The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades, Comradettes, Fellow Travelers, on this headiest of holidays, let us take a moment to ponder the true gutsiness of our Dear Leader, His Obamaness, the great warrior and the Man Who Killed Osama bin Laden.

Our beloved MWKOBL took some exceptional risks in bringing off this great moment in public relations, from the moment he left the golf course to the instant he lay his mighty head to sleep that night.

Consider the hazards of navigating the treacherous route from the back nine to the clubhouse WITHOUT playing the back nine. By leaving the course unfinished and taking a direct route to the clubhouse, he could have become disoriented and gotten lost in a sand trap, or worse, a water hazard. Had it not been for his calm demeanor in crisis, his Secret Service detail might have panicked and stampeded. Fortunately, his uncanny sense of direction allowed them to make their way back to the clubhouse and waiting limo without having to call an escort service. Deciding to curtail the game and strike out overland for the clubhouse?

Gutsy Call.

But what about that ride back to the White House? Sure, it was in a seven-ton, armored limosine that could shrug off a hit from a 155 mm AP round, but what if there had been a wasp in the car? Those Protestants can be vicious! Or what if the AC conked out, leaving the MWKOBL to face the ravages of corporate-created global warming? Being willing to even set fanny in this rolling deathtrap?

Gutsy Call.

Then we get to the real stress point: pondering the "go" order itself. Can you imagine the quandry? Here was an act that would undoubtedly appeal to the bitter clingers of flyover country, possibly inducing them to forget their intrinsic racism (which could be the only possible reason they opposed the MWKOBL in the last election) just long enough to cast a correct vote in the next election...but was it worth the risks?

What if Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, or Neal Boortz congratulated him or spun the operation in a positive light? That might alienate and confuse his political base, as it is well-known that these men never tell the truth. Ever.

Gutsy Call to go ahead anyway.

What if the SEaLs screwed up and actually captured him alive? How could the promise to close Guantanamo Bay be conviniently ignored (as it had been for over two years) if such a high profile person was sent there?

Gutsy Call to go ahead anyway.

What if the News Media got overexcited and with the heat of the moment and gave all the credit to the SEaLs on the ground and the support echelons who planned and facilitated the operation? Despite the fact that this probably would not happen...

Gutsy Call to go ahead anyway.

What if the targeting of bin Laden ruined the era of perfect peace and understanding that had characterized the relations between the United States and the Muslim world from the moment His Obamaness graciously deigned to step down to accept the office of President?

Gutsy Call to go ahead anyway.

What if He got a paper cut handling the memo Admiral McRaven handed him when he entered the Operations Room?

Gutsy Call to go ahead anyway.

I think we can all agree that the MWKOBL is a true man among men, paradigm of gutsy decision making, and, well dammit, just the gutsiest gutsy guy who ever lived!

One other reason to not capture him alive was the danger of him confirming and otherwise irrefutably proving, that a) 9/11 was really his project; b) Bushitler really did not have any prior knowledge; and c) there was no agreement, that Osama's relatives would be allowed out of US to escape the rightful vengeance of Michael Moore-led vigilantes.

Just imagine, what this news would've done to Obama's staunchest allies!

Sorry for the cross-post - but this glorious photo of our Commander in Chief in action soooo belongs here!

Is it tacky for Barack Obama to demand and collect the reward for capturing Osama bin Laden? I think it is basic fairness.

Comrades, if my People's Math™ is correct, then the first of November will mark the year-and-a-half anniversary of Obama's Gutsy Call!

What's the word for that? Sesquiannual?

Whatever. My point is that the Sesquiannual of Obama's Gutsy Call™ should absolutely be celebrated with even more fanfare and ballyhooey because it is so close to Election Day! The masses will surely appreciate the reminder of His Greatness and His Gutsiness!

But even more importantly--so will he.

Pinkie, I might vote for sesquennial. Although there's little to choose between the two.

Yes, we should have a party close to election day. By that time Mattel can have out G.I. Jobamas. We can get Disney's Animatronics Division to do a proxy Obama just like the exhibitions at Epcot Center. Oh, hell, throw out the Lincoln and put Barry O up there. As every hovel in North Korea has a speaker telling of Dear Leader's exploits (round of golf, 15 under par et al), every corner of Disneyworld will have speakers playing Obama's speeches.

Those iMax theaters? Require people to sit through all the speeches that Dear Obama made about how gutsy he is.

But soft! We will not know if Lord O really is gutsy until he gets between Moochelle and a tamale. He has often said that you don't want to be between her and a tamale. I would think that you wouldn't want to be between her and, well, anything. Of course that means that you get a shot of her keister, but that, believe it or not, is not the dangerous end.

I know that from my experiences at the Rancho with our Dear Many Titted Empress. Even her ass isn't the dangerous end.

I just posted on the Cube's Facebook:

Breaking news: one year later, Bin Laden still dead

Someone named Blair Warren responded:

Three plus years later, US economy still dead.
PS. What's the difference between Bin Laden and the US economy? Bin Laden had a chance.

You realize of course that there will have to be an emergency meeting of the Nobel committees to award Citizen Zero his second Nobel, to make sure that he is reelected.

Say in physics and medicine. We can all have speakers put in our houses, as there are in North Korea, which will intone Citizen Zero's accomplishments. "President Obama played 18 holes of golf and was 38 below par!"

"President Obama discovers perpetual-motion machine!" In fact it's the Chicago Democrat voter-fraud mob, but it qualifies.

Comrades,

We have problems. I've already told Carney to tell Brian Williams to immediately counter this propaganda by "Veterans for a Strong America" seeking to deny me credit for my heroism in interrupting a great game of golf to watch that National Geographic "Getting Bin Laden" video-game in the Video Situation Room:



We need to stop this sensless worshiping of military personnel rather than our courageous political leaders.

--Fearless Leader

We need some Peoples Karaoke to celebrate the glorious anniversary of Dear Leader killing Osama
Ahem
The man who shot, Osama Bin Laden, he shot Osama Bin Laden, he was the bravest of them all.

♪ It was the niiiiiight they shot Osama down
And all the bells were ringin'
Was the niiiiiiight Obama came to town
And all the people were singin'

They sang - "O - O O O O O - O - O O O O O" ♫

Of course what we need is a cult of personality. What's wrong with North Korea as a model? Every American house with a speaker which 24/7 announces the glories of Dear Oleader sounds right to me.

Fearless Leader, I know your heart is in the right place, but you forget that perception is reality. Unemployment is not good but it will be spun that way. It doesn't matter what the military does; it's only important to extoll what WE do.

We can shift and dodge, and worship ourselves in the mirror, while blaming our failure on the decreasing number of white, straight males. And then if we use enough Jiffy Lobo, we won't be surprised when the rest of the world, the bits that we nurtured at the expense of the others, eat us.

You know what I find the mostest gutsiest about Dear Leader in this whole Bin Laden affair? Over a year since he shot him, Barack Obama still hasn't apologized for it yet! Now, that's gusty gutsy.

He's waiting to bow to the Saudi King again. Perhaps get on his knees. Prone would be better. Oh hell, show his soft underbelly as he apologizes. Much more sincere and much worse for America.

Where can I get a G.I. Jobama?! And will it have kung fu grip action?
I want a G.I. Jobama NOW , Daddy!!!

LnT, please note that there is 110% chance (arithmetic done by Joe Biden and checked by Bob Bechel) that a G. I. Jobama will turn into a G. I. Yo Mama.

The grip is really more like that of a lamprey eel, and it starts on your wallet.