The People's Cube - Political Satire

Fellow Comrades,

I just love the smell of $5 @ gal. gas in the morning, don't you? As our beloved Dear Leader takes our fuel costs through a lesson in equality with the prices of our Utopian comrades in socialist Europe, I grow giddier at the mere thought of paying more at the pump. Dear Leader has the answers to our ‘addiction' to oil and gasoline. He is showing us the way to a better, more equal future where Algore's nemesis, the combustion engine, will be nothing more than a fading memory in the Smithsonian.
~
And what exactly is our Dear Leader doing? Well, comrades, try not to grow light of heart over an excerpt from his glorious plan:

OBAMA: I asked my attorney general to look into any cases of price gouging so he can make sure nobody's being taken advantage of at the pump. Today I'm gonna go a step further. The attorney general's putting together a team whose job it is to root out any cases of fraud or manipulation in the oil markets that might affect gas prices, and that includes the role of traders and speculators. We're gonna make sure that nobody's taking advantage of American consumers for their own short-term gain.

This is really substantive stuff, comrades. Dear Leader is going to make damn sure that no greedy SOB is going to rip off the People at the pump! I know the reason the prices are so high is because of greed! Yes! That's it! GREED!

The man behind the counter in your local gas station—yes, you know the one... that guy with the maniacal look on his face and the little tick in his right eye—has a big, secret lever back there in a secret room that he pulls to automatically raise the price of gas! And while you're trying to decide “dog food tonight, or fill up the tank”, he's laughing at you with his best Viking-like mirth—twitching eye and all.

But rest assured: Obama's legal team will get this guy. They will sue the pants off him and you will feel better knowing that they did. The feeling of revenge over a gas station owner getting sued, intimidated and interrogated by Obama's regime is worth paying the high price in gas for. Just to feel GOOD about someone getting theirs is enough to pay the $70 or $80 dollars and drive away with a smile on your face knowing that the guy you just paid is going to get his ass kicked—and how—by Eric Holder!

But it doesn't end here, comrades. There's more to this story than just Dear Leader going on his crusade/inquisition against the Big Lever Pullers at your local gas station. There's the “Bush's Fault” aspect to all this that must be considered! Yes, even though Bush has been out of office for close to three years now, the effects of his occupancy will last forever. The blame is eternally his to own.

To wit:

Martin Frost, June 10th of 2008. "High oil prices? Weak dollar? Blame Bush -- Few issues focus the public's attention on politics like the price of gasoline. It keeps going up, the public wants relief, and politicians are held accountable for not fixing the situation. Yet to solve the problem, you first need to know the cause of the illness. Why do gasoline prices keep going up? Is it because Congress and President Bush have not fashioned energy policies to reduce our dependence on foreign oil? Clearly that's part of the answer. Our government can do more to reduce demand and increase supply through conservation, auto fuel efficiency standards, tax breaks and subsidies for development of alternative energy sources, and incentives to drill more in the US But that's not the entire story. The immediate cause of rising oil prices is the weak dollar."

Of course! This current “crisis” can be laid at the feet of Bushitler! There is nothing that can't be linked to Bushitler! The weakening of the dollar is Bush's fault because Obama and Bernanky are printing money 24/7 like it's going out of style. Obama is felling whole forests for the wood pulp to print this money, but it's still Bush's fault!

Need more proof that this whole charade is Bush's fault? Nanski Peloski explains:

July 8th of 2008: "Pelosi Asks Bush to Draw from Petroleum Reserve to Combat Surge in Oil Prices." Now, remember, we're talking about four-dollar-a-gallon here, four years ago. "House Speaker Nancy Pelosi asked Bush on Tuesday to draw down a portion of the country's strategic petroleum reserves as a way to reduce crude prices and help motorists who are suffering from the rising cost of gasoline." And then from Politics USA, April 26, 2008: "Democrats Blame Bush and Republicans for High Gas and Oil Prices -- This week Senator Frank Lautenberg delivered the Democrat radio address. Lautenberg placed the blame for high prices of gasoline and oil firmly at the feet of George W. Bush and the Republican Party."

And it's Bush's fault three years later, even though Dear Leader's lackey, Ken Sleaza-czar has put an illegal moratorium on off-shore drilling in contempt of federal court orders NOT to initiate a ban. But who cares? Obama cares! Obama really cares:

OBAMA: I remember before I was president the last time gas prices went up this high, it's tough. And if you're somebody who's gotta drive 20 miles, 30 miles to a job and maybe you don't have the money to buy a new car that gets better gas mileage, so you have that old beater, it's eight miles a gallon, you know. I've been there. It hurts

Yes, comrades, he's been there; done that. He feels our collective pain! Isn't that just so… “Next Tuesday™”? But Dear Leader has some sage advice for us to heed. The answer is blowing in the wind of his sheer wisdom and enlightenment:

OBAMA: I've been in one of these Chevy Volts. That is a nice car. It drives really well. So for all of you out there who are still driving those eight mile a gallon big SUVs, you know, some -- some of you, you know, that's the car you got to drive right now, you can't afford a new car, but when you do decide to buy a new car, think about the fact that we're putting a whole bunch of money into the pockets of some folks in some cases who don't like us at all, we're just giving away our wealth. That makes no sense.

