The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades! It is my sad duty to inform you that Comrade Tommi Trudeau has committed the crime of visiting a decadent bourgeois ice cream shop and, while there, evacuating himself, thus exceeding the Party-approved quota of toilet time and wasting more water and bathroom tissue than the ration allotted to a comrade of his stature, acting as if he was a Party official (who can evacuate themselves whenever, wherever, and on whomever they find necessary for the Greater Good™).

As a result, for overstepping his rank, impersonating a Party higher-up, wasting an unfair share of people's resources, and exhibiting a decadent culinary weakness, Comrade Trudeau has been stripped of the title "Comrade" and shipped to a re-educational facility, also known as Arctic Resort of Corrective Labor Named After Dear Chairman. Please refer to him, henceforth, as "Citizen Trudeau" until he redeems himself in the eyes of the Party and the people through selfless and utterly useless, sacrificial hard labor, by shoveling 187,000 metric tons of permafrost with a recycled aluminum spoon.

EMBEDDED VIDEO NO LONGER AVAILABLE

Not to worry - I suspect that Dear Leader will pardon him when he leaves office in 2044.

I call dibs on Tommi's vodka rations.

Citizen Trudeau,

May your video greeting serve as a dire warning a glorious motivational tool to keep the kollektive in lockstep with the Party line. Spend your time there productively, shoveling permafrost for the glory of the Party and its heroic leadership! We expect a full report in triplicate form, documenting your evaporating humanity progress.

I myself miss the invigorating hard labor in the icy, low-pressure air of the tundra. I especially enjoyed a cup of tea at the end of the Polar Day (in the tundra "end of the Polar Day" means autumn). That cup of tea often lacked sugar, tea leaves, hot water, and sometimes the cup; but if I filled my mouth with snow and waited a meager half hour for it to melt, I could imagine drinking delicious #35 Black Tea from Packaging Factory #86 Named After Dear Chairman. The wardens made sure the snow was yellow just for that extra zing. I have only good things to say about the wardens; they always told me what to think and what snow to put in my mouth, so I didn't have to risk making independent decisions.

We were digging a canal from the Arctic to nowhere a classified location, for the glorious people's ships to bring more comrades to dig the canal at even more remote Arctic Resorts. We saw the ships during the month of July only; for the rest of the year the canal stayed frozen. We dug enthusiastically for 16 hours a day because we knew it was an important shovel-ready project that could improve Dear Leader's unemployment statistics.

The wardens separated us into two groups: the ones who told jokes about Dear Chairman were assigned to dig the left bank; those who listened to the jokes dug on the right. I dug square in the middle, where the water was, because I had been denounced as both a listener and a teller.

All good things come to an end; unfortunately, so will your re-education. It is gratifying to see that your faith in the Party and in the Chairman remains unshaken, although the amount of conspicuous self-criticism seems insufficient. Apparently, the Party still needs to keep a watchful eye on you, Trudeau.

Keep your proletarian shovel in good repair, citizen!

Collectively yours,
Comrade Red Square

The Glazov Gangsters issue official comments on the Tommi Trudeau debacle.

It begins at minute 8:32.

I thought it was springtime in the arctic? Damn that George Bush Scott Walker.

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Not to worry - I suspect that Dear Leader will pardon him when he leaves office in 2044.

2044?
Although no merely evolved creature can possibly predict the year of the One's Glorious Ascension, I do concur Comrade Rock. Due to his wildly successful "Kiss the Chairman" campaign - I do believe the Chairman has a soft spot for Citizen Trudeau and will command the Party to grant leniency sometime in the coming decades along with some small creature comforts from time to time.

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:Not to worry - I suspect that Dear Leader will pardon him when he leaves office in 2044.

Just look at that cute little dog or badger or whatever the hell it is endangered polar bear that would have died from Bush global warming if Tommi hadn't rescued it. Certainly a pardon is in order!

comrade crash&burn wrote:Certainly a pardon is in order!

Comrade, in light of the massive fundraising being generated since "Kiss the CHAIRMAN" ™ has become the rage of the Occupied Lands, I see a pardon in Timmi's future as well.