte because you think that making peace with the establishment is a sign of maturity!

INGSOC, you are a fundamentalist bigot because you don't want your taxes to be used to prop up progressive radio and TV programming that cannot survive on a commercial basis!

DDR Kamerad, you are an apartheid-supporting sexist because you believe the bourgeois lies that the ozone hole has shrunk back!

Zampolit Blokhayev, you are a corporate Christian zealot because you want to raise your children to be like you!

R.O.C.K. in the USSA, you are a child-abusing warmonger because you doubt the obvious fact that the World Trade Center was destroyed by the Mossad!

Red Rooster, you are a degenerate caveman because you remained faithful to your significant other!

If we missed you. Speak up! Denouncements for all!

Say what you like, this guy's one smooth talker !

Red Rooster wrote:Shovel 4 U, you are an ethnocentric strict constructionist because you were not at the Million Man March!

I am shocked Commissar Red Rooster, totally shocked! Just look at our average People's Cube Members. Are these the faces of radical Reich Wingers? Huh, huh?

Commisarka Pinkie, you are a genocidal capitalist killer because you don't like paying taxes!

How dare you. HOW DARE YOU!

Denounce ME? Why, you chiseling, cheating chunk of churlish cheap chicken, don't you know that no one has ever denounced me and walked out of here? Crawled out on all fours, maybe, all the while moaning and dripping all manner of bodily fluids from every orifice, but that's the most anyone who dares to denounce me could ever hope for!

What you have accused me of is nothing more than a lying smear perpetrated by Fox News and talk radio and Sarah Palin, and it has even been given the rating of "Pants on Fire" by PolitiFact.com.

I have been accused of running a capitalist, corporate empire which in reality is a collection of organizations and foundations related to the many causes and issues dear to my heart, all established for and dedicated to the sole purpose of raising awareness of how much I care about those causes and issues. Examples include jumpofftheledgeforpeace.com; Caring and Raising Awareness by Pinkie (CRAP), and Beet of the Week Gives Back--an organization which allows Beet of the Week recipients to show their appreciation of the recognition they've received from BOTW by investing in all my other organizations and foundations, thereby raising even more awareness.

All of these organizations and foundations, etc., are non-profit, non-partisan grassroots initiatives, and as such, under current federal law they are TAX DEDUCTIBLE. That's just the way it is until Congress stops holding Americans hostage to special interests and buckle down to the real job they were elected to do--reforming the tax code to increase revenues and allow more investments in government programs.

Believe me, there's nothing I'd like more than to pay taxes on CRAP. But until the government makes it law, I'm stuck having to keep everything I make out of CRAP. You can just imagine how awful that is.

In conclusion, Rooster--since you've practically been begging for this lately . . .

WHACK!!!

Now pick up those feathers and clean up that egg yolk. At least I assume that yellow puddle underneath you is egg yolk.

And if you ever try to denounce me again, I have just two words for you: Extra Crispy!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:

Commisarka Pinkie, you are a genocidal capitalist killer because you don't like paying taxes!

How dare you. HOW DARE YOU!

Denounce ME? Why, you chiseling, cheating chunk of churlish cheap chicken, don't you know that no one has ever denounced me and walked out of here? Crawled out on all fours, maybe, all the while moaning and dripping all manner of bodily fluids from every orifice, but that's the most anyone who dares to denounce me could ever hope for!

What you have accused me of is nothing more than a lying smear perpetrated by Fox News and talk radio and Sarah Palin, and it has even been given the rating of "Pants on Fire" by PolitiFact.com.

I have been accused of running a capitalist, corporate empire which in reality is a collection of organizations and foundations related to the many causes and issues dear to my heart, all established for and dedicated to the sole purpose of raising awareness of how much I care about those causes and issues. Examples include jumpofftheledgeforpeace.com; Caring and Raising Awareness by Pinkie (CRAP), and Beet of the Week Gives Back--an organization which allows Beet of the Week recipients to show their appreciation of the recognition they've received from BOTW by investing in all my other organizations and foundations, thereby raising even more awareness.

All of these organizations and foundations, etc., are non-profit, non-partisan grassroots initiatives, and as such, under current federal law they are TAX DEDUCTIBLE. That's just the way it is until Congress stops holding Americans hostage to special interests and buckle down to the real job they were elected to do--reforming the tax code to increase revenues and allow more investments in government programs.

Believe me, there's nothing I'd like more than to pay taxes on CRAP. But until the government makes it law, I'm stuck having to keep everything I make out of CRAP. You can just imagine how awful that is.

In conclusion, Rooster--since you've practically been begging for this lately . . .

WHACK!!!