Dear Leader offers us this ukase: Drive an ObamaVolt™—or else. Does Dear Leader really care who's pockets we're lining with bunches of money? No, he does not. These are his friends that he bows down to, apologizes to on our guilty behalves, kisses the rings of, pats on the backs with hugs for photo-ops. So let them be our friends too, and line their pockets with a spring in our kollective step and a gladness in our kollective heart!

ObamaVolt™ It's a nice car that drives REALLY WELL—when it's not busy catching on fire and burning down garages.

Dear Leader says much about “alternative energy” these days. If there is an entrepreneur out there… someone with creative genius, maybe they can harness the infinite abundance of hot, Global Warming™ gas that is coming out of his mouth. Renewable—AND—cheap!

Displaying his massive intellect...
“aka Obama” blamed higher gas prices on the lack belief,
In “[Man Made] Global Warming],
Just because it isn't true and not happening is no reason not to believe it,
The fact we are not drilling anywhere has nothing to do with it.

A Government Motors Chevy Volt? Runs on electricity. You plug it into the wall. Some of us remember the son of a bitch great leader saying this-




Apparently, I am one of the few who WAS LISTENING to what he was saying, instead of "HOPING for Change".


That's what my avatar is about.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... ZAUU#at=18

Dear Leader has a Plan. We will air up our tires and we will tune our engines. We were so looking forward to this. Forcing change to occur by created crisis and shortages. We will look to him for all things. Plus there is still the legion of Unicorns ready to power everything when all else fails. Hail Obama.

Hail the Great One indeed!

And to celebrate, now that the snow's gone for the season I put the front air dam back on my car today! VROOOOOM VROOOOOOOOM!!!

Vladimir_Scratchanitch wrote:A Government Motors Chevy Volt? Runs on electricity. You plug it into the wall. Some of us remember the son of a bitch great leader saying this-



Apparently, I am one of the few who WAS LISTENING to what he was saying, instead of "HOPING for Change".


That's what my avatar is about.

Volodya (may I call you Volodya?), your avatar looks more like hoping for the headlights ahead to not be an oncoming train.

Царевна wrote:Volodya (may I call you Volodya?), your avatar looks more like hoping for the headlights ahead to not be an oncoming train.

You can call me anything but "late for supper" or "father of my child".

As for my avatar, since I am a 60 year old white man, I have spent a lifetime in front of oncoming trains.

For instance, I think we are headed for another 1970's "stagflation".

That's why politicians seem like spoiled rotten mindless children to me.

For instance, I think we are headed for another 1970's "stagflation".

HERE HERE! I say we bring back the Misery Index™ and have it reported every night on the news where it's at just like back in the good 'ol days of Jimmah... Jimmah Cahtah.

Hail Obama! Hail the Misery Index™!

Hail being hot in summer and cold in winter to conserve gazillion tons of energy! Hail long lines at the gas station! Hail Amy Carter!

General Confusion wrote:Displaying his massive intellect...
“aka Obama” blamed higher gas prices on the lack belief,
In “[Man Made] Global Warming],
Just because it isn't true and not happening is no reason not to believe it,
The fact we are not drilling anywhere has nothing to do with it.

Well said, Gen'ral. Just because my vehicle runs on gasoline is no reason for me to believe that it isn't addicted to gasoline. Just because I breath air is no reason for me to believe I'm not addicted to breathing air. Just because my body likes to have blood circulating through it is no reason for me to believe I'm not addicted to having blood in my veins.

Hell, if it were up to me, I'd rather have Cider Vinegar running through my veins instead. I'd rather have lemonade in my gas tank, and I'd like to breath cotton candy. Damn addictions!

Corporeal Whinny wrote:Hail the Misery Index™!

The other day, I was researching the Misery Index. (Maybe it was for use here. A couple days ago was a long time to me).

Anyway, the Misery Index still exists, or has been reinvented anew-

https://www.miseryindex.us

Thanks, Comrade Scratchy. I'll bookmark that one because I just know it's going to be put to good use—and OFTEN!

Corporeal Whinny wrote:Thanks, Comrade Scratchy. I'll bookmark that one because I just know it's going to be put to good use—and OFTEN!

