The People's Cube - Political Satire

**3/28/2011, 4:48 am**

COMRADES!!!!!! A SHOW TRIAL has been ordered to try the "Up to No Gouda Three" with crimes committed against the state that demand that People's Justice be Served!

The link has all the cheesy details as to how we have come to this point.

The Inner Party has decided that in order to boost ratings with a little eyecandy that our own Beloved Colonel Fraulein Pulloskies will be presiding as Judge. The Party has also deemed fit to task me as Lead Prosecutor and Comrade Whoopie as Chief Defense Evidence Examiner to ensure the bribes they offer are not cheap knock-offs the validity of all defense evidence submitted. The Party has also assigned Defense Counsel to these three, Comrade Reiuxcat as lead and Comrade Chedoh as co-counsel to ensure the Defendants will have expert legal counsel and advice during the trial, after all we are all Progressives and wish to make things fair and 'for the children'. The three are charged with Govt Cheese Hoarding, Mice abuse, Tearing "Do not Remove Labels" from pillows, Opening a Cheese Stand for Profit, and in the case of Groucho and Scratchy, Bad Beard Grooming.

Do the Defendants wish to address the court before we proceed?

**3/28/2011, 5:59 am**

I denounce Groucho Marxist for using sign language emulating the hated Churchill's sign for victory. Everyone knows the proper Marxist sign for victory is the fist-- the same as that used by our union bretheren in Wisconsin (who, of course, don't know that we, the vanguard of the progressive revolution, view unions as useful-idiot organizations whose power we must extinguish as soon as we finish our destruction of capitalism, which the Eminent Red Square made clear in his latest book, "Shakedown Socialism").

I denounce Comrade Toorisky for being too risky. I realise this is such a facile denouncement, but I must use all tactics at my disposal when attempting to contrive a denouncement. I think he is in dire need of a facelife to give him a more progressive appearance. Think of the lovely Auntie Semitic.

I must also denounce Scratchasnith just because he just looks like he needs denouncing. His entire countenance screams, "Please denounce me." He looks like a cross between Charles Manson and our heroic comrade, Fidel. Thus, he may recklessly (though subliminally) cause the critically important "independent" voters to associate our hero, Fidel, with Charles Manson. On the other hand, expressing admiration for the works of Manson's minions doesn't seemed to have impeded Bernadine Dhorn's rise to the top in the circles of most-admired progressive leaders. Perhaps he should keep his unkempt appearance. Maybe some independents will think he's Einstein with his facial expression frozen at the moment he said (about Bob Barker) in his first-consonant-in-pronouns-dropping English, "e equals emcee squared."

I need to also warn each of these three defendants as well as their counsel of the futility of a successful defense of these denouncements and charges: Even after a glorious victory over such charges, it seems that the number, frequency and severity of denouncements and charges thereafter tend to increase exponentially. But, the good thing about that is, of course, that it provides more work for our most loyal constituency: Trial lawyers.

--KOOK

**3/28/2011, 6:20 am**

With Liberty and Justice for AllThe Children of the People of the Party!

I was sympahtetic to the plight of defendants trying to feed children until reading of premeditateds and racialist crime of tearing of labels from pillows. Such acts must have punishing.

Politbureau must write sternly worded letter and express feelings. <spit>

**3/28/2011, 9:22 am**

As a defendant, I will admit Comrade Graucho was a little confused for this sitting, he was only supposed to hold up one finger!

**3/28/2011, 10:03 am**

WHERE IS THE MEMO. I WOULD HAVE SKIPPED LAST NIGHT CELEBRATORY IF I HAD KNOW I WAS TO BE PERSECUTING.... SITTING AS DEEMED, RENOUNCED JUDGE THIS DAY . . . but I digress . . . .

I am here now and always awake and sober. And I see it is about time to break for breakfast before lunch break arrives. So where are all the guilty?? We need to get this moving along before I find out task to occupy my time!

I should just pronounce all guilt and send them to the gulag but since I received a 'donation' to my favorit charity just this morning from a prole who wishes to remain anonymous, I shall keep Groucho's name to myself. PROCEED.

**3/28/2011, 11:51 am**

Dear Judge Fraulein Pulloskies,

.
I have no doubt that you will convict these three after a fair trial, but I do think you should at least try to keep your wig from being cockeyed. Who wants cockeyed justice?

