The People's Cube - Political Satire

In a last-ditch effort to find a moral justification for a war that his radical leftist base could accept, President Obama attributed recent bombings in Africa to al Qaeda's bigotry, describing the terrorist masterminds as racist radicals. Accompanied by a somber Rev. Al Sharpton, Jesse Jackson, and NAACP President Ben Jealous, President Obama read a joint declaration denouncing al Qaeda's bigoted practice of "sacrificing innocent African life" as a means to hit a legitimate Western target.

To cover all possible bases, the declaration included a list of other random offenses, such as, the terrorist group's failure to embrace the local LGBT community, their complete lack of interest in environmental activism and in raising awareness about climate change, turning a blind eye to the existence of a "glass ceiling" for female suicide bombers, and a few documented instances of not separating paper from plastic. "This is not a behavior most self-respecting radicals would condone, nor expect from fellow radicals," Obama said.

"From now on," the President concluded, "our number one priority in Afghanistan and elsewhere is to impose strict Rules for Radicals on local extremists. If they want to continue to enjoy moral support while fighting U.S. imperialism, they'll have to play by the book and conform to established standards. They're going to have to learn the meaning of diversity quotas and sensitivity training. They're going to have to provide proof of employment of a proportional number of atheists, Jews, Buddhists, Hinduists, Animists, and followers of The Ancient Science of Soul Travel, in order to lift the undeserved stigma of violence and extremism from the Muslim faith."

Obama's change of priorities brought a welcome relief to US field commanders, who were all too happy to force the enemy units to comply with the same government-imposed rules and restrictions that the U.S. Army is facing on a daily basis.


Jihadis in sensitivity training must read excerpts from Maureen Dowd and Bob Herber

As a result, a number of radical groups in Iraq and Afghanistan have already switched sides after only a few days of living under U.S.-mandated Rules for Radicals.

One man, identified only as a "Soldier for Allah" explained, "We were led into a classroom and had to sit in circles for what they called 'Collective Self-Attaining Support Sessions' where they lectured us on matters such as "Gender Awareness," "Multicultural Identity," and "Environmental Racism." For the love of Allah (peace be upon him and his messenger, the Prophet Muhammad), even in Saddam's prisons, I was never accused so often of being guilty!"


Free to fight: A progressive military contingent has female representation.

Trembling, he continued. "We had... had... gender role-playing. We had... had... non-dairy vegan diets. We had... had," at which point he broke down and cried, "You win, America! I had to write a 17-page memo explaining why my unit did not have an Hispanic presence! Please, you win!"

Diversity requirements are among the most effective weapons wielded by the Americans. A White House aide pointed out, "Islamic radicals need to understand that they must meet our goals and timetables. That is, if you're a terrorist and you shoot at us, we're gonna speak with you. And if your terrorist group doesn't meet our minority-and-women representation requirements, you're gonna be filling out forms for the rest of your days.


Hakim obtained a lucrative truck bomb-building contract by claiming that his son Abdul (left) was a Puerto Rican.

"We also check for other signs of discrimination. Were the correct percentages of your weapons built by approved minority vendors? Were your explosive belts manufactured by non-union labor? Were you using hurtful language while you were tossing grenades at us? Is everyone in your death squad being treated equally? These things matter more to us than whether you kill our troops. You see, individuals are replaceable, but progressive values are sacrosanct. And if you attack our values, you're going to be explaining yourself in remedial education sessions and you're going to be doing a lot... and I mean a lot... of writing!"

Although the new White House directive is largely incoherent, civil rights lawyers believe it offers a long-sought compromise between conventional combat and the ACLU requirement that "enemies be treated as though they are United States civilians."

As one Iraqi insurgent put it, "We can withstand your guns and tanks, but please, kill us all before you inflict more sensitivity training!" In fact, the very thought of such punishments has made even the most battle-hardened insurgents whimper for mercy.


We can withstand your guns and tanks, but please, kill us all before you inflict more sensitivity training!

