The People's Cube - Political Satire

Fellow Party Members,

I have been watching the unfolding Chick-Fil-A controversy in the USSA with some concern.

I have been trying to explain to my comrades here why it is that the owner of this reactionary enterprise was permitted an opinion in the first place. Even the most elementary policy documents indicate that in the progressive miracle that is multiculturalism every religion must be tolerated and promoted except for Christianity and every racial group should induldge in collective self-congratulations except for caucasians.

Therefore that this non-person even had time to express heretical views when he should have instead been campaigning to increase his taxes for the greater benefit of the government that built Chick-Fil-A, while simultaneously sawing his guns in half to make his liberal patrons safer, is surpassingly strange.
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In addition, I am wondering when someone in our Party will be brave, visionary, and forthright enough to denounce heterosexuality for what it is - discrimination.

It is a fact that heterosexuals selectively and systematically discriminate against members of the same sex when it comes to choosing their relationship partners. Frequently members of the same sex are not even offered an interview and an opportunity to pitch for the position. Instead, extreme bias is applied in the selection of mates from the opposite sex.

There are several consequences of this according to doctrine:

1. Females who practise this discrimination should automatically sacrifice any moral authority which they previously enjoyed as representatives of the universally oppressed female gender collective.

2. Females who are discriminated against in this way should have their moral authority score cubed as they are now discriminated against TWICE for being female, and once for being non-heterosexual (I will leave it to you to decide which current member of the adminstration would legitimately assume President For Life of the USSA status the moment this situation is acknowledged) .

In other words, heterosexuality is a straightforward hate crime against homosexuals.

In order to correct this, single heterosexuals should be subjected to watching mainstream television for several hours a day along with compulsory voluntary enlistment in an affirmative action campaign whereby every homosexual within a twenty mile radius should have an opportunity to pitch to them for the position of partner, and failure to accept one of these applications should be subject to a fine and/or imprisonment.

Of course, to fulfil multiple progressive agendas it would be most effective to identify heterosexuals in the womb and then abort them (using the taxes of their heterosexual parents) - claiming simultaneous victories for non-discrimination and female reproductive
freedom.

To see how out of control the Western provinces of the Party have become, please view this link which shows that the sexual education materials provided to 5 year olds continue to push a heterosexual, heteronormative agenda, even though they do embrace the correct perspective on multicultralism.

I invite you to write to your nearest senator and Hollywood director and request that this be added to their agenda immediately.

Heterosexuality is one of the creepiest things known to man. It should be completely outlawed for everyone except the high-ranking Party members like myself. The rest of the humanity must be collectively punished for its dark heteronormative past by converting to a total homonormativity.

HETEROCRIMINAL

Homonormativity Enforcement Commissar: "Have sex with me right now or I'll have to shoot you for being a hateful heteronormative criminal"

Dangerous territory, Komrades, but brilliant thought patterns expressed brilliantly, as always! The Obamanation will be greatly enriched by your astute leadership as it marches ever onward to extinction! Qa'Pla!

Red Square wrote:Heterosexuality is one of the creepiest things known to man. It should be completely outlawed for everyone except the high-ranking Party members like myself. The rest of the humanity must be collectively punished for its dark heteronormative past by converting to a total homonormativity.

Gay_Kiss_Chic-fil-a.jpg

A Trifecta, Peach shakes, Love (anal) beads, and wood. The true reward for the homonormativity collective. No need to bend over for harvesting the beet and potato crops

Komrades we must remain extremely vigilant as next Tuesday comes ever closer and the diabolical forces of individualist imperialism seek to thwart our plans.

The truth is that heteronormative discrimination only scratches the surface of the pervasive inequality that reactionaries are getting away with propagating in their perverted heteronormative 'relationships'. For example:

1. Heterosexuals show bias in selection of mates from their own class
2. Heterosexuals show bias in selection of mates from their own religious/cultural group
3. Heterosexuals show bias in selection of mates from their own racial group
4. Male heterosexuals show bias in selection of mates who are 'attractive'
5. Female heterosexuals show bias in selection of mates who are 'financially stable'
6. Adults show bias in selection of mates who are also adults - leaving children out in the cold

Where can we ever begin to solve this?

We need a massive campaign of affirmative action to repair the deep schisms in society.

I am thinking of a cultural exchange that will see heterosexual men and women undergo compuslory voluntary pairing with pre-pubescent members of the same sex from different countries. If the person is ugly, then they shall be paired with someone attractive, rich shall be paired with poor, Muslim shall be paired with Hindu, Senegalese with Inuit.

If we are determined in our endeavours we can fulfil so many agendas that we may finally succeed in wiping out our species achieving full equality for ever and returning our planet to its natural state of deep, profound, utterly spontaneous, Marxist-Leninist order.