Furthermore, I notice you're wearing one of those old-stlyle robes designed a long time ago when only menfolk were allowed to be judges -- the times to which the tea-partiers refer as the "good old days." I just thought I'd offer to lend you one of my robes if you're so inclined. That way, when counsel approach the bench, you won't draw the wrong conclusion about why they're not looking you in the eye as they speak.

On the other hand, if you want to be sure they're looking you in the eyes as they speak, there are measures you can take. .

... Just saying.

--Kagan Gourmet

**3/28/2011, 12:00 pm**

I have shocking evidence! Although I don't know whom I will be offering it to. It could support the prosecution or the defense depending on which timeline I pull it from.

**3/28/2011, 1:59 pm**

As you say, Comrade Tovarichi, the crime of tearing of labels from pillows and bedding mattresses (if one is so well endowed to have one) is a FEDERAL CRIME.

Kagan Gourmet, my glorious, blackened robe, was willed to me by my dearly beloved, deceased Mr. Pulloskies and I will wear it with humble pride as he did, while persecuting . (*%$#!)...... prosecuting the guilty soon to be found guilty, after their fair trial (unless they can prove they are part of the New Black Pampers Panthers and then ALL charges will be dismissed).
My wiggery NO COCKED EYES.

Colone 7.62. as always you are so clearly clear!

**3/28/2011, 2:13 pm**

I denounce all this Show Time Trial. I had not time to get my popcorn beetcorn!

**3/28/2011, 4:21 pm**

Hoarding cheese!? Abusing the mice they probably stole it from and then profiting from said stolen cheese!!? Them's hangin' offenses!

As for the pillow thing, I've always had a beef with those pesky pillow tags myself... I'd never rip one off though... after all, it clearly say's not to...

I must sip of the beet vodka Comrade Rooster smuggled to my house via UPS and ponder these crimes...

**3/28/2011, 4:51 pm**

Comrade Colonel's system,

If you are not guilty, you would not have been charged, the fact you are in this courtroom proves guilt beyond even a penumbra of guilt!

Against this evidence, there is no defense, guilty as charged, NEXT!

**3/28/2011, 4:54 pm**

This update and accurate information was just received by my fax. Most clearly, TOOORISKY IS GUILTY. And I must remind Comrade Tooorisky, that the most loyal Colonel is not ON trial!

**3/28/2011, 5:18 pm**

Colonel Fraulein,

Of course you are not on trial, I was really trying to explain your expedited system of justice. You even make Joseph Stalin look inefficient!

The comment is a tribute to your justical efficiency, devotion to duty,
and Stakhanovite productivity!

**3/28/2011, 5:29 pm**

Comrade Tooorisky wrote:Colonel Fraulein,.....

The comment is a tribute to your justical efficiency, devotion to duty,
and Stakhanovite productivity!

Trying to butter up the Frau never works!! (unless you decide to make monitory a donation to my personal charity, in which case you can send me a check, cash or money order. Then I will be forced to consider your personal charitioral involvement as 'mitigating circumstances'). But I do take special note that you mention my special judicial efficiency (which is well worth noting, is it not?!) Heil Stalin!

And I thought you were directing your rhetorical comments to THE Colonel 7.62 and not myself. I am the Frau, with a special circumstance Colonel Titleage. Your mistake is forgiven and no funds or beet reduction will be required.

p.s. and I might add, you peoples better get your Defense Attorney's in attendance before I pronounce you all guilty.

**3/28/2011, 5:38 pm**

Colonel Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:As you say, Comrade Tovarichi, the crime of tearing of labels from pillows and bedding mattresses (if one is so well endowed to have one) is a FEDERAL CRIME.

Frauline, Were you once nurse at reception station for medical exam of compulsory entry to armed forces?

Reference to "well endowed" makes for pride,

(and professional respect for knowlege of patients...) but concern for knowlege of connections to acquire mattress of sleeping and pillow.

**3/28/2011, 7:27 pm**

Well folks, I alerted the peoples anarchist revolution via the Media Matters HAM radio talk thingy and after only five beers I received a fax titled URGENT!

There is nothing that promotes leftism in this graphic (other than that pre-Brady Bunch couch). I submit evidence of Scratchanitch's past mouse abuse!

**3/28/2011, 7:45 pm**

I Denounce All Three Of These Criminals Against Peace And Justice!

(And If (If - Well, of course I mean When) these bourgeois rats mice are found guilty, is it not within the power of the Peoples Court to order that I My Office take possession of their Home Theater systems televisions video propaganda information devices for the Good Of My Peoples Living Collective?)

**3/28/2011, 7:59 pm**

I guess the only 5th being taken here is by our attorney and that's with our former vodka rations. This should be an entertaining show trial.

