The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades,


I must report that Comrade Tooorisky was involved in counter revolutionary espionage.


He was tried and convicted and transported to an undisclosed island in the Pacific inhabited by Cannibals.


The problem was disposed of immediately, but will not be eliminated for several days.


His replaced by two stalwart comrades:


General Confusion, any similarity with anyone else is purely accidental.


His Aide de Camp is Major Mistake, not accountable for his, fixes yours!


end of information release

Comrade, the news of your demise/resurrection is heart-touching.

Now with two personas, you can do character assassinations on your other self.

Ain't life in the Gulag great?

Comrade Scratcanitch,

The idea had never even occurred to me, now even back stabbings are possible.

Dear General Confusion,


While you're waiting for your subordinate, Major Mistake, to appear, I wonder if you ever met Private Matters?

I think he was the one who coined FUBAR.

It was only many years later that awareness of FUBAR came to the attention of the Top Brass, such as General Orders.


--KOOK

General Confusion wrote:Comrade Scratcanitch,

The idea had never even occurred to me, now even back stabbings are possible.

For practice, you could work up a good ol Alinsky #5 on TooooRisky.

a-ten-hut!

Fall in line soldiers. Drop your Kochs and grab your socks.

Under orders from our Commander in Chief, The Honorable President Nixon, we will plunge deep into enemy territory and retrieve our brother.

Private KOOK are you eyeballing me son?

Do you like me son? Do I arouse you soldier? Would you rather hear a fat boy fart than a hear a pretty girl sing Private KOOK?

I can't hear you KOOK !!!!!

Now drop down and give me 20 Private KOOK.

And you other losers turn off that damn Jimi Hendrix music, that's for Sailors and Communists. There will be no Hoochy Mean worship in my baracks ... is that understood maggots?

Now the rest of you ladies listen up, Sarge ™ has a new canine and he will lead us to to liberate our Marine brother.

If I had my way I bust all you misfits up and replace you with more dogs, but General Westmoreland has only a few of these fine Marines allocated.

In fact I wouldn't trade one of these fine Marine Canines for the entire US Navy.



We will rendevous at 08:00 and try and catch Charlie and his commie cannibal friends napping.

Carry on.

General Confusion wrote:Comrades,


I must report that Comrade Tooorisky was involved in counter revolutionary espionage.


He was tried and convicted and transported to an undisclosed island in the Pacific inhabited by Cannibals.

Good Comrade Confusion, we must request that you make every effort to improve the clarity of you posting on The People's Cube. Many of the members mistook "Cannibals" for "Cannabis" and are now missing.


The People's Retrival Committee has been dispatched to the Pacific region.

Sgt. NeoTroll wrote:a-ten-hut!

* * *
Private KOOK are you eyeballing me son?

Do you like me son? Do I arouse you soldier? Would you rather hear a fat boy fart than a hear a pretty girl sing Private KOOK?

I can't hear you KOOK !!!!!

Now drop down and give me 20 Private KOOK.

* * *

I was excused from doing pushups because it interfered with my carrying a gun. Remember? This is my rifle, this is my gun, this is for fighting, this is for .....

And, the last time a Sgt. ordered me to do pushups was the last time he ordered me to do pushups. Normally, I'd say, "At ease, Sgt.," but in your case you're obviously at your best when you're not at ease, so carry on.




--KOOK

Comrade, you do not need to face Dissociative Identity Disorder alone...and neither do your alters. Call the Department of Psychiatry and Right Politikal Thinking at 1-800-596-SANE, and we will arrange to have you picked up and incarcerated hospitalized in a nice, neutrally-colored institution clinic in the company of others like you, where you can sing songs about the glory of Dear Leader and play checkers.

Sgt. NeoTroll wrote:a-ten-hut!

Fall in line soldiers. Drop your Kochs and grab your socks.

Under orders from our Commander in Chief, The Honorable President Nixon, we will plunge deep into enemy territory and retrieve our brother.

Private KOOK are you eyeballing me son?

Do you like me son? Do I arouse you soldier? Would you rather hear a fat boy fart than a hear a pretty girl sing Private KOOK?

I can't hear you KOOK !!!!!

Now drop down and give me 20 Private KOOK.