But a sizeable number of former Islamic radicals have also expressed willingness to convert to the progressive radical faith. "The God of Progress is twice more powerful than Allah," they claim, "if he is capable of enforcing twice the number of taboos than we ever had in Sharia." According to a newly converted cleric, the two religions have a lot in common since the both are self-contained spiritual, economic, and political systems. "What's different is that your Progressive faith is way more restrictive than Islam. I like that. If our goal is to make humanity suffer, Progressivism is the ticket."

The war is not over, though, as Osama bin Laden is still in hiding. In a taped message, he said, "I will surrender if the United States promises to overlook my family's lack of compliance with WBE and MBE requirements in their construction business."

But the White House believes that is an irrelevant point. Said one aide, "We don't care about his family. But he has led an organization that is guilty of de facto religious discrimination. If you're going to butcher Americans, you had better do it with a diverse group of murderers. Al Qaeda is comprised only of Muslims, and that's wrong. We're going to find Mr. Bin Laden, and he will definitely learn what it means to meet diversity goals."

This story is a rewrite of our earlier report on the war on terror (Written together with Prof. Kurgman), changed in compliance with the Current Truth. The fact that today's political life had been more or less accurately described by us five years ago, proves once again that life has a tendency to imitate the People's Cube.

Al Qaeda: Another Organization Destroyed By Diversity Quotas

Now that Obama has denounced Al-Qaeda as racist because they fail to promote African negroes in their organization to executive positions (I guess Anti-semitism no longer qualifies as racism) does this mean we can start using Predator drone attacks against the Tea Party?

The 7th century meets Liberalism! Surely it will end well!


Commissar Whoopie, juice hatred is always called for, always cool and always hip. Thank Obama the DOJ is already administering Drone Attacks on those racist cracker turd Tea Party types...

Okay. So how are we supposed to integrate Sharia Law with gay rights?

Allah-insky be praised!

Leninka wrote:Okay. So how are we supposed to integrate Sharia Law with gay rights?

Oh dear... I'm afraid that comradess Leninka has been thinking again... Medic!!!

Don't worry, Comrade darski, I went directly to Jiffi-Lobo, and followed it up with a liter of vodka. I'm fine now. Of course, in the Progressive Sharia Law World of Next Tuesday ™ , especially under the leadership of the current Justice Department, justice will be both fair and blind to all justice.

Holy Sharks! Leninka! And now you have to return to Jiffi-Lobo and work on the part of the brain that reconciles vodka and sharia. They did a shoddy work on you, those Jiffi-Lobers. You must demand your ration card back!

Sometimes I wonder, with all the progressive effort, where did all the competence go?

O ... O something, can't remember his name, is right. Al-Qaeda is racist. Unfortunately, the Arab/African relationship is identical to the relationship we true communists have with liberals. We regard them expendable, sort of like a group of mentally challenged persons best put to use by clearing minefields. We sweet talk them into doing all the work for us but then we purge them. Our Islamic Arab brothers running Al-Qaeda regard our Black brothers in exactly the same way. And that's racist. O ... O what's his name (can't remember) happens to be black and therefore doesn't like it. If he were a liberal instead of a true communist, he might not like the communist/liberal relationship either. That wouldn't be racist though but he would be annoyed just the same.

Comrade Red Square,

This has caught me in the horns of a dilemma. On the one hand, I could be stoned to death for drinking vodka, on the other, if I stop drinking vodka, I might not be receptive to Laika's signals.

I think that being stoned makes one receptive to Laika's signals as well, just like vodka.

And since psychoactives like Cannabis are not explicitly banned by Mohammed (unlike alcohol), his followers in the Middle East and Central Asia have no problem consuming them in large quantities. The sect of the Assassins by some accounts got their name from hashish, which they smoked just as much as the Party drinks vodka. And for a similar purpose - to hear Laika's signals, or their equivalent, from a magic entity orbiting the earth, in the shape of the crescent.

Wikipedia wrote:Not merely content to survive, but instead determined to build a new utopia, the Nizāriyya formulated a strategy of gaining control of strategically important fortresses by covertly converting local inhabitants living within and around strategically vital fortresses in Isma'ili territory. They established a new type of state within a state which consisted of a number of "island" fortified settlements within a sea of hostility in present day Iran, Iraq, Syria and Lebanon. The formal origin of the Federation of the Assassins is marked as 1090 when Hassan-i Sabbah established his first stronghold in Daylam at the fortress of Alamut (Eagle's Nest in Persian) south of the Caspian Sea...

