Image

Jiffy Lobo Crisis

User avatar
Image


One of Justice Kavanaugh's numerous female accusers recently admitted to N. Y. Times reporter Robin Pogrebin that she had been severely traumatized by Kavanaugh's brutish sexual advances at certain Harvard fraternity parties. The unnamed woman claimed Kavanaugh's toxic male behavior caused her such fear and anguish that she experienced what some are calling a "Spontaneous Jiffy Lobo" and can no longer recall the incident.

In related news: Washington DC hospitals are reporting a sudden spike in traumatic brain injury cases. In an interview earlier today a spokesperson for a major metropolitan emergency center noted: "There may be a link between the recent publication of on-line instructions for memory control, known as DIY-Lobo, and the rash of hospitalizations for selective memory loss - but more research is needed."


Craptek News Service

User avatar
Alright, alright. We were gonna put up an official announcement next tuesday, but I guess now that the presses have kicked into gear, I'll let the cat out of the bag.

At the State Scientific Bureau, we've been trying to answer a question Committee Chairman Alexandrov had posed us after he had about 23 vodka tonics. He asked us why we couldn't bring the Jiffy Lobo to the people, instead of dragging them kicking and screaming to the Jiffy Lobo.

We had thought of expanding our fleet of Mobo-Lobo vans, but it still required dragging, kicking, and screaming. So, we invented a technology that has never been seen yet on this earth: The Lobo-Ray.

The Lobo-Ray is a rifle-like radio frequency and radioactive particle emitter which is aimed at the head of the subject. It uses a top secret combination of microwaves, AM radio waves, and beta and gamma particles that are emitted when the trigger is pulled.

The Lobo-Ray has three different Lobo intensities: Wipe, being a short-term Lobo for when thoughtkrime has been experienced in the past 30 minutes, Dump, being a longer-term Lobo reaching back 48 to 72 hours, and Reset, which takes all thoughtkrime that is in the subject's mind, no matter if it occurred 1 minute or 1000 years ago, and replaces it with party slogans and facts. What this article details is an experimental Lobo-Ray device that erased the target's mind but did not replace the memories with slogans.

We will be putting this into mass production and outfitting every Gestapo barrack with at least one Lobo-Ray device per two officers. We are also excited to expand this technology from a single-person model into a system which can Jiffy-Lobo an entire crowd in the same amount of time.

User avatar
Captain Craptek wrote:
Image


One of Justice Kavanaugh's numerous female accusers recently admitted to N. Y. Times reporter Robin Pogrebin that she had been severely traumatized by Kavanaugh's brutish sexual advances at certain Harvard fraternity parties. The unnamed woman claimed Kavanaugh's toxic male behavior caused her such fear and anguish that she experienced what some are calling a "Spontaneous Jiffy Lobo" and can no longer recall the incident.

Craptek News Service

Great reporting CC but I think it's time to get real about the ding dong plot to take Kavanaugh down by using his ding dong as a weapon against him. I think Terrence has a point here......


User avatar
Comrade Stierlitz wrote:Alright, alright. We were gonna put up an official announcement next tuesday, but I guess now that the presses have kicked into gear, I'll let the cat out of the bag.

At the State Scientific Bureau, we've been trying to answer a question Committee Chairman Alexandrov had posed us after he had about 23 vodka tonics. He asked us why we couldn't bring the Jiffy Lobo to the people, instead of dragging them kicking and screaming to the Jiffy Lobo.

We had thought of expanding our fleet of Mobo-Lobo vans, but it still required dragging, kicking, and screaming. So, we invented a technology that has never been seen yet on this earth: The Lobo-Ray.

The Lobo-Ray is a rifle-like radio frequency and radioactive particle emitter which is aimed at the head of the subject. It uses a top secret combination of microwaves, AM radio waves, and beta and gamma particles that are emitted when the trigger is pulled.

The Lobo-Ray has three different Lobo intensities: Wipe, being a short-term Lobo for when thoughtkrime has been experienced in the past 30 minutes, Dump, being a longer-term Lobo reaching back 48 to 72 hours, and Reset, which takes all thoughtkrime that is in the subject's mind, no matter if it occurred 1 minute or 1000 years ago, and replaces it with party slogans and facts. What this article details is an experimental Lobo-Ray device that erased the target's mind but did not replace the memories with slogans.