**3/28/2011, 9:10 pm**

WHERE are the defense lawyers for these three gulity bastards? Plotting with the prosecutor? Of course, to be fair, in our Progressive emulation of show-trials perfected by our dearly departed leaders Stalin and Mao, it is the job of defense counsel to plot with the prosecutor the conduct of a show trial culminating with the guilty defendants confessing guilt and then snivelling for mercy, but really, when are they going to get started?

Does that mean that it may fall upon my narrow shoulders the task of defending these patently guilty defendants? Should KOOK-- the Outer Party misfit inside the Inner Party-- undertake this task? What of the fact that I've already pronounced them guilty? Well, that just means that my winning acquittals of all of them will merely add to my legendary skills as a lawyer. Not a bad idea-- Procure acquittals of obviously guilty defendants. Sounds very progressive to me. Just think of Hinkley being acquitted of his attempt to assassinate RayGun ("Reagan" for those outside Berkley). These three defendants seem just as crazy to me as did Hinkley, who I understand now is "living large" (according to the hated Fox News).

I shall politely wait a respectable time for the duly appointed defense counsel to appear. However, my patience is not infinite.

Part of my strategy would be, of course, to make sure that I, and each of the defendants always look only and directly into the wise eyes of Judge Pulloskies and not allow our focus to ever be elsewhere. I have no doubt that such tactic would immeasurably contribute to the chances of acquittal. (Now if Kagan were the judge, I have no doubt that it would benefit the clients for them to make sure she sees them looking where she invites their attention.)

I shall be watching.

--KOOK

**3/28/2011, 9:27 pm**

I denounce ham radio transmissions. *turns off radio, hides antenna* Or do I? *hides amplifier* Anyway, I have a large collection of mattress tags from several different dimensions torn off by several different people. Who wishes only the tags from the guilty err defendants, and who wishes the ones from the Fraulein?

**3/28/2011, 9:36 pm**

I too am wondering where the defense attorneys (Reiuxcat and Chedoh) are. As bailiff I'm standing by to examine any bribes and other exculpatory evidence they may have to offer. Frankly I'm getting a bit peckish and was hoping to sample some of these cheeses for freshness.

**3/28/2011, 9:42 pm**

Dearest of dear Comrades,

I have only now discovered this show trial.

I have not only been accused, but already found guilty. Before even knowing I was accused.

Having been falsely accused in previous show trials in unconstitutional courts of no due process, I am no stranger to this process.

First- By WHAT AUTHORITY and under WHAT JURISDICTION am I accused?

Which Constitution is this kort proposing to operate under?

Huge portions of Kort Rules apparently have been suspended, including Service of Summons.

I know how to defend myself in this sort of kort. I have had to for 40 years, because I live in-

**3/28/2011, 9:44 pm**

Comrade Bailiff Whoopie.

If you will look in the wormhole that just opened under your chair, you'll find it connects to the defense attorney's office. Specifically where the cheese is stored. Would you like some crackers?

**3/28/2011, 10:09 pm**

Comrades, I offer services as expert witness for flimsy defense or States prosecution. My memory of happenings gets better with more money and vodka. A couple of beets and a potato, I'll swear you were somewhere else. Enough money for new shovel, I'll find passport stamp for country you'd like to have been in. Flip side--> enough money, beets AND vodka, and I'll swear I saw accused with Wisconsin Cheese crumbs in thier beards at the scene...

If needed, I'll be in the line at bakery, the state released spring flour ration on Sunday...

**3/28/2011, 10:23 pm**

Comrade Tovarichi,

Thank you for your kind offer although I am completely certain there will be no lack of character witnesses in this fiasco trial.

Also be advised that befriending one of us or offering to testify on our behalf could accidently cause you to be the benefactor of some rogue gunfire when our current sentences are revealed announced determined.

**3/28/2011, 11:21 pm**

Comrade People's Judge Colonel Fraulein Pulloskies,
If I may approach the bench your most highest Honor?
Thank you.
Ahem... Your Honoress,
You are looking exceptionally lovely Fraulein. Now, if I may, I would like to personally vouch for all three of the defendants. I've been watching them for some time and they seem like good Comrades all. I'm sure this is just a minor...beep...beep...sorry your Honor, I have a priority transmission on my Red Sat. Phone...please hold on...

From: Tatiana
Grigori,
Have found new evidence. Here's the screen shot of their web page:

Sorry about that your Honor. I'll...er...ah...return to my seat in the back of the gallery.