Now pick up those feathers and clean up that egg yolk. At least I assume that yellow puddle underneath you is egg yolk.

And if you ever try to denounce me again, I have just two words for you: Extra Crispy!

Ouch, You really laid an egg with that accusation, Comrade Rooster. You of all comrades should have realized the Commisarkas' dedication to the cause, and should have known that her brand of "justice" is swift and painful. Some at the collective might see this as "sucking up" to the commisarka. To that I would say "damn right!" (Have you ever tasted her recipe for extra crispy fried chicken??? Awesome, to say the least)

"Frauline, you are an arrogant brownshirt because you support the Zionist entity!"

ah, dear Comrade Rooster, I am proudly humbled by your recognition (even if it's all wrong, inaccurate, daydreamery).

Here's a pretty little number, just for your personal enjoyment. (btw, SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN SHE APPEARS)

Comrade Red Rooster,

Some one in your collective is way over drawn on their Vodka ration, without mentioning names, or casting comments about the distorted grasp of reality, I would suggest you misspoke yourself.
Before venturing out in public, I would humbly suggest you wear a cup, Kevlar vest, and a very good steel helmet. Keep your head on a swivel.
Remember, everyone in the beet field is armed! Thank you including me on the guest list, has your denouncing been cleared by the Fraulein? If not, you are denounced for side stepping established authority.

Comrade Tooorisky wrote:... has you denouncing been cleared by the Frauline?If not, you are denounced for side stepping established authority.

Most loyal progressive Prog Toorisky, you have nailed the hammer & sickle on Stalin. Although any of our glorious, elitist, Party Member Made Progs can and do pronounce denoucements, it is I, the unpretentious and humbly proud Fraulein, who's dutyit is, to be the official & unofficial Czar of Party Denouncements. But when Red Rooster is storming the barnyard, it is best to give him plenty of leeway, less a comrade be run over and tangled in spurs. (and trust me, those foot prints take time to wear off of one's facial facade).

Comrade Fraulein,

Thank you for your most generous comments. I realize that individual comrades are free to denounce other comrades, a denouncing of this magnitude would have to be approved with the established order, otherwise anarchy and freedom begin their insidious creeping into gulags.

While I am appalled at this outbreak of freedom, I did not call for punishment, or being kicked in the nuggets with steel toed boots, or an axe waved near his head!

I do not want to set him up as an example that would soon be forgotten.

Any such future outbreaks would cause a visit by "information officers" very early in the morning. They drive black cars and like to break things, arms, legs, ribs, or anything else.

Comrade Rooster, Proceed at your own risk!

Yup, this cocks got it all twisted in knots. Takes a real commie pecker to come off so fowl. I can see the chicken brain didn't come up with it on his own, got a damn commie machine to tell him how to ruffle feathers. What can you expect from dinner?

Anybody want a Lone Star with that chicken?

Comrades,

It gets lonely here at The People's Morgue ™ you know. The work here is tedious and sometimes ya just don't feel appreciated, but today.... (sniff)...... I was invited to my first denouncement party!

I remain,
Dr. Chicago

Lone Stage Grip wrote:Yup, this cocks got it all twisted in knots. Takes a real commie pecker to come off so fowl. I can see the chicken brain didn't come up with it on his own, got a damn commie machine to tell him how to ruffle feathers. What can you expect from dinner?

Anybody want a Lone Star with that chicken?

YOU! You're the right wing vermin always nosing around in the dirt who spread all those smears about me! Well, you know what I've heard about armadillos? I've heard they taste just like . . . CHICKEN!

Prepare to become road kill courtesy of my shovel:

WHACK!!!


What the--?


WHACK!!!

WHY CAN'T I FLATTEN THIS DAMNED ARMADILLO WITH MY SHOVEL?
All I can do is crush his beer can.

Red Rooster said:

KOOK, you are a price-gouging elitist because you think Michael Jackson was guilty!

Someone (probably a chick) has given Red Rooster false grounds for pecking on KOOK, which makes Red Rooster the pecker attempting to make KOOK the peckee, but Rooster peckers are for chicks, and KOOK resides in the Thought-Crime Gulag instead of the Henhouse.

And for me, the only good thing about residing in the Thought-Crime Gulag is that it was always a Michael-Jackson-free zone, so I never had an opportunity to form any opinon on whether he was "guilty" or not, but during times when I was forced to listen to Geraldo on Fox News as therapy for my thought-crimes, I heard Geraldo say Jackson was not guilty. Indeed, I often heard him brag about the closeness of his friendship with Jackson. Then I had a brand-new Thought-Crime Attack: Michael Jackson was guilty of palling around with Geraldo, but that meant that Geraldo was guilty of palling around with a guilty person. It seemed circular, so then I was guilty of Circular Thought-Crimes, which are incompatible with the square holes for us at the Cube.



