The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades, as we all know and as many important studies funded by us confirm, progressives are more intelligent, smarter, brighter and less stupid than conservative bitter clingers. But how many of you knew that conservative "minds" (if you can call them that) are easily manipulated and are generally non-reactive? I'm sure we have all heard of the groundbreaking Frank Thomas, er, Thomas Frank book, "What's the Matter With Kansas?" which discusses why stupid Kansans vote for Rethuglicans who want to kill their grandmothers and murder their babies instead of loving, caring Democrats who want to shower them with unicorn turds popscicles and other government benevolence. But still, we brilliant progressives found it and STILL find it very hard to comprehend.

Good news! The answer has been found, and it will AMAZE you! You see, conservatives are basically brain-dead non-living zombies! That's right, they are simply non-reactive robots who go thru the motions of living, muttering things like "Sarah Palin for President" and "Where's Obama's birth certificate?" A new study has brought this important fact to light. Let me give you an excerpt:

Northwestern University School of Law professor James Lindgren publidhed a paper March 15th titled What Drives Views on Government Redistribution and Anti-Capitalism: Envy or a Desire for Social Dominance? In it he reports:

...compared to anti-redistributionists, strong redistributionists have about two to three times higher odds of reporting that in the prior seven days they were angry, mad at someone, outraged, sad, lonely, and had trouble shaking the blues. Similarly, anti-redistributionists had about two to four times higher odds of reporting being happy or at ease. Not only do redistributionists report more anger, but they report that their anger lasts longer. When asked about the last time they were angry, strong redistributionists were more than twice as likely as strong opponents of leveling to admit that they responded to their anger by plotting revenge. Last, both redistributionists and anti-capitalists expressed lower overall happiness, less happy marriages, and lower satisfaction with their financial situations and with their jobs or housework.

https://washingtonexaminer.com/blogs/beltway-confidential/2011/04/why-angry-left-redundant#ixzz1JYTe3GwM

Well, the study didn't actually come out and SAY directly that conservatives were brain-dead zombies but you can read between the lines. After all, who else but a zombie could remain calm and content while being viciously exploited by the horrific capitalist system? Who else but a brain-dead corpseman could not be seething for revenge from long being denied by Rethuglican fiends all the wonderful benefits that government has to offer like hi-speed rail and free health care? It is the only reasonable explanation I can come up with, and I am one of the most reasonable persons I know.

Well, I hope this helps all of you by once again confirming your ingrained self-satisfied smug sense of superiority and self-righteousness. Carry on.

Is known fact, comrade, whether study says directly or not.

Favorite Kapitalist Zombie quotes: "Where is birth certificate?""Sarah Palin for President!" "Taxed Enough Already!" "Don't tread on me!" "RGHWRGH!" "Mmmmmm....BRAINS!"

Of course, they are brained dead, non-thinking robotic zombies. Look at these hatemongers. All these little riots they have; NOT wanting redistributed monies... they must be crazy, must they not?




Bitter clingers, just as dear Leader said! See, the sign says "mad as hell" and they dress in silly costumes and can't even find an electric car to drive. Silly, zombie. spit

Quite correct Comrade,

They are advocating for the return of an agrarian society as the mode of transport shown above. Only the rich will have horses, peons use the footmobile!

This work was first pioneered by our dear Comradette Dr. Janeane Gagafolo. She was the first to identify that conservative brains are inferior and prone to racism. This Professor James Lindgren has merely added to her ground breaking work.

Here's Dr. Gagafolo esplaining her theories to Comrade BM Bill Maher:

Conservatives are so stupid they do not find any humor in Janeane Gagafolo. They just don't get it.

Grigori E.R. wrote:This work was first pioneered by our dear Comradette Dr. Janeane Gagafolo. She was the first to identify that conservative brains are inferior and prone to racism. This Professor James Lindgren has merely added to her ground breaking work.

Here's Dr. Gagafolo explaing her theories to Comrade BM Bill Maher:

_garofolo.jpg

The doctor is saying, "And if you want to buy some time you can always take your own brain, like this, and throw it to them. We don't need our brains anyway. Dear Leader does all the thinking for us!"

A very astute study based on this evidence from MoveOn.org....

humm, Comrade Red Rooster, that appears to be a picture from "All the Fine Young Cannibals"? NO?

Царевна's quote:
"And if you want to buy some time you can always take your own brain, like this, and throw it to them."

Like this?

The way I see it, the Progressive's™ idea of wealth re-distribution does not stem from their so-called desire to improve the condition of The Poor™ and make a contribution to The Greater Good™. They simply want to punish those who've succeded in life or, as they see it, benifited unfairly by stealing the earth's resources and coercing poor people, through a false concept of private property, to pay for the goods they already have the right to own.



i knew it, comrades... we're just smarter dan dem... right? er... i mean, korrekt?

Grigori E.R. wrote:This work was first pioneered by our dear Comradette Dr. Janeane Gagafolo. She was the first to identify that conservative brains are inferior and prone to racism. This Professor James Lindgren has merely added to her ground breaking work.

Here's Dr. Gagafolo esplaining her theories to Comrade BM Bill Maher:

And here's Professor Maher explaining the follow-up to the theories:

What a class act!

This is what Dear Leader thinks of zombies.

I have received many request to repost my photo of proper assault weapon which will soon be banned in Amerikkka available to all for free. I hope to take possesion of my new collective issued weapon this week and anticipated learning its secrets intimately.

Grigori E.R. wrote:Царевна's quote:
"And if you want to buy some time you can always take your own brain, like this, and throw it to them."

Like this?

brain_throw.gif

I was thinking of feeding the zombies, but now that you mention it maybe we could get them to get crazed enough to bang their own heads against the wall.

Grigori E.R. wrote:Царевна's quote:
"And if you want to buy some time you can always take your own brain, like this, and throw it to them."

Like this?

brain_throw.gif

As a famous progressive once said, throw enough brains against the wall and some of them are bound to stick!

Red Menace wrote:

The way I see it, the Progressive's™ idea of wealth re-distribution does not stem from their so-called desire to improve the condition of The Poor™ and make a contribution to The Greater Good™. They simply want to punish those who've succeded in life or, as they see it, benifited unfairly by stealing the earth's resources and coercing poor people, through a false concept of private property, to pay for the goods they already have the right to own.

My take on their idea of "wealth re-distribution" is simply "Someone gottee, me wantee!" Since the traditional method of re-distribution (i.e. criminal activity) has negative consequences, a viable alternative is to manipulate the political system to accomplish the same thing legally. This theory is entirely consistent with the liberal "justification" for re-distribution: poverty causes crime or worthless scumbags steal because they're poor (and not because they're worthless scumbags.) And the alternative re-distribution scheme has the added benefits of enhancing the egos of its proponents ("I'm so wonderful because I'm liberal") as well as employing a army of well-paid middlemen (social welfare bureaucrats and tax officials) who will be a loyal base of votes for their political benefactors. But outside of the unimportant detail of who gets to hold the gun, there is basically no difference between the traditional and political re-distribution schemes.

Our photographer friend in Colorado just sent me this photo he has found in his archives from the times of the Occupy movement. These Cube-carrying zombies were obviously engaging in some street-theater action to mock the occupiers.