We will be putting this into mass production and outfitting every Gestapo barrack with at least one Lobo-Ray device per two officers. We are also excited to expand this technology from a single-person model into a system which can Jiffy-Lobo an entire crowd in the same amount of time.

Can you add a setting to erase the memory of bad dates, bad relationships and bad beet vodka hangovers?

User avatar
Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin wrote: Can you add a setting to erase the memory of bad dates, bad relationships and bad beet vodka hangovers?

We can work on the first two. The last one is a no-go. Mainly because I love a good wine hangover, and the technology can't discriminate. Wine hangovers are such polite hangovers; they're there but they don't annoy you too much. Unlike beer hangovers, you can put on a Barry Manilow record and pull that pesky headache down a few notches. Or at least get your mind off of it. And the relaxation from the wine is still there somehow. They're comforting in their own special way.

User avatar
'pelipsky thinks that RIFLE lobo ray device needs to find CIZ's you-tuber and get that thinker's mind erased quick. How's the DNC goin' to usher in complete victory over unreconstructed, unconstitutional, Constitutionalist America by 2020 with logical, linear, unreconstructed, unconstitutional, Constitutionalist citizens laughing at DNC members made up memories? ??? Like this sets back the eminent New America decades - back to the days when fact checking NAZI's did not believe BJ Clinton's memory of black churches burning in his virtual childhood.

It's gettin' to where 'pelipsky can't tell who's been RIFLE Lobo Rayed and who hasn't.

Captain Craptek, can you sort out the nuts from the empty shells around here??

paw pressed to forelock in confusion,
Jackalopelipsky
#BR 549

User avatar
And like how BIG is Kavanaugh's penis anyway?? It took MORE THAN ONE FRIEND to push it into the hand of a so drunk the episode is memory holed female!! Holy Kamollee!

Just Ding Dong!!

CIZ? GD?

'pelipsky

User avatar
jackalopelipsky wrote:'pelipsky thinks that RIFLE lobo ray device needs to find CIZ's you-tuber and get that thinker's mind erased quick. How's the DNC goin' to usher in complete victory over unreconstructed, unconstitutional, Constitutionalist America by 2020 with logical, linear, unreconstructed, unconstitutional, Constitutionalist citizens laughing at DNC members made up memories? ??? Like this sets back the eminent New America decades - back to the days when fact checking NAZI's did not believe BJ Clinton's memory of black churches burning in his virtual childhood.

It's gettin' to where 'pelipsky can't tell who's been RIFLE Lobo Rayed and who hasn't.

Captain Craptek, can you sort out the nuts from the empty shells around here??

paw pressed to forelock in confusion,
Jackalopelipsky
#BR 549

Sometimes facts must be faced Komrade Pelipsky. The facts are the scheme to take down Kavanaugh, Operation Ding Dong, is an embarrassment to the Communist Party of Dimocrats. It's such a massive failure and embarrassment that I am sure all the great communist party founding fathers are rolling in their graves, except for Lenin of course.

User avatar
Comrade Stierlitz wrote: We can work on the first two. The last one is a no-go. Mainly because I love a good wine hangover, and the technology can't discriminate.[highlight=#ff0000] [/highlight][highlight=#ff0000]Wine hangovers are such polite hangovers; they're there but they don't annoy you too much.[/highlight] Unlike beer hangovers, you can put on a Barry Manilow record and pull that pesky headache down a few notches. Or at least get your mind off of it. And the relaxation from the wine is still there somehow. They're comforting in their own special way.

Totally disagree with that and there is not enough antacid in the universe.

User avatar
Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin wrote:
jackalopelipsky wrote:'pelipsky thinks that RIFLE lobo ray device needs to find CIZ's you-tuber and get that thinker's mind erased quick. How's the DNC goin' to usher in complete victory over unreconstructed, unconstitutional, Constitutionalist America by 2020 with logical, linear, unreconstructed, unconstitutional, Constitutionalist citizens laughing at DNC members made up memories? ??? Like this sets back the eminent New America decades - back to the days when fact checking NAZI's did not believe BJ Clinton's memory of black churches burning in his virtual childhood.