Tactics: assassination, intimidation and intrigue

Unable to mount a conventional military army, the Nizāriyya developed a form of asymmetric warfare transforming the act of political assassination into a system of survival and defense against their foes. They trained highly capable sleeper commandos (trained in languages, science, trade, and so on) known as Fedayeen, who would covertly infiltrate enemy positions and remain undercover.

Just like the Party!

My personal travels in Central Asia and the Caucasus mountains confirms the fact that local Muslim populations were pretty much into smoking or taking hashish with food just like their non-Muslim neighbors were into drinking alcohol.

Then, it is my duty to get stoned for the party, of course. Why didn't I think of that before?

Perhaps if Osama bin Wacko Laden got more "laid-en" and would partake of the clear liquid spirits along with some herb, Al-Qaeda would transform into a more progressive organization that respected the rights of Africans and those of African descent.

A case of Vodka, and pack of Marlboro's and 6 hours with one of Heidi Fleiss' former employees should loosen him right up!

I had no idea our Islamic comrades were so strong in herb-lore. Some cultural icons translate universally across the human experience, be it the boy's room in junior high, or the back of Khalid's cave.

Really though, the ritual consumption of herbal stimulants is a custom that should be expanded beyond the Middle East and Kalifornia. We need to get Central Planning on this. It brings a whole new meaning to 'corned beef hash'!

Leninka wrote:Okay. So how are we supposed to integrate Sharia Law with gay rights?

Fortunately, the recently imposed Too Big To Fail Wall Street Protection and Consumer Butt Rimming Act of 2010 includes massive new impositions upon the Kapitalist Pigs to create independent Gender and Racial Equity brownshirt pitchfork brigades that will ensure that even remote terror cells imbued with the zeal of Allah (blessed be His Holy Name) to dance on the ends of short strings held by the oh-so well-meaning faceless nomenkultura driven to ensure racial and social justice.

There will be warm seats set aside close by the sulfurous fires of the hell superstition for any Achmed The Martyr who failed to ensure that a representative number of burqas had also been filled with detonated explosives. Only in that way can the ever powerful apparachiks of the State Racial and Economic Justice Department ensure that an equal redistribution of misery is inflicted upon the proletariat in a properly mixed quota of vaporized melanin and estrogen along with the People's Shrapnel.

Can utopia be far behind? Surely, we must be getting close. I'm getting wet with the dream of it.

We must be sure it's women under those burqas! There must be close, detailed inspections. It's too late after they explode, so we are going to need compliance inspectors. Any volunteers?

As a progressive ideologue, I'm glad Debbie and her kind are prepared for a rational dialog with al-Qaeda, but DO NOT extend their "I DON'T HATE" mantra to Americans (Tea Parties, Palin, Bush) with whom they disagree.

That would be a strategic blunder.

mi wrote:

I encounter a true gem (emphasis mine):

Debbie wrote:I don't hate Al Qaeda. I disagree with them and I think they should be disbanded, but I don't hate them. Hate gets us nowhere.

I disagree with them because they are responsible for the deaths of thousands, AND because they are religious fundamentalists, conservative, oppressive, violent and racist.

Al-Zand! Al-Had! Al-Kufr! Al-Shirk! Al-Fasad! Al-Fitnah! Al-Taghut! Al-Fusooq! Al-Istibdal! Al-Istihlal! Al-Nifaaq!

I'll KIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

MARX'ALLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!!!




Whoever does not viscerally despise mujahedin must seriously re-examine their premises. Nearly every conflict in the world today has to do with Islamic Imperialism, the most bloody and evil form of Imperialism in history. Mujahedin delenda est, and I say that with all the HATE in the world. May they perish in pig fat and pig blood!

May Western Civilization always thrive!

This is what we need to protect and preserve from the merciless barbarian iconoclasts...