I'm also equally perplexed by the charge of price-gouging. Again, the guards in the Thought-Crime Gulag must have also fed you the damnable lie that I have price gouged. Indeed, I've never gouged a price in my life although I have almost always been gounged by prices. They say that every man has his price, but I've never had one except the one on my head. So I hope I've put this libel to rest.

Finally, I fear that Red Square may have confided to you his suspicion that I'm an elitist, but I ask myself, "Where could he have gotten that idea?"

It couldn't have been that I drive a 1994 Buick (bought before GM became Government Motors-- but don't blame me-- back then there was no "Government Motors," so I was forced to purchase it from a capitalist entity-- no, I forgot, I bought it "used" from a fellow inmate at the Gulag.)

It couldn't have been the lavish meals I served him when he visited my Gulag because we only ate beets and drank cheap vodka.

It couldn't have been my having a smoke-free Gulag because he and I smoked so much in my Gulag that we often couldn't see each other while conversing.

Wait-- I introduced him to my friend, Patrick Henry-- so, perhaps such "name-dropping" is what made him suspect me of being an elitist.


As you know from the Inner Party Registry, he got me into such serious trouble that he and I spent an entire day in the stockade at a nearby training camp designed to test our abilities to resist the bourgeoise tendency to purchase items at a tourist trap.

Yet I can't plead guilty to elitism-- instead, I must continue professing my innocence.


I need to talk to him about these things.



--KOOK

I think the Progressive Truth Generator has been hacked and reprogrammed to slander the good names of the People's Cube membership. It's just the sort of thing the evil Bush/Cheney/Palin cabal of hate criminals would do.

Fraulein Pulloskies,
I followed the spur tracts and they led to some very interesting evidence. As Tsarina of Denouncements I'll leave it in your capable hands.

(Trembling with fear) It's true, all of it, whatever I'm accused of, I confess and throw myself on the mercy of the People's Tribunal. I also offer to bear witness against these scheming co-conspirators. It was all their doing, they forced me to take part, especially Pinkie, she threatened to whack me if I didn't.

Please, may I have my clothing back now, it's cold in here.

Zampolit Blokhayev, you are a corporate Christian zealot because you want to raise your children to be like you!

HAVE YOU LOST YOUR BIRD BRAIN???

Do these heathens look like Christians to you?

Wait a minute . . . I just now put my name through the Progressive Truth Generator™ and THIS is what came up:

Commissarka Pinkie, you are an inhuman prude because you like Paul McCartney more than you like John Lennon!

Well! It just so happens I DO like Paul more than John, and if that makes me an inhuman prude, then better to be an inhuman prude than to feel even a modicum of envy for Yoko.

Methinks, Rooster, that you got a different result because you misspelled my rank with only s instead of two.

But the important thing is the Progressive Truth Generator™ truly works, for I am living testimony to that!

As for the rest of you, you're all denounced!

Your Tsarevna remains daintily un-denounced.

I have to insist that I am undenounced because I am unguilty. Simple as that.. nyah, nyah, nu nyah nyah.

* * *ducking and running* * *

I remember now, I have an alibi. I was with darski and Tsarevna drinking vodka all night. Yes, that's it. That's my new story and I'm sticking with it.

(Love that goose stepping chicken, birds of a feather, eh?)

Katpain Moskovskaya, you are a gun-toting redneck because you think that America is overtaxed

Fck yeah!

Lies! All lies! I denounce Pinkie and the Rooster for running a sham denouncement ring! Denouncements for profit I tell you! They conspired to denounce the Collective, unless they were paid off before hand. None of this is Current Truth, or even half truth! I will have my revenge!

Comrades,

After few days in the infirmary getting my broken beak wired shut and my feathers glued back on, we must make sure no prole is left out, it's only equal! Ahrrrmmmm....

The Tsarevna, you are an ethnocentric elitist because you're just a Right Wing ditto-head zombie!

Darski, you are a flag-waving warmonger because you oppose government regulation of economy!


Ahrrrrmmm... NOW BACK TO PARTY BUSINESS!!!!

"Proletariat Peabody, you are a mean-spirited Uncle Tom because of your hostility towards violent criminals!"


Your point being?


And why is that cur noble spirit Laika not denounced?

Looks like I've been a very good prole......no denouncement for me! Pinkie...keep up the good work. Your selfless & tireless endeavors for CRAP are an inspiration to us all.

Che Gourmet, you are an individualistic elitist because you flush the toilet after each use!

Senor' Rooster,

If you call that statement denouncing, then so be it....what an easy way to get your "denouncement quota" for the year...I salute you for that RR...

