The People's Cube - Political Satire

First the Republicans clubbed us women over the head and dragged us off by the hair, only to keep us in caves while they went off to kill woolly mammoths. And then they expected us to skin the damn things, clean them, filet them, smoke them, and cook them for dinner. If we were lucky, the Republican Neanderthal would let us keep a swatch of fur off the woolly mammoth's butt to cover ourselves with, but barely. Meanwhile, the cave stank of woolly mammoth all year round.

Then they locked us in chastity belts while they galloped off to the Byzantine Empire to wage war with the Religion of Peace and steal their stuff. They took away the keys and, Republican-like, drove the Old World into a ditch. Instead of backing it out, they just left it there in a crumpled mess and with corporate backing from Big Silk and Big Spice, they went out to invade and overrun a New World, and guess what? They drove that into the ditch, too!

And of course, they took away our shoes and relegated us to the kitchen to bake cookies and never come out except to bring them a beer.

Now the Republicans, led by Mitt Romney, want to keep us women in binders.

Yes, Mitt Romney wants to bind up women. That's what binders do, right? Binders bind.

Do you see where I'm going with this? (And yes, I am going somewhere with this.) What is the past tense of bind? Bound! Romney wants women bound—just as Joe Biden predicted—in chains! The bounder is bound to bind us in chains—or maybe just binders—and turn us into old-timey Mormon polygamous sex slaves.

“Bring me women!” Romney said, and lo, by his own admission, they brought him women. In binders. Binders full of women! He was ec Now he brags about it!

Comrades, this is so much worse than Seamus the Dog, or the 47% remark, or even the non-existent tax returns. And that's why I don't think we should discuss anything else except Romney wanting to punch three holes in every woman and stick her in a binder.

Therefore, I call for an immediate change to The Current Truth™ : Henceforth, all women will trade in their pink vagina costumes for giant three ring binders. Then we'll march wherever there's a Romney rally, where we'll open our binders wide to raise everyone's awareness of what Romney wants to do with women.

Who's with me? Who will raise awareness? But perhaps the most important question of all concerning the issue of Romney wanting binders full of women is this:

WHO CARES?

Commissarka Pinkie is a regular contributor to The People's Cube, and is renowned and admired by the masses for her dedication to raising awareness of how much she cares. When she isn't busy making an issue out of everything, she enjoys spending other people's money, occupying other people's property, beating proles senseless with her shovel, and digging long ditches on the beach at sunset.

Dearest (and, frankly, only) Commissarka - *I* care!

Although I do confess to liking freshly baked cookies. And beer. Dunno about wooly mammoths; just no experience in that realm.

But that being said, yeah, I'm with you - NO MORE WOMYN IN BINDERS! And hey, if some womyn DO want to be bound, well, there's always the ubiquitous burkha, which can be a fashion statement in its own right. I do confess to frequently wondering if the womyn wearing them in the middle east and elsewhere have anything else on under there, though. Plus, does Vicky's™ make a Fantasy Burkha™ yet?

But I digress.

And this punching three holes in womyn has got to stop.

By the way, I dropped in to my local Rethugglikkkan Headquarters today (in disguise, of course), and snapped this photo on my iPhone -


Yep, you guessed it - right out in plain sight, so any local Rethugglikkkan could just walk up to the shelf and see all the local Womyn In Binders!

Disgusting.

Dear Pinkie,

Along with everything you've mentioned, and it is a burden to care muchly about, let's not forget about the most important, singular purpose of why wymyn even exist: it's to have sex constantly, get pregnant, and have abortions. Nothing else matters. Baking cookies and skinning wooly mammoths is all ancillary when it comes to free contraceptives and free abortions — everything else pales in comparison.

Maybe there are binders for these as well, being that they are the ONLY thing wymyn are concerned and preoccupied about. And to think that rethuglikkkan Mittens™ wants to rip out the very heart of wymyn's issues makes me very, very sad.

No, no, no! Comrade, you're still falling into the RethugliKKKan binary gender paradigm! The only way womyn will ever become equal to men is if they can and WANT to have sex as often as men have sex! Removing our fertility is just part of the genderless mecca of Next Tuesday!

The "binders" admission has implications beyond womyn. That *spit* Mittens *spit* and his crooked crowd obviously classify and differentiate people according to ancient rules and would seek to divide us (tabbed?) according to these supposed differences. Classification warfare at its ugliest! We know because we have been told by the MSM that our One-And-Only-One-Dear-Leader would never stoop so low!

The hardest thing about smoking a mammoth is getting it lit.

As to running things into the ditch, not only do the rethugs leave behind a trail of battered wheeled transport (chariots, conestoga wagons, '57 Studebakers), they fail to understand one of the fundamental principles of Hope and Change: If you find yourself in a ditch, the first thing you do is dig the ditch deeper.

