I have received word from our office in the People's Republic of China that we are beginning to work on the ability to control whether it rains or not. As a part of their unusual plan to host the hostile competitive games in 2008, the government is working on a system to control rain. Here's the story:
Looks like our rain controlling efforts succeeded.
Of course, it isn't a fail-safe system. They must have not spoken with Commissar Laika recently. I think that the Commissar would know tactics to control the weather.
Then again, we can control the weather, but you just don't know it!
Pushing the "rainmaker" button on my meteorological weather system,
Vladimir Ivanov
Purges Headquarters, Langley, Virginia, USSA
6/5/2006, 3:39 am
Chairman M. S. Punchenko
Ahhh yes, wonderful memories. After leaving the Soviet Union due to that criminal Yeltsin (May he rot in the Gulag forever) I went to the glorious Peoples Republic of China to put my skills to proper use in the Weather Modification Office. There I worked with the greatest minds of the Party in the construction of a device that will dry up dog urine from their bladders and condensate it into the clouds above thus resulting in downpours of dog piss..... It was a complete success and we used the device several times to rain on capitalist oppressor golf tournaments. It was then his excellency the peoples President Jiang Zemin awarded me a cushy Chairmanship and renamed me Meow-Say-Pun..... I was then shipped to the Peoples Commonwealth of Virginia to serve his excellency Grand Marshal Tim Kaine and her excellency H.R.C.... I can still see the faces of angry golfers soaked in the horrific stench of the peoples dog piss.....
I made my career in the Party with the help of dog piss and I can only hope other comrades can make it as far as I have. Nothing is better than seeing that extra punch hole in your ration card comrades, it is a sign of success which is only surpassed by earning the prized green cap of the National Lawyers Guild.
6/6/2006, 9:54 pm
Comrade Otis
Wow, all the exciting things are happening in the Communist countries.
