The People's Cube - Political Satire

Comrades, I must admit we in the inner Party have been somewhat baffled by Dear Leader's lagging fundraising totals vis-a-vis Bain Romney. Of course, Romney has hordes of evil bankers and other fat cats in his pocket while we only have middle class people like George Soros and Warren Buffett. But in spite of the Rethuglican's advantage, we thought we would be able to keep pace with him by dint of our massive network of small contributors, the little people who would send in $3 to win a chance at smelling Barack's dirty underwear or $40,000 to join him for a snack at Anna Wintour's house.

But it didn't seem to be working. In spite of rambling, heartfelt emails from VP Joe Biden as well as the First Lady herself, we had been falling further and further behind. And we couldn't understand the problem... could it be that we spend so much more than we take in? Nah, we do that with the national budget and it works like a charm. The private sector is doing fine. Our plan worked! Could it be that the voters don't love us as much as they once did? Nah, the polls show that Dear Leader's approval and likability ratings are high, much higher than Jimmy Carter's, so that can't be it. Well, WHAT then?
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At last, we have hit upon the answer and, as befitting his hyper-genius 11-dimensional-chess reputation, President Obama himself figured it out. The adoring masses simply didn't know how to contribute to the campaign! Like the intercontinental railroad, green energy investments, successful businesses and other things they didn't build, the public simply needed help and guidance from the government in order to know what to do! Simple as that! We should all feel extremely foolish for not realizing this earlier! After all, we are the caring, compassionate Party that understands the great unwashed are helpless without us and there wouldn't even be a United States of Amerikka if the Party hadn't led the way.

Anway, now that he has a handle on the problem, Dear Leader has come up with the perfect solution: an instructional video on how to donate to his campaign! Can't you see the genius of it? Ignorant bitter clingers who spend all day working in the beet fields don't know how to use the internet to make unverified credit card campaign donations so we're gonna put out a video on the internet to instruct them! It's like teaching someone to drive a car by giving him the car keys and telling him to drive to the driving school! Brilliant!

And now, for your edification, here is the video in all it's simplistic glory. I call your attention to his uplifting words... he really cares about this campaign and believes in what this administration is doing! That should quell any doubts anyone might have had about giving, right? I mean, it doesn't matter if the results suck or not as long as he cares, that's the important thing!

And like the president said, we depend on small checks, $5, $10, $40,000, etc. We don't get the massive checks the other side gets. We fundraise in all the poverty-stricken areas of the country like Marin County and Hollywood in California and the Upper West Side of NYC. Hey, ya know a lot of cities in California are going bankrupt these days, thanks to the favor-the-rich policies of one-percenters like Bush and Romney. These struggling people are counting on us to help them out and I can state categorically that Barack Obama would rather go five-over-par on all eighteen holes than let them down.

OK, enough of my rambling. Enjoy the video. Feel the love as he types in his name, his employer "United States of Amerikka" and his occupation "president." Chris Matthews' leg is gonna be wet tonight. Yours too, I bet!

I thank you for this instructions as to how to ensure my money reaches Fearless Leader's Campaign, as well as any Wedding/Birthday/Un-Birthday/Chanukah/Christmas/Ramada/Random Gifts For Spouse/Paychecks/Tax Refunds/Lottery Winnings/Change Found on the Street.

I will cherish these precious 2 minutes and 1 second from the smartest man ever to Ascend into office for all my days.

Now if you excuse me, I must change my pants.

I'm relieved to know the Leader of the Free World didn't dare do this without first getting Michelle's permission. I only wonder how many times he had to ask Valerie for hers?

What's wrong with that? It's only logical that Obama leads by example by donating to himself. Isn't the whole idea of Keynesian tax-and-spend theory based on the same principle? We donate to ourselves, then we win and improve the system so that we could keep donating to ourselves more effectively. This way we just keep winning and keep improving the system until everyone donates their fair share, whether they like it or not, so that we can keep winning and donating to ourselves.

With this advanced economic method we will eventually donate ourselves into prosperity!

At some point in the future, of course, we'll be able to stop donating to ourselves, and only have others donating their fair share to us.

This is wonderful! As soon as I tap back into into the "Peoples Electric Service" ™ I'll fire up the ol' TRS80 and get edumukated right away. My check came today, it is the 1st, so I'll gladly give Dear Leader back $3 for all he does for me. Anyone have an spare floppy so I can save these memories?

One thing he left out of the video, the fact that they need to use a credit card.

The People's Cube has received thousands of emails today from you commies. Obama just types in his name and occupation and clicks the donate button. Thousands of you damn commies have been flummoxed and written in that there is more to the donation process than that. It isn't as easy as clicking the donate button. Obama left out the steps that come after that.

The Obama campaign needs to get with the times. There's a depression going on. Credit cards are out. They need to make it real easy. Aren't they now accepting EBT cards for donation payments? He ought to show how easy it is to click the EBT card donation option, show them where their EBT number is located on their EBT card, and explain to them how to type numbers.

And another suggestion. That damn video needs a soundtrack:

"Suicide is painless
It brings on many changes
And I can take or leave it
if I need..."