As Smokey says- "Only YOU can prevent financial holocausts"

Comrades, you have hit gold here. Prog gold. Just because it's true doesn't mean that we don't have to believe it. My car is addicted to gas. My body to blood.

Brilliant. Why have we been so blind for so long? We had four glorious years under the Uber-proggette, Nanski Peloski, and how many years have we burnished the trotters of our Many Titted Empress?

Have we forgotten that Reality Comes Our Our Asses?

I was just watching a program on archeology and the Bible. And I saw another one about the Sahara Desert. Both implied that, and sit down for this, for it will be hard, there was climate change before there were internal-combustion engines.

There. I said it. I feel as good as Jonathan Chait of The New Whining, Precious, bought-for-him-by-his-rich wife magazine Cossack Republic. It's finally out.

But if you're ever at a party, you must resist the idea that reality is, well, real. Do you get it? Reality is not real. If reality were real, then there would be no need for progs.

Get it?

Comrade Scratchy , Where the hell did you get that incriminating picture of me pointing to that fire with that gleeful smirk on my face?! NO ONE was supposed to see that! I thought I thoroughly disposed of it! (I'll have to keep that one for future reference).

Father Prog, You know that old saying, [paraphrase] "Say it often enough and they'll believe it's true". I would say this is the practical application of that. Who woulda ever thunk that "climate change" was happening before Algore and combustion engines? That's a highly restricted, taboo area of thought to be venturing into!

"Addictions" are more useful because they insinuate alternatives and choices that are unworkable and really don't exist when it comes to changing something that can't be changed.

I enjoy forcing a round peg into a square hole because the square hole is only "addicted" to being square and has a chioce in accepting the insertion of the round peg. So it's not the fault of the round peg in as much as it's the fault of the square hole for not allowing the round peg to fit!

I totally get it.

Corporeal Whinny wrote:Comrade Scratchy , Where the hell did you get that incriminating picture of me pointing to that fire with that gleeful smirk on my face?! NO ONE was supposed to see that! I thought I thoroughly disposed of it! (I'll have to keep that one for future reference).

In case you want the HUGE original 2,024 × 2,904 pixels poster, it is HERE-

https://commons.wikimedia.org/wiki/File:SmokeyBearShamefulWaste1953.jpg

(Thanks)

It's like when Momma told you to eat your vegetables. You knew she was right, but you didn't eat them anyway. So to with his Excellency the Obama. He told us clearly before he was elected that the only way America could be weaned from it's dependency on energy was through higher prices. We were told of his plan. He promised the changes if elected, he has made good on his promises and now everyone is complaining about the price of gasoline?

The veggies are on the plate Comrades. They must be consumed no matter how bitter the taste. It's for the Common Good, the Good of the Planet and extremely lucrative for us Good for the Children.

Filler Up Comrades. The Hope Pump:

Whinny wrote:I enjoy forcing a round peg into a square hole because the square hole is only "addicted" to being square and has a chioce in accepting the insertion of the round peg. So it's not the fault of the round peg in as much as it's the fault of the square hole for not allowing the round peg to fit!

Brilliant, Whinny, just brilliant.

This policy applies to everything. We could see the seeds of it of course with dear Walter Duranty went to the Motherland and lied his ass off in the paper that prints all the news that's fit to lie about, being the NYT.

Then we have had instances of boy babies being given involuntary penectomies owing to botched circumcisions and being raised like girls. They knew they weren't and some tried to commit suicide, but now I know they were merely addicted to the gender in their head.

Let us extend this. The money in, oh, say, your wallet (I want to be convivial) is not your money. It's greenbacks just addicted to being in your wallet. I can teach it a lesser addition: my wallet. Get it?

Also since you have advanced the Theory of Addition, why should that Ferrari be addicted to that surgeon? It should be addicted to my garage.

And while I'm think about addition, there are all sorts of toothsome men who are addicted to (1) their girlfriends or wives, and (2) heterosexuality.

Addiction. We could call all progs Addiction Specialists. And we are never addicted to OPM. It's addicted to us, and we all want to help it.

Brilliant.

If society's suffering from an addiction to oil then isn't Obama playing the role of unscrupulous drug pusher on the playground of America enticing the childish with "the really good stuff"?

Father Prog Theocritus wrote: Also since you have advanced the Theory of Addition, why should that Ferrari be addicted to that surgeon? It should be addicted to my garage.
Brilliant.

Very Progressive choice in off-the-cuff car brand dropping Theo, certainly any self respecting plastic surgeon would choose such over a Tea Party Special Edition.

I do not see much room for hauling of beets or cargo in this truck from Kollective 2.