**3/28/2011, 11:27 pm**

Comrade Whoopie wrote:I too am wondering where the defense attorneys (Reiuxcat and Chedoh) are. As bailiff I'm standing by to examine any bribes and other exculpatory evidence they may have to offer. Frankly I'm getting a bit peckish and was hoping to sample some of these cheeses for freshness.

.

I think perhaps Reiuxcat and Chedoh are still in a state of rapture after listening to my speech tonight on the subject of Libya. Or perhaps they're busy trying to sabotage right-wing efforts to sabotage my effort in my speech tonight to mock, belittle and ridicule Bush 43's foolish toppling of Saddam rather than creditiing Operation Iraqi Freedom for Qadhaffi having given up his nuclear program after he saw U.S. troops pull Saddam from his spider hole. Just a buch of clap-trap from the right wing. Please forgive my unwarranted link. My anger at such right-wing sabotage of my effort to sabotage Bush 43 has warped my sense of internet etiquette.

I'm confident our friends in the media will keep amnesia-suffering Americans blissfully ignorant of what the world would be like today with Saddam still in power (and with nukes) and with Qadhaffi also having, or being very close to having, nukes.

--Fearless Leader

**3/28/2011, 11:41 pm**

Since an interim lawyer may be better than no lawyer until the real defense lawyers show up, I offer argument on behalf of these defendants:

First, just a glance at Comrade Scratchasnitch makes it self-evident without the need of any expert psychiatric evidence that he is utterly insane. Just have him spend some time in the Gulag with me benefitting from the psychiatric counseling I regularly receive. I'll even lend him my straight-jacket. I think his appearance alone provides an air-tight insanity defense.

Second, I think Toorisky is equally entitled to the insanity defense as a matter of law for the same reasons I've already stated for Scratchasnitch. Likewise, I would recommend the same remedial treatment for him as recommended above for Scratchasnitch.

But Groucho Marxist is another matter. He is obviously NOT insane. I'll need more time to contrive a defense for him. Be back later.

--KOOK

**3/28/2011, 11:50 pm**

charges, charges....

WTF?

Govt Cheese Hoarding, Mice abuse, Tearing "Do not Remove Labels" from pillows, Opening a Cheese Stand for Profit, and in the case of Groucho and Scratchy, Bad Beard Grooming.

I thought they ran up their OPM govt credit card!

BRB

**3/29/2011, 12:00 am**

Do I have to read all this evidence against my clients?

Comrade Commadore Snoogie, can we skip the formalities and proceed directly to the sentencing. I have a couple of passes to Pup's Pleasure Palace I can share with you.

**3/29/2011, 12:07 am**

I also must state that I'm shocked, yes shocked there is cheese hoarding going on at the Peoples Cube.

Oh thank you.

**3/29/2011, 12:11 am**

Anytime a loose comradista wants to step foward and take the blame is fine with me.

Thank you for the use of your razor Reiuxcat. I almost missed it in the cake you sent from your law firm.

**3/29/2011, 12:18 am**

Thank you for cleaning up "criminal against the state".

I hear it's most painful when the hemp rope gets caught in one's beard.

**3/29/2011, 12:23 am**

Well, Fraulein was complaining of carpet burns too.

**3/29/2011, 12:26 am**

Comrade Buffoon, it seems that the photograph you introduced into evidence tends to exhonorate comrade Scratchanitch. Observe, the Tokarov is held in the comrade's LEFT hand, as is proper. It appears that the mouse has attacked the comrade's Cuban Cigar held in his right hand. The photograph appears to show a proper execution of a reactionary anti-revolutionary rodent. HOWEVER, comrade Scratchanitch has committed the capital offense of wearing a UT sweatshirt. Any prog worth his salt would be wearing sweatshirt from Oklahoma, after all, their colors are red and white (well, crimson and cream, which is good enough for government and SEIU work).

**3/29/2011, 12:27 am**

Bah! I still have some prowling to do this evening and a long day of napping ahead of me. I shall return later.

And someone let me know when the poker game is tonight, I just happen to have received some spare cash to play with.

**3/29/2011, 12:29 am**

Groucho Marxist wrote:Well, Fraulein was complaining of carpet burns too.

That reminds me, I need to get my sandpaper tongue smoothed again.