It's gettin' to where 'pelipsky can't tell who's been RIFLE Lobo Rayed and who hasn't.

Captain Craptek, can you sort out the nuts from the empty shells around here??

paw pressed to forelock in confusion,
Jackalopelipsky
#BR 549

Sometimes facts must be faced Komrade Pelipsky. The facts are the scheme to take down Kavanaugh, Operation Ding Dong, is an embarrassment to the Communist Party of Dimocrats. It's such a massive failure and embarrassment that I am sure all the great communist party founding fathers are rolling in their graves, except for Lenin of course.

Operation Ding Dong. ooaaahhh...'pelipsky remembers back when 'pelipsky was in a German POW Camp and Colonel Hogan had all us fellow anti-fascist POW's runnin' all kinds of covert ops right from our interment camp that made fools of the Fascists. Operation Ding Dong has the ring of something we would do to win the war and get back to our normal lives.How else can you explain it? It defies self-evident truth, that people who are the best and the brightest of all Stalin's creatures would call this malfunction a coherent strategy. Obvious sabotage within the highest, closest circle of brilliance known to mankind.

SABATAGE! 'pelipsky tells you...just like the covert ops 'pelipsky contributed to as POW anti-fascist doin' some covert sh*t that made fools of the Fascists so we could win the war against Fascism and get back to our normal lives. Operation Ding Dong.

Biden's going to put MORE American WOMEN TO WORK! than exist in current reality.
Operation Ding Dong is working like a charm...makin' fools of the Fascists like we ust to...Jackalopelipsky#BR 549

User avatar
jackalopelipsky wrote:
Operation Ding Dong. ooaaahhh...'pelipsky remembers back when 'pelipsky was in a German POW Camp and Colonel Hogan had all us fellow anti-fascist POW's runnin' all kinds of covert ops right from our interment camp that made fools of the Fascists. Operation Ding Dong has the ring of something we would do to win the war and get back to our normal lives.[highlight=#ff00ff]How else can you explain it?[/highlight] It defies self-evident truth, that people who are the best and the brightest of all Stalin's creatures would call this malfunction a coherent strategy. Obvious sabotage within the highest, closest circle of brilliance known to mankind.

SABATAGE! 'pelipsky tells you...just like the covert ops 'pelipsky contributed to as POW anti-fascist doin' some covert sh*t that made fools of the Fascists so we could win the war against Fascism and get back to our normal lives. Operation Ding Dong.

Biden's going to put MORE American WOMEN TO WORK! than exist in current reality.
Operation Ding Dong is working like a charm...makin' fools of the Fascists like we ust to...Jackalopelipsky#BR 549

They're idiots.

Crossfire Hurricane = BIG FAILURE

Operation Ding Dong = BIG FAILURE

Did you happen to catch the Lewandowski hearing yesterday? = BIG FAILURE

I feel like I'm stuck in a Groundhog Day Wile E. Coyote Acme strategy factory.



How many times will they go back to the drawing board just to come up empty handed with no ding dong?

User avatar
CIZ! so...you don't think these epic failures leavin' the drunk girls empty handed, while Trump remains POTUS are anti-fascist sabotage? That these failures come from the best and the brightest among us actually being IDIOTS??

'pelipsky's lettin' that thought percolate..

Well, just damn, CIZ these are some pretty HIGH FUNCTION Idiots on the Stanford-Binet. Paw slaps mythical horned rodent forehead...that means...Idiots are passing as HIGH FUNCTION types throughout the entire Deep State! !!!

Let 'pelipsky live in Virtual World of Political Espionage...your FACTUAL explanation is TOO HORRIFYING!

It's like 'pelipsky's mind has been PeterStrzok

User avatar
Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin wrote:... [LEFTISM] in a Groundhog Day Wile E. Coyote Acme strategy factory ...
Image

Even HIS tweets
give LEFTISM the creeps.

