The People's Cube - Political Satire

Fuggin Foolish Games in association with the Stalin Brothers present a brand new board game full of kinetic military action!

[center]CLUELESS![/center]

The game of soft power and smart diplomacy for Harvard graduates aged 6 to 60.

Here's how the game is played:

Up to eight players are "advisors to the president" - the "president" is just an empty suit in the middle of the board which conceals a "magic-8-ball" type device that gives answers at random. To start the game, several cards are chosen at random which describe a burgeoning revolt in a Middle Eastern country. The cards will indicate the name of the country, the local faction responsible for the trouble and the larger geopolitical player who's sponsoring them.


Each "advisor" in turn will give advice to the president as to whether or not to deploy US military assets in the crisis, how big a committment to make and on whose side. The advisors are not allowed to see the cards describing the crisis so they have absolutely NO IDEA WHAT'S GOING ON (in other words, just like real life!) The advisor must be careful, for if he or she advises the president to get involved and the country proves to be of ANY strategic or economic interest to the United States, THAT ADVISOR IS OUT OF THE GAME AND AUTOMATICALLY LOSES! On the other hand, if the advisor suggests involvement is not warranted, his or her office is moved one door further down the hall from the president. If that advisor's office ends up outside the White House (i.e. off the game board) that advisor's career is OVER AND HE OR SHE IS A LOSER! So, it doesn't pay to be TOO cautious.

Once the advisor declares his or her advice, the president (i.e. the magic 8 ball) is activated to give his decision on the advice. If the president's response is something like "No, thanks" or "Did you see my golf ball?", that advisor's advice is rejected and he or she is OFF THE HOOK for this round.

If the president's decision is to follow the advisor's advice, then an "unintended consequences" card is drawn from the pile. The idea is that advice from a clueless, ideologically-driven inexperienced media-savvy political hack advisor is BOUND to be wrong and the unintended consequences card determines how badly off the mark it is. The unintended consequences range from mild (e.g. "You advised the president to back rebels who are actually Al Qaeda operatives") to moderate (e.g. "You advised the president to conduct an air strike on an insurgent-held ammo dump which turned out to be the king's son's wedding reception") to severe (e.g. "The president of France called your advice 'incompetent'".) Each negative unintended consequence may move the advisor's office one, two or three doors further down the hall from the president's. However, if the advisor draws the card "You are a member of the president's core Chicago advisor group" the advisor's office does not move further away from the president for the remainder of the game no matter how bad his or her advice proves to be. This is tantamount to a "get out of jail free" card.

The game is over when the president's two terms end after 10 years. Whichever advisor has involved the country in the most useless pointless kinetic military actions at that time is declared the WINNER OF THE FUTURE™ and is awarded a Nobel Peace Prize™.

Now this is a game we proles could really get into after a long day of beet pulling.

I'm assuming that no actual thinking is needed to play... just that strong arm to draw the cards. Spot on!!!!

I want to play and I'll take the Robert McNamara game piece. But before I start I want to be absolutely sure that if I am maneuvered out of the White House I don't get shipped overseas to become a direct "military advisor" to troops we are helping. If I get the Robert McNamara game piece I want to be able to over ride the JCS just like Valerie Jarrett probably does again. And if by some weird circumstance I do goof up the Middle East strategies I want to the option to leave the White House and become president of the World Bank.

Comrade darski, just as in real life, actual thinking is a molehill that will prevent your ball from reaching the cup.

Comrade Robot, when the "president" is a magic 8 ball, micro-management of all aspects of game strategy is not only desirable, it is probably mandantory.

Where's the "Michael Moore" clock—the same clock that was used in the Bushitler 9/11 screed—showing an age progression of Michael Moore turning into a Methuselah-like prune waiting for the appropriate decision/action to be taken... or the box of U.S. Constitution wipes to sop up the afterdrool?

"The "president" is just an empty suit in the middle of the board which conceals a "magic-8-ball" type device that gives answers at random."

Comrade Whinny wrote:Where's the "Michael Moore" clock—the same clock that was used in the Bushitler 9/11 screed—showing an age progression of Michael Moore turning into a Methuselah-like prune waiting for the appropriate decision/action to be taken... or the box of U.S. Constitution wipes to sop up the afterdrool?

Comrade Whinny,

You must have missed the news reports indicating a "disturbance" in the collective-- Michael Moore, Code Pink, Dennis Kucinich, and a few others have wandered off my reservation. Regarding the empty suit, as all Comrades know, the reason my suit is empty right now is that I am wearing my Kinetic Military Action uniform and wielding my Kineti Military Action weapon. Indeed I may have to use this weapon against Moore, Code Pink and Kucinich unless they get back onto my reservation pronto. They don't seem to understand my current strategy in the Middle East of giving as much aid and comfort as possible to all who know that all problems in the world not caused by the U.S.A. are caused by those Joooooooos Israelis. I'm still baffled that my mentor, Reverend Wright, and the esteemed Minister Farakan are failing to recognize my strategy.


--Fearless Leader

"Uncle Joe" Stalin had a similar game he used to play. There was the "get out of gulag free" card. That was the card to get. Oh, and the losers? Let's just say they went a little further than off the board. He always asked me to play, but I would make some excuse and take my exit. As his Spiritual Adviser I knew better.

Grigori E.R. wrote:"Uncle Joe" Stalin had a similar game he used to play. There was the "get out of gulag free" card. That was the card to get. Oh, and the losers? Let's just say they went a little further than off the board. He always asked me to play, but I would make some excuse and take my exit. As his Spiritual Adviser I knew better.

My "get out of gulag free" card has heisted by a fellow comrade, who name I won't mention, but the joke was on Buffoon, who ended up in the gulag anyway.

This game looks very difficult . . . and maybe the reason dear Leader isn't doing so well?

Comrades,

The game is not so difficulty, trying to follow the twisted thinking that devised this game is impossible.