The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades:

Remember that the "Frozen Felon Fall-Guy" is just one of the many services that we offer here at the People's Cube. What's that you ask?? Well it really is very simple!

Suppose you are one of our comrade world leaders and something embarrassing has happened. For instance, you posted a poorly photo-shopped picture of your birth certificate that brings too much unwanted attention to yourself and you are short on answers. Or perhaps your poll numbers are completely in the toilet because you are perceived as a military eunuch……

Well fear not because we have just the answer for you! Thanks to our voluntary donations of DNA (unless your medical records are sealed) we have quite a selection of Frozen Felon Fall-Guys that can be thawed out on demand that you can kill for your fawning MSM to regain that studly military popularity!! They are the distractor of choice for failing politicos! How it works is that many despots across the world have sold volunteered their DNA to go into our data bank. There were also many volunteers (like the organ donors that wake up in tubs of ice) that were surgically altered to appear like the despot, terrorist or international criminal. These volunteers were then put on ice to be safely kept until the moment our buyer needs them! It's that simple and profitable!!

Also available in various degrees of decomposition making burial at sea (for example) even more convenient!! Get yours today!!

The main point of the artificial hype and Zombie parades around the Capital are the real side show to this circus.

Possibly it was mentioned that the words birth certificate are not on the [previously unknown]
long form COLB.
The state already knows your foreign born and needs only the fee to release the short COLB.

The tail is not wagging the dog above!The Major is over and out!

How very interesting. So say someone who name we won't mention, said he himself had killed, say, umm, an "overseas contingent" when he had not, then he could have DNA of said contingent available for the news media. ah yes, I am seeing the light.
My my my, dear leader is a small little rascal, is he not? Although, I AM MAKING NO SUGGESTIONS OF ANY DECEITFULNESS FOR REELECTION PURPOSES.

Why would Dear Leader lie? As an expert in such matters, I can assure all my Brothers and Sisters, that while fake deaths make for good conspiracy theories, they never ever happen in the real world. Say for example Grigori E. Rasputin. He was stabbed in the back and thrown in a frozen canal by that little twerp Prince Felix on December 30, 1916. They even declared that little shit a national hero.

Dead and Gone.
Even though they later hauled poor, unjustly maligned, innocent, sweet, humble Monk and loved Spiritual Adviser Grigori's frozen carcass out of the canal and photographed it, the rumors began to fly that he wasn't really dead and was hiding out plotting his revenge. See, who could believe such a thing? It wasn't possible then and certainly isn't possible now. Comrades, we need to drop all the silliness and get back to the real business at hand. Dear Leader has said so.