**3/29/2011, 4:32 am**

Judge Frau,
My you are looking lovely as usual! My, My who does your hair, no wait just let bask in your beauty for just a moment. Ah, oh where was I? Oh, yeah, opening statement. Judge Frau I need a little ruling from you before I use my opening statement. Seems some evidence has just been submitted by that Catty Defense Lawyer of theirs that may or may not be admissible in open court. I'd like to discuss and examine this new evidence in private in your chambers, and get your ruling on it. Just the two of us for say about an hour or so? Psssst....Put on the Barry Manilow record my little Germanic Schnitzelface. [center]

[/center]

**3/29/2011, 6:18 am**

Comrade Woogums, I would be pleased to meet with you to discuss the case, as per our Cube rules of open disclosure and closed sessions.

Please disregard any wandering, peeping eyes you might run across... they will bepermanently removed before our session begins.

I AWAIT YOUR ARRIVING....

**3/29/2011, 8:06 am**

It's good to know that in our glorious system that justice is still either blind or soon will be.

**3/29/2011, 9:25 am**

There shall be no blindness this time. The illegal mooning... moon shine whiskey has been banned!

**3/29/2011, 11:46 am**

I was always told in collective pre school that it wasn't moonshine that caused blindness. But enough of that, after I shave this hair off my palms, I'm get me some mouse jerky and government cheese.

**3/29/2011, 12:12 pm**

Comrade Reiuxcat, I am unclear. Are you saying your clients are guilty or not proven innocent? We need to keep this thing moving along . . . things to do . . . people to see . . . vodka is getting hot.

Not just moonshine, dear Colonel 7.62 but . . . . . . umm, but I digress. 'Get those palms shaved and get involved', as Michael Moore always says.

**3/29/2011, 12:40 pm**

Comrades,
I am confused by the term "show trial". Whom has to show what? Is it like a peep show? Are there not venues available other than a court room?
Is it similar to all show you mine, if you show me yours? Were names drawn out of the hat or was it a random computer survey?
I have never been formally served, please serve me another vodka.

**3/29/2011, 1:36 pm**

Your Honorable Comrade Colonel Frau, of course we know the defendants are guilty, but we must put forth an effort to "show" how fair we are with the accused before sentenceing and execution.

**3/29/2011, 1:40 pm**

Tooorisky, (wow, I get it now, 2 risky) Making fun of snoogie again? Cause that what he sounds like after an hour of pounding Saki. "two riskies please". But I digress.

Tooorisky, I have tried to work with you before. If you don't know what a show trial is, review the Scooter Libbey transcripts. (While there is the slightest remote chance, and not because of anything I intend to do on your behalf, you could not be involved, you'll be asked so many questions over and over we know we'll catch you in a perjury.)

**3/29/2011, 2:48 pm**

Reiuxcat wrote:Your Honorable Comrade Colonel Frau, of course we know the defendants are guilty, but we must put forth an effort to "show" how fair we are with the accused before sentencing and execution.

.... as it should be. But I am growing weary of their complaining and the factuals that I am not receiving donations in ample amounts! This is leading to progressively serious periods of headaches, indigestion and gas. (I want to find these 3 guilty and head on to their execution... punishment!!)

**3/29/2011, 2:53 pm**

iwould habe somethinh toadd but i"M laughing too harf.

(drinkimg too mych too)

**3/29/2011, 3:46 pm**

plzz... prapreez, komhad Whoopie, conjoin...... come join meeh for a wee drnik.

**3/29/2011, 4:01 pm**

Mos grsious of yuo Frau Jugds. I"ll ve ober ass soom as I finh my car kys. Oops...ok I fond the floor, thos keyz mus be her somwere.

**3/29/2011, 4:31 pm**

ah, my msot loayl Comraid Whoooops, your keeeeys are usuuually on crop.. tops of ur ax. Hvae you cked?

I'mmm wearing ... weary of judging... we neeeed a beeerdict. N'all yo peoeles neeeed to stoppp digressings!!

**3/29/2011, 4:49 pm**

Comrades,

Do we have "court appointed lawyers", or volunteer Lawers?

Both groups speak with a forked tongue, one is paid, one is not.

The decision has already been made, why stand on formalities?

If you want me bad enough, you can get to me. The only question is how many of you I will take out in the process.This is not a threat, but a fact, Father Prog and I had a lively discussion on this same topic some time ago! I do not want to see anyone else hurt over this, except outsiders who volunteer to be on the arrest team. The good times roll when you enter the "fun zone".

**3/29/2011, 6:55 pm**

A show trial with drinking...and no one invited me? Judge FP, I'm disappointed.

Can we drink at the executions?