And you other losers turn off that damn Jimi Hendrix music, that's for Sailors and Communists. There will be no Hoochy Mean worship in my baracks ... is that understood maggots?

Now the rest of you ladies listen up, Sarge ™ has a new canine and he will lead us to to liberate our Marine brother.

If I had my way I bust all you misfits up and replace you with more dogs, but General Westmoreland has only a few of these fine Marines allocated.

In fact I wouldn't trade one of these fine Marine Canines for the entire US Navy.


We will rendevous at 08:00 and try and catch Charlie and his commie cannibal friends napping.

Carry on.

Welcome back Sarge!

Good to see that you recovered after being shot by one of your own men.

BTW, how about that "repeal of don't ask don't tell'? Bet your're one happy redneck.

Well, nothing wrong with a little fun amongst old Cold Warriors like us.

Царевна wrote:Comrade, you do not need to face Dissociative Identity Disorder alone...and neither do your alters. Call the Department of Psychiatry and Right Politikal Thinking at 1-800-596-SANE, and we will arrange to have you picked up and incarcerated hospitalized in a nice, neutrally-colored institution clinic in the company of others like you, where you can sing songs about the glory of Dear Leader and play checkers.

Uhmm...errr...

Seems the inmates have taken over the asylum over there, Sarge now thinks he is a therapist and has taken charge.

Царевна wrote:Comrade, you do not need to face Dissociative Identity Disorder alone...and neither do your alters. Call the Department of Psychiatry and Right Politikal Thinking at 1-800-596-SANE, and we will arrange to have you picked up and incarcerated hospitalized in a nice, neutrally-colored institution clinic in the company of others like you, where you can sing songs about the glory of Dear Leader and play checkers.

Who the ##%# said that? Did I give you permission to speak numbnuts?

I bet you are a George McGovern supporter, probably dress up in your mama clothes too?

Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Царевна?

I have more responsibility here than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Comrade Tooorisky , and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Comrade Tooorisky abduction, while tragic, probably saved lives.

And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. I know deep down in places you dont talk about at parties, you don't want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand to post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

Infidel Castrate wrote: Welcome back Sarge!

Good to see that you recovered after being shot by one of your own men.
BTW, how about that "repeal of don't ask don't tell'? Bet your're one happy redneck.
Well, nothing wrong with a little fun amongst old Cold Warriors like us..

If I ask for your opinion I'll give it to you first Castrate. Why, I'm going to rip off your head and dump your Colostomy Bag down your neck.

Look at you, baby brother has taken over your island and become a Crony Capitalist. How's it feel to be an Dickless ex-Dictator Castrate?

Sgt. NeoTroll wrote:

Царевна wrote:Comrade, you do not need to face Dissociative Identity Disorder alone...and neither do your alters. Call the Department of Psychiatry and Right Politikal Thinking at 1-800-596-SANE, and we will arrange to have you picked up and incarcerated hospitalized in a nice, neutrally-colored institution clinic in the company of others like you, where you can sing songs about the glory of Dear Leader and play checkers.

Who the ##%# said that? Did I give you permission to speak numbnuts?

I bet you are a George McGovern supporter, probably dress up in your mama clothes too?

Son, we live in a world that has walls, and those walls have to be guarded by men with guns. Whose gonna do it? You? You, Lt. Царевна?

I have more responsibility here than you could possibly fathom. You weep for Comrade Tooorisky , and you curse the marines. You have that luxury. You have the luxury of not knowing what I know. That Comrade Tooorisky abduction, while tragic, probably saved lives.

And that my existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives. I know deep down in places you dont talk about at parties, you don't want me on that wall, you need me on that wall. We use words like honor, code, loyalty. We use these words as the backbone of a life spent defending something. You use them as a punchline.

I have neither the time nor the inclination to explain myself to a man who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the very freedom I provide, then question the manner in which I provide it. I prefer you said thank you, and went on your way, Otherwise, I suggest you pick up a weapon, and stand to post. Either way, I don't give a damn what you think you are entitled to!

Sarge, I have just provided an important function for you that may keep you from getting Court Martialed. I just ran Царевна (Tsarevna) through Google Translate. The low IQ redneck translation of it is "The Daughter of a Five Star General". Are you sure you want to address me like that?