5/15/2012, 3:35 pm
Comrades, as we all know, Dear Leader Obama has more accomplishments than he can shake his big stick at. Unfortunately, a media hostile to this president has embargoed any information regarding his great and wondrous works, leaving the masses in the dark as to the nature of the magnificent leader they have been gifted with.
But now there is finally good news. The Inner Party has devised a way to get around this news blackout and inform the public of what The One's genius has produced:
Comrades, we must all stop shovelling and harvesting the communal beets temporarily and help uncover more of Dear Leader's accomplishments and imbed them in fortune cookies, the bottom of tea cups, milk cartons, etc, etc - places like whitehouse.gov where the media will not be able to censor them and the public can see them. I have thought up a few but I am sure there are millions more...
- Thomas Edison discovered the principle of alternating current (AC). President Obama is the first metrosexual/gay president (AC/DC.)
- Henry Ford enslaved the workers and forced them to produce automobiles which burn evil gasoline. President Obama freed the workers of GM and allowed them to create the superior Chevy Volt which just burns.
- Hippocrates created the Hypocrite's oath which requires doctors to perform needless surgeries so they can buy luxury cars and large homes. President Obama created the Independent Patient Advisory Board which prevents doctors from doing this and gives patients pain pills instead.
- The Supreme Court invalidated Campaign Finance Reform, which allowed fat cats and big corporations to steal elections from the masses. President Obama invalided credit card address verification for contributions to his campaign, allowing the masses to steal them back.
Fellow 99-percenters, we must celebrate President Obama's accomplishments on our behlaf just as we celebrate Comrade Warren's 1/32 Cherokee Heritage! Get out there and get in the faces of your friends, neighbors and confidential informants and confront them with "Did you know President Obama...." (oh, and please have some brilliant factoid ready to insert in your sentence in place of the "..." or you will look like Chris Matthews Sarah Palin playing Jeopardy.)
Thank you.
But now there is finally good news. The Inner Party has devised a way to get around this news blackout and inform the public of what The One's genius has produced:
The Heritage Foundation's Rory Cooper tweeted that Obama had casually dropped his own name into Ronald Reagan's official biography on https://www.whitehouse.gov, claiming credit for taking up the mantle of Reagan's tax reform advocacy with his “Buffett Rule” gimmick. My first thought was, he must be joking. But he wasn't— it turns out Obama has added bullet points bragging about his own accomplishments to the biographical sketches of every single U.S. president since Calvin Coolidge (except, for some reason, Gerald Ford). Here are a few examples:
*On Feb. 22, 1924 Calvin Coolidge became the first president to make a public radio address to the American people. President Coolidge later helped create the Federal Radio Commission, which has now evolved to become the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). President Obama became the first president to hold virtual gatherings and town halls using Twitter, Facebook, Google+, LinkedIn.
*President Lyndon Johnson signed Medicare signed (sic) into law in 1965—providing millions of elderly healthcare stability. President Obama's historic health care reform law, the Affordable Care Act, strengthens Medicare, offers eligible seniors a range of preventive services with no cost-sharing, and provides discounts on drugs when in the coverage gap known as the “donut hole.”
*In a June 28, 1985 speech Reagan called for a fairer tax code, one where a multi-millionaire did not have a lower tax rate than his secretary. Today, President Obama is calling for the same with the Buffett Rule.
Source: Contentions
Comrades, we must all stop shovelling and harvesting the communal beets temporarily and help uncover more of Dear Leader's accomplishments and imbed them in fortune cookies, the bottom of tea cups, milk cartons, etc, etc - places like whitehouse.gov where the media will not be able to censor them and the public can see them. I have thought up a few but I am sure there are millions more...
- Thomas Edison discovered the principle of alternating current (AC). President Obama is the first metrosexual/gay president (AC/DC.)
- Henry Ford enslaved the workers and forced them to produce automobiles which burn evil gasoline. President Obama freed the workers of GM and allowed them to create the superior Chevy Volt which just burns.
- Hippocrates created the Hypocrite's oath which requires doctors to perform needless surgeries so they can buy luxury cars and large homes. President Obama created the Independent Patient Advisory Board which prevents doctors from doing this and gives patients pain pills instead.
- The Supreme Court invalidated Campaign Finance Reform, which allowed fat cats and big corporations to steal elections from the masses. President Obama invalided credit card address verification for contributions to his campaign, allowing the masses to steal them back.
Fellow 99-percenters, we must celebrate President Obama's accomplishments on our behlaf just as we celebrate Comrade Warren's 1/32 Cherokee Heritage! Get out there and get in the faces of your friends, neighbors and confidential informants and confront them with "Did you know President Obama...." (oh, and please have some brilliant factoid ready to insert in your sentence in place of the "..." or you will look like Chris Matthews Sarah Palin playing Jeopardy.)
Thank you.
