2/22/2011, 8:45 pm
Rental mobs have swarmed in the thousands upon the private homes of union bosses. The ugly and violent protests followed upon news that union budgets were strained, and that union bosses could no longer afford free lunches and bus transportation to all protest events. Rumors of other cuts have sparked outrage in the streets bringing surging mobs armed with pitchforks into exclusive subdivisions.
Union bosses called in the heavy guns today to lecture activists and urge restraint. “Talking to you people is like talking to the kitchen table!” shouted Barney Frank to a group of union protesters in Madison, Wisconsin. “Things have changed; get over it!” Similar words were spoken by the president to a large gathering in Indianapolis. “You're behaving stupidly! It's time to show restraint, have a beer, and get along,” reverberated the president's voice in a crowded gymnasium packed with protesters.
In the meantime, two union bosses had their mansions torched while three others have fled the country with their families for fear of their lives. “It was an economic reality,” said an anonymous SEIU leader from an undisclosed location in the Caribbean. “There was so much union activity going on what with protests in three states, and we just couldn't afford to pay our activists what we usually paid them. We offered some modest cuts, you know, just to tide us over, and then all hell broke loose.”
“I can't believe this!” shouted an angry protester, her fingernails digging into her posterboard sign. “I show up at the bus, and I say, ‘Hey, like where's my glossy placard and t-shirt?' see, because I love to collect the t-shirts, and this big guy says, ‘You gotta pay for it.' And I say, ‘Since when did we have to pay for our placards? You think I got time to make my own sign?' And he says, ‘Look, lady, you wanna placard or a t-shirt, you gotta pay for it. I ain't got all day. Next!' I've never been marginalized like this. I couldn't believe my ears. Look at this sorry sign I had to make on my own! Know what? I had to go to Wal-Mart and buy my own sharpie. I bet half the words are misspelled ‘cause I sure ain't buyin' my own dictionary. Are they gonna reimburse me? No! What's next? They're gonna tell me to get a job?”
Another union boss, again speaking on condition of anonymity from his ICU, spoke through wired teeth, “All I said was, ‘Look here, you got all this energy when you show up at a state capital, why don't you think of the greatness of the cause and protest for a little less? You know, save us some money when things are a little tight.' That's when they threw me over the balcony.”
In the meantime, eleven protesters have shown up in the capitol building in Madison, fourteen in Columbus, and six in Indianapolis. One protester seemed to sum up the mood in all three capitals: “Where is everybody? I actually know all these guys.”
Union bosses called in the heavy guns today to lecture activists and urge restraint. “Talking to you people is like talking to the kitchen table!” shouted Barney Frank to a group of union protesters in Madison, Wisconsin. “Things have changed; get over it!” Similar words were spoken by the president to a large gathering in Indianapolis. “You're behaving stupidly! It's time to show restraint, have a beer, and get along,” reverberated the president's voice in a crowded gymnasium packed with protesters.
In the meantime, two union bosses had their mansions torched while three others have fled the country with their families for fear of their lives. “It was an economic reality,” said an anonymous SEIU leader from an undisclosed location in the Caribbean. “There was so much union activity going on what with protests in three states, and we just couldn't afford to pay our activists what we usually paid them. We offered some modest cuts, you know, just to tide us over, and then all hell broke loose.”
“I can't believe this!” shouted an angry protester, her fingernails digging into her posterboard sign. “I show up at the bus, and I say, ‘Hey, like where's my glossy placard and t-shirt?' see, because I love to collect the t-shirts, and this big guy says, ‘You gotta pay for it.' And I say, ‘Since when did we have to pay for our placards? You think I got time to make my own sign?' And he says, ‘Look, lady, you wanna placard or a t-shirt, you gotta pay for it. I ain't got all day. Next!' I've never been marginalized like this. I couldn't believe my ears. Look at this sorry sign I had to make on my own! Know what? I had to go to Wal-Mart and buy my own sharpie. I bet half the words are misspelled ‘cause I sure ain't buyin' my own dictionary. Are they gonna reimburse me? No! What's next? They're gonna tell me to get a job?”
Another union boss, again speaking on condition of anonymity from his ICU, spoke through wired teeth, “All I said was, ‘Look here, you got all this energy when you show up at a state capital, why don't you think of the greatness of the cause and protest for a little less? You know, save us some money when things are a little tight.' That's when they threw me over the balcony.”
In the meantime, eleven protesters have shown up in the capitol building in Madison, fourteen in Columbus, and six in Indianapolis. One protester seemed to sum up the mood in all three capitals: “Where is everybody? I actually know all these guys.”
