The People's Cube - Political Satire

Praise Stalin I am first to have ripped off discovered this wonderful and quite progressive cash cow dietary wonder!

Comrades, I am proud and quite looking forward to incredible profit margin helping feed a hungry world with my patented ProgoPoopburgers! Those capitalist money grubbers such as McDonalds and Burger King etc. will soon be confined to the dustbins of history! For where will your truly progressive liberal hunger be satisfied better than at one of my operations once you discover it's origin and special taste?

Grant it Comrades, I cannot take credit for the recipe, I am merely here first to shamelessly exploit invest in this great opportunity.


My Japanese scientists have discovered how to get those essential proteins from....well....let my press release explain:

"Anyone up for some poop burgers?

Japanese scientist Mitsuyuki Ikeda from the Okayama Laboratory certainly doesn't believe in human waste.

He thinks that's perfectly good protein you're sending out to sea, and he's found a way to extract it, mix it with steak saucehttps://www.foxnews.com/scitech/2011/06/17/japanese-scientists-create-meat-from-poop/?test=faces# and create a fecal feast fit for a king.
And despite the downside of having to add soya to bind it all together, Prof Ikeda thinks there's no reason why we shouldn't all tuck into his turd burgers."

Japanese Scientists Create Meat From Poop

Sorry Comrades, I must insist on being the sole People's Representative to properly manage this growing endeavor. It's For the Children™ in the end Comrades.

Marshal Pupovich wrote: He thinks that's perfectly good protein you're sending out to sea, and he's found a way to extract it, mix it with steak sauce and create a
fecal feast fit for a king.

Dear Leader then allows it to flow downhill unto the eagerly waiting proletariat.
PBUH

Yes Comrade!


What better way than this to out do our North Korean comrades and their"Special Noodle"
It always depressed me that they came up with such a fine gov't invention,, show offs.

We must steal this new idea and make it our own. At !0 to 20 times the cost of "Bourgeois Beef", this new "People's Meat" is a natural for gov't subsidies. Indeed, Americans can hold their heads high and proud in their Progressive Utopia with "turdburgers" in their Socialist Fist as proof of success.


What better way to help the planet. This is also a great step in helping us to get the masses even closer to accepting Soylent Green as a food substitute


Of course, this would require us to use "thought control" via our PC police and remove from the language the expression;


"you are what you eat"


I can think on no better way for Papa Obama to lead by example





Now, all the things I hear at the inner party meetings make sense.....


"We must sh#t on the American productive class, so others can eat."

Pup's Pleasure Palaces & now this!

An endless supply of My Plate ™ approved cuisine. No doubt your creating or saving jobs will guarantee Dear Leader successive terms 4 EVAH! Your tireless work for the Children ™ will surley be added as a chapter to the Holey Hopey ™ someday.

Shovel 4 U wrote:Pup's Pleasure Palaces & now this!

An endless supply of My Plate ™ approved cuisine. No doubt your creating or saving jobs will guarantee Dear Leader successive terms 4 EVAH! Your tireless work for the Children ™ will surley be added as a chapter to the Holey Hopey ™ someday.

Comrade, you can not imagine how overjoyed I am to have come to the forefront of bringing cheap, renewable, earth-friendly food for the masses, and ultimately For the Children™! Not to mention the fact that I have long wished to get into the fast food sector and go "head to head" so to speak, with the great ones, such as the Chairman's Fried Rat Rotisseries. It is my hope that one day soon you will see Pup's Progo-Poopburgers across the street from every Chairman's Fried Rat franchise.... not that I wish to compete, nyet, I merely want to make sure that each and every prole has a choice in healthy nutritious food.

Now I will be the first to suggest that one not order their Poopburger rare, in fact, I would suggest as well done as they can make them.

Marshal Pupovich wrote:Sorry Comrades, I must insist on being the sole People's Representative to properly manage this growing endeavor. It's For the Children™ in the end Comrades.

Marshal Pup, I honor your wishes that you properly manage this endeavor but I must offer my services providing raw materials.

I have much to give the party!

Most equal idea, here is something that can replace the vanilla soft serve at McDonalds.

Where's the Kagan Gourmet weighing in on this golden (brown) prospect?!

Marshal Pup,

I really have to hand it to you; this is a brilliant stroke of progilicious genius!

This is one of the most nefarious, most devious of all masterplans I have ever seen to further our glorious Vegan™ cause! Just show those beef-eat'n conservative Rethuglikan-types out there—who refuse to succumb to our New World Vegetarian Order of the Vegan Gaia™—the future of the "beef" industry and what they have to look forward to.

We have tried to convince the "Vegan™ deniers" by wearing togas made of raw meat; by covering ourselves with the blood of pigs and cows; by reciting verses from the fringe-kooks' own "bible" to prove our point that killing and eating dead animals is one of the most sinful, evil, immoral crimes one can possibly commit—even more sinful and immoral than sucking out a partially aborted fetus from the non-mother's womb! To date, nothing has seemed to work to convince these meat-eating knuckle-draggers that humankind was never meant to eat "meat"... except what you have brought forth here with this new discovery.

There is nothing—nothing—more convincing than by introducing this Soylent Brown™ simulated "beef" product to the proletariate, for their mass consumption, to turn them into "believers" of the utopian Vegan™ New World Order!