**3/29/2011, 8:59 pm**

Grigori E.R. wrote:Comrade People's Judge Colonel Fraulein Pulloskies,
If I may approach the bench your most highest Honor?
Thank you.
Ahem... Your Honoress,
You are looking exceptionally lovely Fraulein. Now, if I may, I would like to personally vouch for all three of the defendants. I've been watching them for some time and they seem like good Comrades all. I'm sure this is just a minor...beep...beep...sorry your Honor, I have a priority transmission on my Red Sat. Phone...please hold on...

I denounce Comrade Grigori for sucking up to the Judge while making no sense! AT ALL!

**3/29/2011, 9:29 pm**

Comrade Tooorisky wrote:Comrades,

Do we have "court appointed lawyers", or volunteer Lawers?

Both groups speak with a forked tongue, one is paid, one is not.

The decision has already been made, why stand on formalities?

If you want me bad enough, you can get to me. The only question is how many of you I will take out in the process.This is not a threat, but a fact, Father Prog and I had a lively discussion on this same topic some time ago! I do not want to see anyone else hurt over this, except outsiders who volunteer to be on the arrest team. The good times roll when you enter the "fun zone".

Guilty as charged, Criminal Tooorisky, I was appointed to volunteer to assist the "Up to no Gouda Three" as the counselor. Whilst I would have preferred to have been unavailable for such a distasteful assignment when spring break is upon us and I'm missing the new dancing girl at Pup's Palace,

(for you, my dear leader Red Square)

...my duty and loyalty to the party is above all other priorities of mine. (Unless of course, something small moves across my perifial vision. then I must pounce!)

If only one is paid, then I'm afraid you have fallen short or are unsure how many must be paid. And as far as your other comment, formalities have nothing to do with it. Did the US Justice Department flinch when it came to prosecuting the New Black Panther party in Philly? Um, hold on there... Oh yes, here we go, did the DOJ flinch when it came time to haul the executive branch to court for violating court orders against our wonderful new health care system? (What's that Whoopie? They did flinch?) Well, never let the facts get in the way of justice! Especially since justice sounds so much like JUST-ASS.

As far as coming to "get you". We do "get you" and the time is now for showing contriteness with some flair

(yes, the honorable judge is a cat lady, hint hint)

You may find the consequences of your recent decision distasteful. You should reconsider.

As your counselor, this is my counsel.

**3/29/2011, 10:01 pm**

"I denounce Comrade Grigori for sucking up to the Judge while making no sense! AT ALL!"

Comrade Buffoon, Oh ye of the sly boot. You know exactly what I was doing. I was merely following the new rules of kinetic engagement*. I was trying to help the Gouda Three and at the same time presenting my mouse jerky evidence to hang them. It's a total win-win for me either way.

*Dear Leader Obama's methods are often beyond the comprehension of mere mortals.

Are we ready to party yet?

**3/29/2011, 10:38 pm**

My my Judge Fraulein Pulloskies, you certainly are looking fetching today.

Have I ever shared this with you?

Linky

**3/29/2011, 11:15 pm**

Comrade Groucho Marxist,

Now that your court-appointed counsel are hard at work on your behalf (it's hard to make myself say that but it's my duty to the Collective) and I have been relegated to sitting in the front row of the portion of the courtroom reserved for the lynch mob v.i.p. observers, I must lean forward past your counsel and whisper into your ear what no one else will hear (or see-- so the link immediately below is for your eyes only):

Mystery item No. 1

--KOOK

**3/29/2011, 11:26 pm**

Hey, come on, we came here for a show trial! Let's get the SHOW on the ROAD, peoples!!! We all know that the criminals all signed written confession of their counterrevolutionary, cheese hoarding ways. We want to hear those confessions read by the sneaky little stilton stacking, cheddar chest-ing, havarti hiding scoundrels....where did they find havarti in the Peoples' Republic anyway? Come on, the popcorn is getting stale.

**3/29/2011, 11:32 pm**

Groucho Marxist,

One more thing I forgot to add to my whisper. If you are truly Groucho Marxist, you already know "the secret word," which word I will-- in the inimitable style of our Fearless VP Joe Biden-- now whisper into your ear:

Mystery item No. 1

--KOOK

**3/29/2011, 11:35 pm**

Comrade Kook,

Thank you for your support and advice. However the second word I was unable to hear. See, I have this "Trick Ear" just like Jimmy Stewart in that great classic film, "It's a Wonderful Gulag". Can you slip me a note?

