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Frau Merkel calls The People's Cube, asks for favors

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Jawohl!

OK, I must admit: I didn't explicitly hear the call. Nor was I present in CCCB, the Cubic Central Committee Bunker (which may or may not exist), when the call came in. Yet it so happens, that.... well, I just know all the details.

So, CCCB and our acoustical transmission device, model Dnipro-1968 (understandably, further details of the bunker - which may or may not exist - are masked with Motherland pixels):

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drrinnng! drrinnng! trrransatlanntik konnnekshun!
.. (klack) Yes? Who's there?
.. (krk, khrk) Me, Frau Merkel. Ze Bundeskanzlerin.

Wow! There SHE is, ze world-leader in Klimatism!
Day in, day out making EUSSR multi-diverse and open, while keeping our Planet unkatastrophed!

~
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        Mystery item No. 1

Has heard, she says, about a stellar eco-balance of beets. Wants a transfer of best beet-practices to the EUSSR.
So.. Well, she got informed:
Yes, a barrelful of beets sucks more CO₂ out of the system than a full plantation of baobabs! Can you imagine this? Also, combined with kasha, our beets suppress enviro-deadly methane, as commonly passed via after-meal farts.

Frau M, quick-thinker that she is, started pondering aloud how to nudge Daimler-Benz and Volkswagen to reorient their enterprises towards beet operations. Just - she said - think, comrades: all the CO₂ sucked off the troposphere, jobs-jobs-jobs, and masses happily toiling 12/7/365, ha!

As for further progress, comrade CCCB speaker added, our latest report shows that all vehicles in Tractor Barn #2 are already electric! ..uh, all operational ones, he clarified.

Now, Merkel said: Yu are zo environmental. Vee vant gif yu zupport!
So, she was directed to the DONATE button.

But no, M said, she rather thought of, like, action directe, du versteh? Like pallets with true valuta: EUSSR CO₂ certificates, ja? Flown in by unmarked EUSSR choppers, jawohl!
Um.. I don't know.. , CCCB speaker stuttered, quite perplexed. Uh.. there is some spare room in the garage.. But wait - Tractor Barn #2! Yeah, empty one of its shacks, and then.. well, neatly swept with a palmetto broom, it would make for a clean operation, no?

Now, M's personal adviser (who assisted the call all the time) chimed in, in flawless Ameri-Burisma patois: In case you inspect a pallet, don't be surprised. Our EUSSR CO₂ certificates look exactly like US $$. No difference at all. Not even on microprint level.

Ach ja, added the adviser, and this: It's all fifty-fifty, ja? And he burismasplained: Imagine this. Frau M, after decades of immaculate Service to Humanity, finally resolves to retreat, ja? And now, on the flight to her retirement dacha in Paraguay, she will stop at the Tractor Barn #2, and reshuffle half of the dough on board of her machine. Got it?
(Und ja, interjected Frau M, ze odzer half vee must vill need to cover ze kosts of ze total operation and ze like, no?)

All this agreed upon, the glorious conversation was about to come to an end.

Detouring the standard diplomatic protocoll, ze Bundeskanzlerin courteously offered - what? Будь готов!? (da, da, GDR-Frau Merkel had extensive Soviet education, is fluent in Russkiy).
No, no - she uttered Be ready! Whereupon our answer was - no, not the standard Всегда готов! or Always ready!, but (courtesy returned!) Immer bereit!


..... and then, a yuuuge hurricane began crawling up over the whole region .....
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(the area of CCCB, the Cubic Central Committee Bunker - which may or may not exist -
is masked with Motherland pixels, of course)

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TPC™ whistle blowers must report this hear say evidence.

And does THE Ivan the Stakanovets know Tractor Barn #2 has become the new Mena, Arkansas airport clearing house?

Beets and Beet Toilers control the world's leaders here at TPC™.

Jackalopelipsky
#BR 549


 
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