Violent protests accompanied by massive looting, flag-burning, and clashes with riot police erupted yesterday among faculty members on U.S. and European campuses, after Newsweek magazine reported that a U.S. interrogator desecrated Das Kapital. The holy book of an estimated 1.5 billion world's
Marxists was allegedly flushed down the toilet in order to humiliate and demoralize a
progressive human rights lawyer and devout Marxist
Lynne Stewart.
Deans, heads of departments, professors, and assistant professors marched in the streets holding portraits of
Karl Marx, chanting revolutionary slogans, tearing up American flags, burning effigies of George Bush and David Horowitz, and threatening to suspend those students who didn't join them in their righteous protest. On Berkeley campus a gigantic bonfire consumed all available copies of books by Ann Coulter, Rush Limbaugh, and other conservative authors that could be found in the library and local bookstores. The rioters were being spontaneously joined by groups of trial lawyers,
progressive journalists, and union leaders.
"Even though some of us may have overreacted, it all pales in comparison with the grotesque injustice committed by this administration," said John Edwards, a trial lawyer from North Carolina who ran for presidency in 2004. "Looting? You may stereotype it as such, I suppose. But I call it an exercise in
spontaneous Marxism, which is a God-given right of every devout
Marxist in America whose rights must be protected if we still value our Constitution and its freedoms."
Riots continued through the night despite denials by Scott McClellan that Das Kapital had ever been mishandled. The White House spokesman assured that the U.S. government respects cultural sensitivities of all
Marxists regardless of their citizenship or immigration status, and routinely provides activists of
progressive faith, who happen to be in detention, with free standard-issue copies of Das Kapital, which their faith requires them to read five times a day. The government started doing so after being bitterly criticized by ACLU and Amnesty International.
Continued pressure from
progressive groups and the media forced apologetic government officials to release new details about five confirmed cases of U.S. personnel mishandling Das Kapital at federal detention centers, acknowledging that guards and interrogators kicked the
Marxist holy book, got copies wet, stood on Das Kapital during an interrogation and inadvertently sprayed urine on another copy.
Conservative bloggers have ridiculed Newsweek's allegations on the grounds that no toilet is fit to flush even a comic magazine, let alone Das Kapital of 1,200 pages. But ACLU claims its lawyers have evidence that the Bush Administration had placed a large order with Halliburton, a company formerly owned by Dick Cheney, to manufacture a ProgressoFlush 3000, an SUV-sized gasoline-powered 3,000 liter monster toilet, capable of flushing such voluminous books as Das Kapital, Bhagavad Gita, Lord of the Rings Trilogy, the Harry Potter collection, and Star Wars spin-offs, with the purpose of humiliating and breaking the will of worshippers in federal detention facilities.
Lynne Stewart is a
Marxist attorney indicted by Attorney General John Ashcroft for enabling her client, the
progressive Sheik, Omar Abdul Rahman, to carry out his
progressive agendas while in prison. Rahman was the spiritual leader of a cell that carried out the first World Trade Center bombing and was planning to blow up the Lincoln and Holland Tunnels.
Ramsey Clark, founder of the
progressive International Action Center, who recruited Stewart to the Rahman case, issued a statement today inviting the involvement of the International Tribunal, and suggesting to turn Lynne Stewart's prison into a museum of atrocities committed by the US government against
Marxists, similar to the ones already planned for the Abu Ghraib prison and for the
Liberty Museum at
Ground Zero.
