The People's Cube - Political Satire

Now that the greatest change in American healthcare is about to take place, run by the people who know most about what's good for all Americans (us, of course), we can take a breath and admire our Leader's creation before going on to the next 5 Year Plan.

But we mustn't drop our shovels too soon.

Dear Leader needs all of our help in out-collecting, and out-spending, the Rethuglikkan vandals who are gathering en masse outside the palace--er, White House gates. But now we've learned a new way to collect money: the individual manadate!

You can call it a tax, you can call it a penalty, it doesn't matter. It's money we have the power to wrest from the proletariat so that we can given it back to them in the form of first-class services! Plus bureaucracy. Plus waiting lines. Minus dignity. Oh, and minus the first-class part.

Comrades! How many ways can we both encourage good habits (eating well, not working too hard, not hurting feelings, etc) and get money by charging penalties/taxes from the non-conformist?

Here are a few ideas:

1) Individual Energy Mandate: a $1,000 charge for each individual who doesn't buy an electric car; a 10,000 dollar charge per year for each family without solar or wind energy in their home.

2) Individual Sustainability Mandate: a $500 charge for those who do not plant their own garden (for apartment dwelllers, say, a $100 charge for each window box they COULD have used that they don't)

3) Individual Sustainability Tax, The Next Generation: $1000 charge per year per person for not believing in global warming


4)Individual "Informed" Mandate: $1000 for anyone caught not watching MSNBC for more than 12 hours at a time

5) Individual Freedom From Religion: $1000 fee for anyone quoting anything from the Bible, Talmud, Koran, or any religious prophet that doesn't fit with Dear Leaders opinions about morals

6) Individual White Protestant Male Mandate: $1000 mandate per year for each white protestant male, for as long as they stubbornly refuse to be not white, not protestant and not male

I have some more!

1) Individual Overweight Mandate: $1000 for every pound overweight, as determined by Kommissar Sebilius,

2) Individual Underweight Mandate: $1000 for every pound underweight, as determined by Kommissar Sebilius

3) Individual Normal Weight Mandate: $500 dollars for being perfectly fit and making everyone else feel bad (even if they should feel bad)

4) Individual Small Gulp Mandate: $100 for every Big Gulp drank, $10,000 if in front of Comrade Bloomburg

5) Individual Campaign Tribute Mandate: $2,000 for not already giving $2,000 to Dear Leader's campaign.

6) Individual Guilt Mandate: $10,000 for not feeling guilty about something.

7) Individual Made-Up Mandate Limit Mandate: Automatic denouncement and $1,000 for thinking of more mandates than the original poster.

Here's one:

The mandate waiver mandate. Exact extent of the mandate waiver mandate and cost to be determined on a case by case basis.

I find such mandatory penalizing taxing. Money is worthless. You can trade ammunition, eat beets and make vodka, and anything else of interest is rationed.

Tovarichi wrote:I find such mandatory penalizing taxing. Money is worthless. You can trade ammunition, eat beets and make vodka, and anything else of interest is rationed.

Everything having to do with beets is mandatory. Everything not having to do with beets is forbidden!

How's about the Leaving All Citizens Alone To Live Their Lives As They
Wish Act = $500,000,000,000 (500 trill!) mandate! Yeah! That'll work!

America will be mine! Yes!

Don't be fooled by the name! It's just the opposite! A tax on all liberty!
Everywhere

Yeah, that's the ticket!