It is the essence of being shovel ready.

Oh lord... please make it stop. Please, please, please make this insanity stop.

M84 wrote:No, no, no! Comrade, you're still falling into the RethugliKKKan binary gender paradigm! The only way womyn will ever become equal to men is if they can and WANT to have sex as often as men have sex! Removing our fertility is just part of the genderless mecca of Next Tuesday!

Allow me to inform you. The point isn't "equality", as TIME magazine discovered that men and wymyn are "different"; a revelation that thoroughly threw them for a loop and blindsided them in a not so good way. The point is that wymyn eat, sleep, breath and shit free abortions and contraceptives. This is all they ever think about and are obsessed with. It isn't jobs or the economy and profane deficits; it's abortion and free contraceptives.

There is no question they want to have sex as often as men and even more so that some even have sex with turkey basters. The only way equality will come is if men can become pregnant and feel the sting of the rethuglikkkan coat hanger.

There seems to be some debate over the term "binder". One binder is shown above. Any form of restraint can also be a binder, like a straitjacket, handcuffs, leg irons, and bellybutton lint removers.
With the help of the United Nations Roman galleys we brought back to to help satisfy the need for full employment.

There are also Approved Binders, but only when used by The One for Party Purposes:
CHICAGO — In a bid to get more Muslim Americans working in the Obama administration, a book with resumes of 45 of the nation's most qualified — Ivy League grads, Fortune 500 executives and public servants, all carefully vetted — has been submitted to the White House.... https://weaselzippers.us/2012/10/18/flashback-keith-ellison-gave-obama-binder-full-of-qualified-muslims-to-consider-hiring/

The progs jumped at "binders full of women" because the paradigm of bound women speaks to their souls in a way that the non-initiated won't understand. From fashion industry to comic books to porn - all the areas which the progs can proudly claim to be their their own turf - thrive on binding women - a collective fantasy that cements their otherwise eclectic and inconsistent subculture.


In a similar way they jumped at the Tea Party people describing them as Teabaggers - a term that most of the wholesome and innocent Tea Party goers never heard of before.

It turned out that in progressive quarters, a tea bag tied to a stick or a hat was forever linked to human male genitalia. That tea bag apparently rang so many bells in the minds of progressive trendsetters that the resulting deafening noise covered any other sound, including that of the voice of reason. Otherwise they might have heard that little voice advising them that it wasn't wise to let the world know so much about their own personal hobbies.

Today it's "binders full of women." Deep down in the dark labyrinths of the mind of every activist prog decrying Romney's innocent turn of phrase, there must be a room full of bound women - tied to a bed or a pole, hanging from rings in the ceiling, nude and wrapped in chains in the center of a Middle Eastern slave market or a Planned Parenthood abortion clinic - for them to use, torture, rape, or save and cuddle.

Whatever the outcome, the woman in these fantasies is never a fully human, self-aware individual. She has no mind, spirit, ambitions, or plans for the future. She is a walking sexual organ that exists merely to satisfy male (and, in certain cases, female) wildest fantasies. Her education or professional skills don't matter; the only requirements are a young, voluptuous body, soft silky skin, a vagina, and two huge breasts - three if it's science fiction.

Beneath the pious facade of social justice, it is this subliminal primitive fantasy that drives a generic progressive blogger to write from Mom's basement about saving the teary-eyed "American woman" who has been imprisoned, shackled, and bound by "evil Republicans."

But suppose this imaginary fair maiden is saved. Then what? For some reason, the rest of this fantasy is always omitted, but we can easily fill in the blanks according to the rules of the genre.

In a formulaic ending, the liberated "woman" moves from the Republican dungeon to her savior's Democratic basement and, out of eternal gratitude, forever remains his willing sex slave and a house maid in a fantasy sequel called "family." Living happily thereafter is an effortless bliss for as long as contingent only on their ability to alleviate threats to such "happiness" using abortions and contraceptives, as long as their political activism keeps that option available.

Occasionally, these deeply seated fantasies come to the surface in the form of art exhibits, fashion shows, films, comic books, and political campaigns that reveal more about their authors than they would otherwise share in a polite company.

In this sense, the entire "War on women" narrative is only another progressive fantasy, a prog tale, if you will, in which women are merely mindless owners of "lady parts," who are there to be moved around, manipulated, threatened, invaded, penetrated, cuddled, appeased, and otherwise played with - with all the subtlety of a porno flick. Drama, conflict, suspense, and character development are replaced with physical sensuality and the public display of "lady parts."

Instead of choosing their battles, they choose their primitive fantasies choose their battles for them.

And now they have accomplices hailing from another fantasy land with similar attitudes towards women and a long tradition of bondage.