I do admit to flushing after each use, but I always get one of the Latrine Proles to empty the bucket! Hmmm.......looks like my next Kooking lesson is going to have to do with marinating Rooster....damn, male fowl are so hard to tenderize......

BTW Why did we conveniently forget the Spacedog?

Comrades,

Is the photo above the "Little House on the Prarie"?

Comrade Tooorisky,

As an Assistant Word Warden for the People's Party, you should be able to read and spell?

Or is your People's PC Spellchecker "out of order"? It's Prairie, not Prarie....you dolt!LOL

By demand of the masses:

Laika the Space Dog, you are an intolerant McCarthyist because you think that Western society has had a positive effect on civilization!

All hail Civility, Respect, and Understanding!

My dearest comrade Fraulein, although you are still a megaBABE, my heart has been stolen by the alliterative talents of Commissarka Pinkie in her masterful takedown of Comrade Rooster. Commissarka Pinkie could even make Sgt. R. Lee Earmey cry like a sissyboy!
By the way, Pinkie, armadillo tastes like pork - the other other white meat.

Lenin 'n' Things , you are a heartless neo-Nazi because you don't support the Iraqi freedom fighters!

Comrade Ogrrre , you are an apartheid-supporting entrepreneur because you were not at the Million Man March!

In the name of Civility, Respect, and Understanding... NOW!!!

Red Square, you are a heartless sexist because you are not a minority!


Oh crap! I did it, I did it, I did it... er uh... what to do now...

Red Rooster wrote: Red Square, you are a heartless sexist because you are not a minority!

Shame really, I kinda liked that Rooster fella.


"Dig4Utopia, you are a flat-earth believing talk radio devotee because you think Michael Jackson was guilty!"


Really - you expect the Inner Circle to believe this from a man who made sure our devoted Komrade was shovel ready? LOL ....

Comrade Rooster,

You are most fortunate that Communism only promises "Democracy" in the initial stages as a means to get popular support, then later renigs on that promise ... as I did during my Cuban Revolution ™

So with that, you are most likely spared the rath of the collective. As they say "Democracy is Col Sanders, Chick-Fil-a, and Red Rooster voting over who what is for lunch".

However, I did find a flaw in the generator coding, seems if you use version 3.01 of the Firefox browser, and you hold the shift key down on the 247th submission of your name, you get different results, evidence of my screen capture (try it, it works).


On the lighter side, at least if we were a true democracy hopefully you won't achieve the same fame as "Mike"

Comrade Che,

I wanted to do something worth being denounced for, as I thought the remarks from Comrade [Bird Brain] Red Rooster were unrealistic, unreliable, and chicken feed.

Comrade Laika was not denounced because we did not have the Space!

Harumpthppppth!!! I didn't get a Denouncement from that guy.......

Groucho Marxist, you are a genocidal Uncle Tom because you haven't hugged a jihadist today!


Do it now.

I can vouch for comrade Whoopie, he brought the vodka.

Red Rooster wrote:Comrades, it's party denouncement time! We entered you all into the party Progressive Truth Generator™ -- you are denounced!

ThePeoplesComrade, you are a reactionary imperialist because you eat red meat!

I do appreciate the attention but I am merely a backslidden vegetarian and not a true carnivore.

Hmmm. A Progressive Truth Generator™. Very interesting idea. You know, Pinkie, and this is in camera, that if it's true, it's not prog, don't you? I mean, sometimes I can't tell the dancer from the dance.

You have hit on the ultimate oxymoron: the Progressive Truth Generator™. How about this for a subtitle: "Everything we say is a lie."

And it is. Even the "and"s and the "the"s.

Rooster, I think that OJ was guilty, not for murder. What's a little murder between friends? It's not like actually saying something nice about General McChrystal and then having Nir
Rosen wonder if you were actually gang-raped in Cairo. But all is not lost: the Atlantic merely suggests that he should reconsider tweeting, and not that he was in the wrong for doubting that the woman had been assaulted.

So murder? Eh. So what?

But I think he's guilty because he lost his ghetto. What would we do if everyone refused to stay where Stalin put him? To borrow from Warren Ballentine about Juan Williams: "You can go back to the porch, Juan. You can go back. It's OK."

But Williams is okay really; he's the most liberal regular panelist on Faux Noise.

ThePeoplesComrade wrote:

Red Rooster wrote:Comrades, it's party denouncement time! We entered you all into the party Progressive Truth Generator™ -- you are denounced!

ThePeoplesComrade, you are a reactionary imperialist because you eat red meat!

Hm.... wasn't eating RED meat an exonerating circumstance?