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Let us extend this. The money in, oh, say, your wallet (I want to be convivial) is not your money. It's greenbacks just addicted to being in your wallet. I can teach it a lesser addition: my wallet. Get it?

Also since you have advanced the Theory of Addition, why should that Ferrari be addicted to that surgeon? It should be addicted to my garage.

And while I'm think about addition, there are all sorts of toothsome men who are addicted to (1) their girlfriends or wives, and (2) heterosexuality.

Addiction. We could call all progs Addiction Specialists. And we are never addicted to OPM. It's addicted to us, and we all want to help it.

Brilliant.

Father Prog,

In general, from what I'm hearing about all these "addictions", is that they're "bad". For example, the money that's addicted to being in my wallet really belongs to Obama's Stash™ so he can hand it out to someone who's addicted to not working.

KKKapitalists, who are addicted to Kapitalism need the Methadone of Socialism™ to cure their disease so they can be free from their addiction and well again.

Joe 'bite me' Biden is hopelessly addicted to stoopidity. Nothing can save him from that. And The One™ is hopelessly addicted to his reflection in a mirror, as well has hearing himself talk.

Yes, Addiction Specialists: they are the reasonable authority to determine which "addiction" is "good" and which one is "bad". Socialism addiction "GOOD"; Kapitalism addiction "BAD".

see, Whinny, that you are solving a class of problems rather than stamping them one by one. I commend you, as would Ellsworth Toohey. Don't pull up weeds like Howard Roark; poison the ground.

That's what the Couric Head and What's-the-frequency-Kenneth Rather have done. Or that's what they tried to, before they got sacked. I swear. You'd think that Prog Central CBS would have had more patience. I mean, it's not like anyone every really thought that CBS was a news organization, instead of what it is, a dearly beloved institution staffed with sclerotic paleoliberal dinosaurs whose eau de toilette is a condensation of their farts.

All recursive problems by definition need a termination condition or, well, they'll continue like the federal borrowing until there is nothing left and they'll go on beyond that. So you have most sensibly set a termination condition. Your IF statement for solving a class of problems.

Socialism addiction good, self-reliance bad. This means that there is utterly no responsibility from prog house organs like the NYT ("All the news that's fit to lie about") to today's New Republic ("Come again? I was sniffing.") to of course the Couric Head. Or our glorious Many Titted Empress. And of course the king of irresponsibility, Community Organizer Obaama.

That is the terminating condition. When anyone shows the slightest sign of temperance or responsibility or property rights, then the recursion is ended and we are back with Socialism Addiction good.

So keep up solving this class of problems. If you are successful, no wallet will remain unfilched, no right untrampled, no property not seized.

This is your time in the sun, dear Prog Whinny. Go out there and make this old made prog's rheumy eyes weep with pride at your sheer, gobsmacking nastiness.

Because you're worth it.

We're all worth it.

We're all worth whatever we want.

Sorry. I got started and that Prog onanistic streak just took me, well, shall we say, away. Now to clean up.

Margaret, dear Margaret. We've been fellow comrades-in-theft for some five years now and I love no one more than you, except possibly Meow (don't tell him that the Couric head ate his last Hummel) and that's only because Meow still has some of my pelf.

Of course Obama is a pusher. Socialism is as evil and unproductive as crack but when we're high, it's the greatest thing on earth.

I so feel sorry for crackheads or tweakers. They have to come down. But Community Organizer Obaama never has to--when it's time to act, well, like a president, he's off for vacation. He never comes down. What would it be like to be having a theftgasm 24/7?

And I will say this: Community Organizer Obaama taught us that socialism is never having to say I'm goddamned insane. Because too much is not enough socialism.

Tovarichi wrote:I do not see much room for hauling of beets or cargo in this truck from Kollective 2.

True, but I do notice that the tires are well inflated and it seems rather aerodynamic so naturally it must be economically sound on fuel consumption, and how many horse power(s?) does it take to pull a chuck wagon of Idaho potato(e?)s and guns to Wisconsin's Cheese ?
Picture the Chuck Wagon Train it could pull with a slight adjustment of a tow bar welded on by Comrade Scratchnsniff..... all that and still be there on time to be first on race day.
In conclusion, now you understand how such a british American made Tea Party beast could lead to rioting and shoostings in the streets, as compared to a nice Progressive Ferrari that a Plastic Surgeon would naturally choose. It's like night and day.

Comrades,

Enough of these decadent vehicles. I've already invented a vehicle (now being built by GM) that uses the most renewable energy source of all:

Comrade Gorbels,

I'm heartened to see that your evironmentally compliant vehicle is furnished with the proper EPA-approved 1.6 gal. toilet. Carry on.