((The sad thing is Red Square's post works every bit as well whether it's prog-on or prog-off =-S As a female I tend to think that IS how liberals view us, as walking-sex objects, made so by the ability and legality of "eliminating" what my grandparents would've recognized as the natural consequences and risks of sex out of wedlock. ))

what the?????

I thought he was talking about binding women's feet, as in Qing dynasty China.

I figured if a Mormon polygamist has got a dozen or so in the stable he might well need to deform their feet so they can't run away....after a long hard day hunting Mammoth or firing people and shipping their jobs overseas....a Great White Hunter has got to be able to relax without having to chase his prey at home.

We need legislation that outlaws women's resumes in binders and makes it illegal for employers to hire women they don't know!

That would be the only rational answer to these capitalist pigs that like to store women in binders. I bet that traitor Romney only uses binders from Staples.

obamarepublik wrote:I bet that traitor Romney only uses binders from Staples.

AH!! The Bain connection! I knew it was something like this.

Red Square, you should convert your post into its own separate article, expanding upon it as you see fit, and submit according to your usual M.O.

Now get cracking lest I start shovel whacking.

I concur! (Please don't shovel-whack me again!!! D= )

Have I ever shovel-whacked you, M84? I don't recall. In any event, anyone who concurs with me does not get shovel-whacked. You'd think some of the comrades around here would've figured that out by now.

I want Leonardo DiCaprio to draw me the way he draws the women in his pictures--holding my shovel. Holding only my shovel. Afterwards I'll put the drawing in a binder and add a note that reads, "Dear Mitt--now you can keep us both in your binder!"

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:I want Leonardo DiCaprio to draw me the way he draws the women in his pictures--holding my shovel. Holding only my shovel. Afterwards I'll put the drawing in a binder and add a note that reads, "Dear Mitt--now you can keep us both in your binder!"

If the story ends with you throwing your shovel overboard to a dead Leonardo "sharkfood" DiCaprio, I'll second. Win-win. My swelling has only recently subsided.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Red Square, you should convert your post into its own separate article, expanding upon it as you see fit, and submit according to your usual M.O.

Now get cracking lest I start shovel whacking.

I'm on it. Besides, my shovel-whacking proxy is in enough pain right now, gagged and bound in the field experiment that I needed to conduct in order to make the above post.

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:Have I ever shovel-whacked you, M84? I don't recall. In any event, anyone who concurs with me does not get shovel-whacked. You'd think some of the comrades around here would've figured that out by now.

Question: Um, how long is each concurrence good for? I've concurred a couple of times in the last month or so.

Tell me when, people, are we going to get our bamabinders? 47%. I don't want bamabucks or bamaphones, I want bamabinders full of women.

I want Leonardo DiCaprio to draw me the way he draws the women in his pictures--holding my shovel. Holding only my shovel.

Oh my. Has someone left my jar on the stove again? It's getting hot in here. I think I need a moment alone.

Binders are so old school.

Let's get into the modern accounting era, we here in my paradise island use barcodes for inventory control and inventory managment ....

College binders...

International student Barry S. in a LIBRARY??? pure photoshop.

((He's in the Department Revisionist History.))

Dear Leader's farming proclivities are much more with rakes than hoes, or is it the handles thereof.

As promised, I rewrote and expanded my comment and now it's published in the American Thinker, and also on the Cube:

'Women in Binders' as Kinky Progressive Fantasy

Is it art, or is a photo of a really bizarre utility shed accident?

I display, you decide.

My, my, my...

How brave of you my Dear Pamalinsky!

When I saw your post I knew it was a cry for help - our past is indeed difficult to confront yet hard to forget! I still have trouble walking to the food stamp office.

By the way - as I recall one of us girls had a wiener... do you recall who it was and is she in this photo?

I believe that would be the one on the far left, Comrade Putout.

But I could be wrong.

No! It's the one in the middle, idiot! So, R, you are definitely wrong!

R.O.C.K. in the USSA wrote:I believe that would be the one on the far left, Comrade Putout.

But I could be wrong.

My good friend Comrade R.O.C.K. - with the omission of one tiny comma your sentence could be interpreted in several ways.

Actually, I think it's all of those babes, except for Pamalinsky. Yeah, that's the way I see it! How could I have been so blind.

My un awareness that orthopedic shoes came in purple is worthy of punishment.

General Confusion wrote:My un awareness that orthopedic shoes came in purple is worthy of punishment.

All ya gotta do, General Confusion, is get some of those Doc Scholl's Custom Orthopedic foot support thingys. You'll be all set, then. The formula is : your feet no longer are pronating, with the aid of our foot inserts, you are all set! Get 'em. They work!You'll begin to see things more upright! Yes, you will!

If I am so ordered, my options are few. My choices are between obedience, severe beatings, and/or execution. Siberia is not pleasant at any time of year, the worst are September through June.