3/25/2012, 9:15 pm
CARGO CULTS - BRINGING ECONOMIC POLICY INTO THE 21ST CENTURY!
Once dismissed by Western thinkers as the silly superstition of backward people, Cargo Cult practices have revived the nation's economic fortunes and will pave the way to the World of Next Tuesday!
-by Manny Phoolish-Tearies, PhD
Once dismissed by Western thinkers as the silly superstition of backward people, Cargo Cult practices have revived the nation's economic fortunes and will pave the way to the World of Next Tuesday!
-by Manny Phoolish-Tearies, PhD
Wikipedia wrote: A cargo cult is a religious practice that has appeared in many traditional pre-industrial tribal societies in the wake of interaction with technologically advanced cultures. The cults focus on obtaining the material wealth (the "cargo") of the advanced culture through magic and religious rituals and practices. Cult members believe that the wealth was intended for them by their deities and ancestors. Cargo cults developed primarily in remote parts of New Guinea and other Melanesian and Micronesian societies in the southwest Pacific Ocean, beginning with the first significant arrivals of Westerners in the 19th century. Similar behaviors have, however, also appeared elsewhere in the world.
The most famous example of Cargo Cult practice was brought home by Allied soldiers returning home from the South Pacific after World War II. As the Allied armies headed west toward Japan, many remote islands were pressed into service as bases for forward operations. Landing strips, control towers and other structures were constructed in order to allow huge cargo planes to land. Indigenous tribes who inhabited the islands watched in amazement as the large winged machines touched down and unloaded food, drink and other commodities as well as war materiel, then departed again. Often the troops would share their bounty with the indigenous people in an effort to establish friendly relationships with them
After the war ended, the servicemen returned home, the flow of goods by air to the bases stopped and the bases were dismantled. The indigenous peoples missed the articles given to them by the military, and wished the flow to resume. In order to bring this about, they constructed structures similar to those they had seen built by the armed forces and began to mimic the actions performed by the airmen when a plane landed. It was not unusual to see a native tribesman standing in an open field and waving flag-like apperatus at the sky like an airman would when "waving in" an incoming cargo plane. The natives hoped to attract a large bird bearing gifts just as the Allied servicemen had done during the war.
Sophisticated westerners laughed at this native naivete for thinking that going thru the same motions as the servicemen would bring the same benefits.
But not anymore.
In the latter half of the 20th century, super-intelligent Party scientists and economists noticed that in America, comrades with college diplomas made more money and were more successful than those who did not posess one. Just as significantly, comrades who owned homes had more stable families, were better off economically and socially and were better workers and citizens than those who did not. Why the discrepancy in outcomes?
Gradually, a flash of brilliance came upon elite policy-makers; what if we simply give everyone a college diploma and a house? Wouldn't that make everyone more successful economically and socially? The native wisdom of the Cargo Cult had been re-discovered!
Party leaders set about thru various incentives to implement this brilliant plan. High schools were ordered to direct all students toward college attendance regardless of interest or academic ability. Non-college career paths were discouraged by cultural pressure and low-quality technical schools were harassed out of business. Billions of dollars were made available for non-forgiveable student loans so that anyone and everyone could afford to attend. Exciting new courses of study, such as Transgender Pre-revolutionary Puppet-Making and Victim Studies, were opened up so that every student would be able to find a path to get the necessary piece of paper.
On the housing front, new initiatives such as the Community Reinvenstment Act would force evil, greedy banks to give housing money to all who needed it. Mortgage lenders were strongly encourged to lend any amount of money to anyone who had a pulse for low interest rates. Innovative new products such as "interest only" and "negative amortization" mortgages made high-priced properties once available to only the wealthy accessable to the marginally employed. All of these loans were package up into secure, treasury bond-like investment vehicles by noble quasi-governmental agencies Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac, then sold to eager purchasers all over the world.
The results have been spectacular! Home ownership rates shot up, college attendance is at all time highs, the economy has never been better and utopia is within our grasp, all thanks to the once reviled wisdom of the Cargo Cultists!
The future is even brighter, thanks to new Party Cargo-Cult inspired initiatives.
(continued on page 90.)