If it looks like "beef", smells like "beef", cooks like "beef"... it's probably POOP!


Absolutely BRILLIANT!

Comrade Marshal Pupovich

Perhaps you could develop a "Designer Line" of turd burgers.
For example, burgers made exclusively from Papa Obama's waste would no doubt
be the "prime" cut of the new People's Meat.

Indeed, what better way to show our true devotion to Papa Obama than to digest "People's meat" made from his most "holy" waste.

In fact, we could make this mandatory. It would be a new "Peoples' Communion" for Progressives where maybe once a month or even once a week, the masses would be forced to digest of his greatness. It would be a great augment to our "dictatorship of the proletariat"


I can see the masses now all lining up.
No longer would we have to figuratively feed the masses Papa Obama's line of $hit;
we can literally feed them the actual thing.


No better way for the proletariat to learn his true lowly place when compared to Papa Obama and the State.




Papa Obama took his waste, the State purified it, and gave it to masses, and he said, Take, eat: this is my body.

Comrades, we need to promote this health giving food. I propose we use the power of persuasion persuasion of power to force encourage the consumption of this new food source. Through inflation we can make common foodstuffs too expensive to eat, leaving the masses with no other choice.

Like ObamaCare, once the proles have no choice in the matter, they will eventually come to rely on it and even demand more.

Comrade Whoopie wrote:Comrades, we need to promote this health giving food. I propose we use the power of persuasion persuasion of power to force encourage the consumption of this new food source. Through inflation we can make common foodstuffs too expensive to eat, leaving the masses with no other choice.


Like ObamaCare, once the proles have no choice in the matter, they will eventually come to rely on it and even demand more.

Yes comrade!


We could even develop a Cap and Tax plan
Of course we would still need something like "Bourgeois Beef" credits to be sold and traded.
No need for inner party members like Al Gore to have to live under the same rules as the
proletariat.


Sure, we are all equal under our Progressive Utopia; some are just more equal than others

Neotrotsky wrote:Comrade Marshal Pupovich

Perhaps you could develop a "Designer Line" of turd burgers.
For example, burgers made exclusively from Papa Obama's waste would no doubt
be the "prime" cut of the new People's Meat.

Indeed, what better way to show our true devotion to Papa Obama than to digest "People's meat" made from his most "holy" waste.

Most loyal party leader Neo, this sounds like a splendid idea, one that Marshall Pup should seriously consider.

One could only dream of the day we may digest something from he who shall be known from here on out a "Papa Obama: The Peoples Turd"

This is only slightly off-topic but since it is Father's Day and in homage to Comrade Weiner's seppuku and literally falling on his own sword for the collective good, I offer this little anecdotal about the origin of Marshal's Pupovich's discovery. Also I submit this
photo taken while the Marshal was in the process of making this remarkable find.


You know how people are always wondering how certain phrases
came into being, like "Don't shoot till you see the whites
of their eyes" and "Remember the Alamo" and so on.

A lot of people asked me where the saying "You gotta be
shittin me" came from. It so happens I know.

It originated through the Father of our Country way back
when, George Washington was crossing the Delaware River
with his troops. There were 33 [remember this number] packed
into in Washington's boat. It was extremely dark and storming
furiously. The water was tossing them back and forth. Finally
Washington grabbed Corporal Peters [remember this name] and
stationed him at the front of the boat with a lantern. He
ordered him to keep swinging it so they could see where they
were heading.

Corporal Peters stood up braving the wind and driving rain,
swinging the lantern back and forth. A while later a big
gust of wind hit and threw Corporal Peters and his lantern
into the Delaware. Washington and his troops searched for
hours trying to find Corporal Peters but to no avail. All
of them felt terrible for the Corporal had been one of
their favorites.

An hour later Washington and his troops landed on the other
side, wet and totally exhausted. He rallied the troops and
told them they must go on.

An hour later Washington and his men could go no further.
They trudged towards the lights and came upon a huge house
there in the woods.

What they didn't know was this was a house of ill repute
hidden in the forest to serve all who came.

General Washington pounded on the door, his men crowding
around him. The door swung open and the madam looked out
to see Washington and all his men standing there. A huge
smile came across her face to see so many men standing
there.

Washington spoke up, "Mam, I'm General George Washington
and we're tired and exhausted and desperately need warmth
and comfort for a while."

Again the Madam looked at all the men standing there and
with a broad smile on her face said, "Well General, you
have come to the right place. We can surely give you
warmth and comfort. How many men do you have?"

Washington said "Well mam, there are thirty-two of us
without Peters."

Madam said, "You gotta be shittin me !"

PETA and the World's Hungry Rejoice

Marshal Pup I am afraid that Comrade Whoopie has already redistributed your idea.
Exactly 3 hours and one minute after you have made the historic announcement she
has launched her campaign which will eclipse your invention.

PETA you say? You mean that subversive People Eating Tasty Animals eh? Admit it Commrad Vilhelm! I denounce you for enjoying animal flesh! Totally double-plus thought crime especially now that we have my very own ProgoPoopburgers!

As for your timeline, I must confess that I did not see Comrade Whoopie's story that actually did predate mine. However, while she beat me to the story of the invention, I being a true progressive saw the true utility of the creation, For the Children™, and the vast new source of subsidies that would fall into my paws would support the Party and immediately took control over.