The People's Cube - Political Satire

I know comrades, you have been questioning what has happened to Marshal Pupovich again? Has he taken yet another vacation? Does he think himself the equal of Comrade Obama and can just take off whenever the going gets tough? If only this was so! There are reasons I could give, and I will explain in just a moment. Mostly it boils down to what I have said in the past - Damn life! Damn life for getting in the way of more important things!

Comrades, as you know, sometimes life just throws you lemons and somehow you just have to manage to make Vodka out of them. This is just what I had to do recently. As you know, the Obama has been forced to valiantly face down the terrorist hobbits of the Tea Party and as you know, forced them to kowtow despite their best efforts and with nary a bit of help from Nancy or Harry. But of course this cut into valuable fund raising efforts and so comrades, I stepped in to do my part to raise funds! But that is when life reared it's ugly head and impeded upon my usual visits here. It was not my fault! As a matter of fact, I was downtown going office to office to intimidate invite the proles to give till it hurts.... and of course, it did hurt when I was finished!

But wouldn't you know it? I was just headed down to the next floor on the escalator when it stopped!! Can you imagine the outrage I felt when my escalator stopped and I had no way to get to my intended floor? Why, I couldn't even go back! I was stranded between floors on this elevator, and not one single person responded to my cries for help! Nor was I alone in this time of distress.

Comrades, I was stuck there for days! With nothing to eat or drink! OK, actually I did have a few bottles of some cheap potato vodka that I was planning on giving to the prole who gave the most, and a few snacks and several sandwiches that er... dropped from the machine on one of the floors I had visited, but other than that, nothing! I can tell you this, I don't know how I will ever get over this! I will clearly need another subsidy to get over this harrowing event, not to mention passing some needed regulations to prevent such an event from ever happening again! At the minimum, we need improved warning signs and instructions for how to safely get off of a disabled escalator, and I think it would not be too much to insist on some sort of emergency backup system to prevent being stranded such as I was. If that is too expensive, then there should at the very least be survival kits installed that contains emergency food and vodka supply.

It was not a total loss though comrades, even if I am still having nightmares about escalators. In the meantime while waiting, I was able to consider a few issues of some importance. Such as this:
Personally, I still have to give Comrade Bill top grade for POTUS.

Then there was this rather interesting tidbit I found:
Man banned from wearing bunny suit! Now I tell you comrades, when I first saw this coming from Idaho, I had to wonder, but this surely sounded like something the Chairman would be up to. We have certainly known the Chairman to be found in many a suspicious situation in the past, though there was no word as to whether the bunny was a Kennedy or not.

Of course I was working hard for the People even while stuck on the escalator, and perhaps I will share more in the near future. But for now, it's time for me to get some well deserved rest.

Marshal, I'm surprised. Didn't you get your free cellphone preloaded with 250 free Obama minutes paid for out of Obama's private stash?? Everyone here in PA has one. Heck, I got three.

Anyway, you shoulda' exercised your new Constitutional right to peace of mind (or was that piece of mind?) whatever, but you could just call the National Park Service and have them send a helicopter to airlift you to safety.

No Comrade Whoopie, I first heard of the free cellphones while I was stuck on the escalator. But that wasn't the problem! I tried to call Emergency Services and they just laughed at me! Imagine that! They refused to believe I was serious. I suppose they had never had an escalator break down or know what to do about the situation we were stuck in. Why, even the building maintenance crew was alerted to our plight, but all they would do is complain how they had to wait for some part to get in. But did they lift a finger to try and find a way to rescue us? NO! Believe me, I intend to sue these insensitive incompetent people for everything they are worth, including the price I have to pay the judges!

As for your suggestion....did you really think the National Park Service have a helicopter that could fly inside the building to airlift stranded people on an escalator? What in the world are you putting in your kool aid?

Marshal Pupovich wrote:did you really think the National Park Service have a helicopter that could fly inside the building to airlift stranded people on an escalator? What in the world are you putting in your kool aid?

George Bush had a fleet of 8 of them. They were black, they technically belonged to Halliburton, kept in a hangar at...

<Excuse me, someone's at the door...>

Tovarichi wrote:George Bush had a fleet of 8 of them. They were black, they technically belonged to Halliburton, kept in a hangar at...

<Excuse me, someone's at the door...>

Comrades, Comrades....

As a Marshal in the People's Republic, I am permitting you to think in this most limited manner. This was not an outside escalator. Even the mini UAV helicopters available to the black suits, are unable to fly inside a building. Now of course, there are model helicopters small enough to do so, but have you any idea how many thousands it would take to air lift us off?

Marshal Pupovich wrote:No Comrade Whoopie, What in the world are you putting in your kool aid?

Just some Mexican vitamin powder that I got from the People's Director (he said he received 2 tons from the FBI in exchange for a few crates of rusty old AK-47s).

The stuff is amazing! Whenever he takes it his mind races and he feverishly creates spellbinding works of art. Sadly, he also tends to get a bit cranky as evidenced by his recent thread in the Current Truth "If Politicians Told The Truth."

(Even so, we do love him dearly)

Marshall, your plight brought tears to the rheumy eyes of this Old Made Prog. How horrible to have to stand on an escalator until rescued. Horrible. Just dreadful.

Americans who have to use escalators ought to have hazard pay and be allowed to retire early. The Greeks with hazardous jobs retire with full pension at 50--hair-burners because of the chemicals; news-readers because the mikes might have germs on them.

You ought to have gotten triple time while stranded on that escalator.

Father Prog Theocritus wrote:Marshall, your plight brought tears to the rheumy eyes of this Old Made Prog. How horrible to have to stand on an escalator until rescued. Horrible. Just dreadful.

Father Theocritus, thanks for your true progressive support. I know I am a bit late getting back to you, but as you can imagine, I have had to put in some time with the People's Psychiatrist to help me to deal with this stressful episode. Praise Stalin for the free therapy, even if it did take a rather long wait, and I wonder if the assigned People's Psychiatrist was the most qualified. He never let me see his diploma, said it was still in the moving boxes. But still I am quite satisfied Comrade! For after he examined me in every way one would imagine possible outside a re-education camp, he led me into some regression therapy that really helped!

For many years I was scared to ride an escalator for the same reason most children are....the bottom people eating grill! Of course, this is what I am referring to:

Marshall, I fail to see why you fear Nanski. I'm the one who had his upholstery shredded by her velociraptor claws, but then I was used to it from the assaults of your talent-shitting pigeons and the nano Jimmy Carter rabbits hissing "Nuclar! Nuclar!" I WILL get you for this, I swear by Hitler. Or Obama. No, Hitler. He had balls. This is not to equate the two of course; Hitler never did community organizing and Obama has never murdered people by intention. I would never accuse him of that. People dying by policy is another thing.

Nanski is merely a harmless old grandmother who bakes. Admittedly she bakes poison cookies for the nation, but she at least bakes. But why fear that? As progs, we lust to humble America, which has the effrontery to think that it's special. More than we are.

And that's just bullshit. The Big Bang had to ask me for permission. Because I'm Father Prog Theocritus.