User avatar
Captain Craptek wrote:... a spokesperson for a major metropolitan emergency center noted: "There may be a link between the recent publication of on-line instructions for memory control, known as DIY-Lobo, and the rash of hospitalizations for selective memory loss - but more research is needed."
How long till DIY-Lobos will (at times) end in a JE-Anomaly? _(JE for Jeffrey Epstein, what else?)
Or: DIY Jeffy Lobo™ on the horizon?

User avatar
Comrade Stierlitz wrote:... fleet of Mobo-Lobo vans ...
They sure are electric? "alles electric...", as GND-AOC, eyes going dreamy, uses to say - ja?

Heil Elektromobilität!


P.S.
The whole concept - Lobo-Ray, a Lobo-Ray gun in every pot, ah, Gestapo barrack, and Lobo-Ray gun's multi-person op-mode - is gloriously brilliant!

User avatar
jackalopelipsky wrote:And like how BIG is Kavanaugh's penis anyway?? It took MORE THAN ONE FRIEND to push it into the hand of a so drunk the episode is memory holed female!! ...
...

CIZ? GD?

'pelipsky
Even without a Ph.D. in Proglo-Genderx Priapic Epistemology Studies, it appears verified that
a) TANSTAAKP: There Ain't No Such Thing As A "Kavanaugh Penis"
b) the thingy thrust into the drunk-limp hand-held memory-hole was The New York Penis.

Case closed.

User avatar
jackalopelipsky wrote:And like how BIG is Kavanaugh's penis anyway?? ...

'pelipsky

Wait, so size matters again?

User avatar
Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin wrote: Totally disagree with that and [highlight=#ffff00]there is not enough antacid in the universe.[/highlight]

[OFF]

That's me on a rum hangover. And also a gin hangover. The former because of heartburn, the latter because of those gawd-awful gin burps.

User avatar
Ivan the Stakhanovets wrote:
jackalopelipsky wrote:And like how BIG is Kavanaugh's penis anyway?? ...

'pelipsky

Wait, so size matters again?

In Operation Ding Dong evidently size is of considerable matterization. It took friendS - plural - to push Kavanaugh's Ding Dong into the hand of a drunk female. Ayeyayayayaya. The image...the image. Kavanaugh's like one of GD's battering rams stroking the Gates of York from the days of William Wallace.

Operation Ding Dong is pure envy and jealousy driven. No Democrat man, 'ceptin' of course Hillary, can measure up to unreconstructed, unconstitutional, Constitutionist Kavanaugh. And it's driving Democrats to madness.

'pelipsky
#BR 549

User avatar
I'm told that Robin Pogrebin, the NYT reporter who broke the story, was herself at a party 30 years ago where she inserted a whiskey bottle into her vagina and attemnpted to anally rape drunken frat boys. And the fact that everyone was too drunk to remember it doesn't change the seriousness of the charge. Nor does it remove the disturbing mental image from my memory.

I think I need a Jiffy Lobo myself. Or a DIY LOBO from the dollar store nearby.

DIY_LOBO.jpg

User avatar
Red Square wrote:I'm told that Robin Pogrebin, the NYT reporter who broke the story, was herself at a party 30 years ago where she inserted a whiskey bottle into her vagina and attemnpted to anally rape drunken frat boys. And the fact that everyone was too drunk to remember it doesn't change the seriousness of the charge. Nor does it remove the disturbing mental image from my memory.

I think I need a Jiffy Lobo myself. Or a DIY LOBO flom the dollar store nearby.

DIY_LOBO.jpg

A harrowing 30 year memory in need of serious charges OR a DIY Jiffy Lobo. Maybe Ed Buck was operating his own Jiffy Lobo Service in his seedy drug den of a condo.

'pelipsky knows...report to Basement Treatment Room before noon...

User avatar
Clara Illbustyourballs Zetkin wrote:... [LEFTISM] in a Groundhog Day Wile E. Coyote Acme strategy factory ...
Image

... and yet another glorious proof! :

Image
(by reliably funny Gary Varvel)


 
POST REPLY