**3/30/2011, 2:54 am**

I think the prosecutor must have sabotaged my whispered comment, so I'm repeating it: One more thing I forgot to add to my whisper. If you are truly Groucho Marxist, you already know "the secret word," which word I will-- in the inimitable style of our Fearless VP Joe Biden-- now whisper into your ear:
.

Mystery item No. 1

.

Now I need to draw attention to an ethical violation by one of your defense counsel:
.

.

--KOOK

**3/30/2011, 3:11 am**

Comrades, I am now in possession of TOP SECRET communications with one of our highly esteemed comrades.

Should things go badly for Scratchanitch in these proceedings, I am prepared to expose ALL to the world.

The accusing comrades and their colluders are hereby warned to abandon their false allegations against Scratchanitch-- OR ELSE I will publicly expose the dirty details and name names.

No comrade, either guilty or innocent will be spared.

Therefore, I introduce the vehicle by which these secrets will be published-

THE PEOPLE'S WIKI-

**3/30/2011, 5:44 am**

ASPIRIN, I NEED ASPIRIN!!!!!

Good Stalin, what was in that wine that the Frau and I shared, and what are these feathers doing in places on my body that mother nature had deemed no feathers should ever go there? Though I must confess I seem to remember something about Barry Manilow and the hottest spot north of Havana having something to do with it.

Just a moment while I slug a few aspirins down and clear my head. Ahh, better,......oops I seem to have confessed a little about seeing Judge Frau on a little legal matter in her chambers, which speaking of confessions........................................

WHERE ARE THEY? Sheesh, you would think these three could at least blame Bush as the cause for straying away from the party line and starting a cheese biz? I mean after all they where smart enough to almost get away with it until the mice (literally) ratted em out, and they can't figure away to pin it on Faux news instead in their confessions to the court?

Oh and if your confessions are as good as some think you are capable of giving, ones that will bring a tear to the courts eyes, I will "take another for the team" and have another private chambers session with Judge Frau and maybe your sentencing won't involve making sure your organ donation cards are current.

**3/30/2011, 6:17 am**

I denounce Comrade Scratchabutt for

always shouting in his posts.

It makes my head hurt.

**3/30/2011, 7:20 am**

INCOMING HIGH LEVEL POLITBURO COMMUNIQUE:

TO THE LEGAL TEAM IN THE "UP TO NO GOUDA" SHOW TRIAL:

EXECUTIONS ARE NOW TO BE REFERRED TO AS:

"KINETIC CHROMOSOME DISPLACEMENTS"

**3/30/2011, 7:57 am**

(o m g, I have a headache and where did all the cat hair come from??!!)

Reiuxcat, my my what lovely kitty plates those are. I would be so honored to obtain some of just that quality, if perchance, you have an extra. (ship them to the same address as you did the vodka).

Upon considering of our profound duties of justice and fair equality (and my preponderance to headaches, which might have something to do with the cheap wine. Who sent me cheap wine?!) I think we should . . . .. . . um, what was I were we talking about? Well, whatever.

And please, STOP ALL THE SHOUTING.

**3/30/2011, 8:23 am**

All this evidence is most intriguing and convincing but the Defense Attorney, such as he is, has done a banging up job of providing his guilty clients with the best defense available in the Cube. Why, I have never seen such bribery unmitigated gall and back-door, sneaky tactics used in all my days. I am very impressed.

And in due consideration of my esteemed time and the colossal, overabundance of evidence provided, I must find these 3 not guilty. There is nothing as 'not guilty' as comrades willing to risk all to further progress, lack of values. These are the sorts of crook, ne'er do wells and Progressive scandals that we need in the Cube.

**3/30/2011, 8:54 am**

Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote:Should things go badly for Scratchanitch in these proceedings, I am prepared to expose ALL to the world.

Weren't you were arrested for that once before?

**3/30/2011, 9:05 am**

Groucho Marxist wrote:
Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote:Should things go badly for Scratchanitch in these proceedings, I am prepared to expose ALL to the world.

Weren't you were arrested for that once before?

Might I be so bold as to propose a show trial?

*ducks*

**3/30/2011, 9:18 am**

If we're through with this outrage, I must get back to the "People's Business".

**3/30/2011, 9:32 am**

Judge Frau,

A most wise and just decision!!!!!!!!!! Why just the cost of trying to rehabilitate them would have cost a fortune. They are sneaky, self centered, demanding and act like permanent spoiled brat 12 year olds who have hissy fits that the real world doesn't operate just to make them happy. In other words perfect progs!!!!!!!

JUSTICE HAS BEEN SERVED.........along with a few slices of smoked cheddar.

**3/30/2011, 9:49 am**

Commodore Snoogie Woogums wrote:Judge Frau,
....Why just the cost of trying to rehabilitate them would have cost a fortune. They are sneaky, self centered, demanding and act like permanent spoiled brat 12 year olds who have hissy fits that the real world doesn't operate just to make them happy. In other words perfect progs!!!!!!!....

I could not have said it better - well, OK, I could have, but I hate to keep taking all the great wordage and verbiage in light of "fairness". These are some of the lowest Progs we have seen since . . . well, umm, Comrade Whoopie, for example... and Ivan Betinov, a such scoundrel, Kook, who definitely is . . . dear dear Marshal Pupovich, who I is a real dog in all things socialist, Reiuxat, such a progressive cat cad . . . of course, Buffoon is a learned cheat . . . the Commodore, yikes!, and your personal self. . . . . . and we can't forget the boss, the unparalleled Red Square!

They are amongst professional Progs at their our best!

**3/30/2011, 9:59 am**

Judge Fraulein Pulloskies wrote:.... in due consideration of my esteemed time and the colossal, overabundance of evidence provided, I must find these 3 not guilty. There is nothing as 'not guilty' as comrades willing to risk all to further progress, lack of values. These are the sorts of crook, ne'er do wells and Progressive scandals that we need in the Cube.

Thank you, Your Honory.

.

In view of the just vindication of the accused, I shall inform the Top Secret operatives of The People's Wiki to with-hold, defer and sit on the Top Secret info and save it for possible use at a later time.

.

The People's WIKI has plenty more Top Secret Info that was cobbed from Top Secret and Private Communication by Private Bratley Womaning, who worked on Top Secret Level 8 Security Level in the People's Army.

.

This Top Secret slime and gossip has been stored in a Top Secret location in a vague, undefined, godless nation as security against future attacks on the Honorable "Gouda Three" or our valiant hero comrades.

**3/30/2011, 10:03 am**

Why thank Frau for the kind words, ummm, what's this? You want me to see you in your chambers again for another private chat about the case? FRAU!I'm not the one who needs further punishment it was those three and you found em not guilty Where's my wine, where's my wine.

**3/30/2011, 10:10 am**

Groucho Marxist wrote:
Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote:Should things go badly for Scratchanitch in these proceedings, I am prepared to expose ALL to the world.

Weren't you were arrested for that once before?

Seems like I am always being arrested for one silly thing or another.

Sneaky old bastards like us do seem to attract enemies and friends who want to climb the ladder of success by crawling up our backs.

Once again, old age and treachery beats youth and ambition.

**3/30/2011, 11:10 am**

What a shame. :(

I wanted to show off what I learned at Van Jone's class this week.

china-hosting-the-olympics-bullet-china-olympics-execution-political-poster-1287274588.jpg

**3/30/2011, 11:38 am**

Congratulations to Groucho Marxist, Toorisky & Scratchasnitch on your acquittals. You're fortunate in at least two respects: First, you rejected my advice to plead guilty (or plead insanity) and throw yourselves on the mercy of the court; Second, as is often said among lawyers, you managed to catch Judge Pulloskies on one of her (rare) good days.

I remember well having pled guilty and begged for mercy. My perpetual punishment has been wearing this straight-jacket and spending virtually all my time in the Gulag. Come to visit me when you have nothing better to do.

--KOOK

**3/30/2011, 11:48 am**

uh humm, cough, well Comrade Scratchanitch, Iwe are pleased to see your Progressive Attitude of Secretiveness for Later Blackmail Disclosure ™ . This is numero one from our Democratic leaders, is it not. Wear being continually arrest with humble pride!

Commodore Snoogie, our 'little meeting' is to discuss the proceeding procedures. (wine is still behind the toaster where it fell you left it)

Shovel, I feel your pain. Well, OK, not really, I know the torture chamber was more 'interesting' than I would care to know about.. I was wanting to see a good execution as well, but I am sure a guilty reichwinger will pass through here, sooner or later. Hang on to those bullets!

Yes, Kook, we are heard your begging, throughout the gulag for, what was it, 6.. 7 days? (oh, the screaming. sooo annoying)

**3/30/2011, 1:07 pm**

Sorry comrades, I just woke up from a few days of going over the evidence of their vodka hoarding. Head is killing me, but I am glad to say we can now add to the charges. Or did we execute them already?

The People's Cube - Political Satire

SHOW TRIAL!!!!!!!! For The Up To No Gouda Three