MujahidOfTheProletariat wrote:Nearly every conflict in the world today has to do with Islamic Imperialism, the most bloody and evil form of Imperialism in history.

mi wrote:

MujahidOfTheProletariat wrote:Nearly every conflict in the world today has to do with Islamic Imperialism, the most bloody and evil form of Imperialism in history.

And yet, in both of the recent genocides Islam was either on the receiving end (Bosnia) or not involved at all (Rwanda)...

What about the genocides in Kurdistan and Sudan? In both cases, Muslims being killed by other Muslims who view their action as a Jihad against murtaddeen i.e. apostates. Even the Sukhumi Massacre in Abkhazia against Georgians was partly carried out by Chechen mujahedin led by Shamil Basayev. Also see the rather recent genocide of East Timorese Catholics and animists by Indonesian Muslims. Then, of course, there is the ethnic cleansing of the Greeks from Northern Cyprus by the Turks and the ethnic cleansing of Kashmiri Pandit Hindus from Kashmir by Muslims. The persecution of the Copts and Assyrians should be well known.

There WAS some Islamic involvement in Rwanda -- see the Hutu propagandist Hassan Ngeze whose efforts made the total demonization and thus the slaughter of the Tutsis possible.

And, in the Balkans, to claim that the Serbs were exclusively engaged in committing atrocities is intellectually-dishonest. Remember that in WWII, approximately seven hundred and fifty thousand Serbs were killed by Catholic Croats and Muslim Bosniaks (remember the Muslim SS divisions, 13th Waffen Mountain Division of the SS Handschar and 23rd Waffen Mountain Division of the SS Kama, trained by the Jerusalem Mufti Muhammad Amin al-Husseini, who explicitly approved of the annihilationist Pejani Plan). Seen in this light, alongside the reality of Alija Izetbegovic and Franjo Tudjman's openly-fascist tendencies, one can no longer merely demonize all Serbs for the massacre of eight thousand or so soldiers during wartime in an enclave which previously witnessed nearly four thousand Serb civilians killed by the forces of Naser Oric, while pretending that Muslims and Albanians and Croats are pure. I DO NOT defend the war crimes of Serbs, but neither do I defend those of Muslims, Albanians, and Croats. Do not mistake this, however, for moral equivocation. Izetbegovic had no qualms about importing mujahedin from Afghanistan and Iran; in fact, this being the author of the Islamic supremacist Islamic Declaration (first published in 1970, republished in 1990 just before the election), such actions come as no surprise. The Yugoslav Wars of Succession were what bolstered the mujahedin groups to global status.

Since 2004, approximately four thousand Buddhists have been killed by mujahedin in Southern Thailand, where Buddhists form a minority and Muslims a majority. And before you blame Buddhists for the clamor of Islamists to create a Shari'a state in southern Thailand, remember that if Muzaffar Shah of the Sultanate of Pattani had not invaded the Siamese Kingdom of Ayyuthaya while the latter was engaged in a war with Burma, then the Siamese would not have been provoked into more-or-less annexing the territory under the guise of vassalage. Likewise, do not think that mujahedin in Mindanao and Sulu will be content with merely obtaining absolute power for Allah and imposing the Shari'a in these regions -- prior to the era of Spanish imperialism in the Phillippines, the nearby Sultanate of Borneo had set up Muslim colony Sultanates in the northern Philippines as well -- see the Sultanates of Maynila , Namayan, and Tondo, which subjugated much of the Visayas and Luzon even as the native animist inhabitants resisted -- from this, we can see why the Spanish Catholic conquest (I am no Catholic apologist, being a Jew) was so bloodless, because they had allies in the tribal people fighting off the conquering Malay and Moro Muslims.

What about the genocides in Kurdistan and Sudan?

Both of those conflicts are/were purely over goods and lands. Not inspired by a religion. At least, in Sudan the victims are (partially) pagans, which could've supported your argument. But that's not the reason, they are being killed -- only the justification. The bourgeoisie would condemn a religion, which allows for such justification, but Christianity has been similarly abused in very recent past (such as Rwanda).

And before you blame Buddhists for the clamor of Islamists to create a Shari'a state in southern Thailand, remember that if Muzaffar Shah of the Sultanate of Pattani had not invaded the Siamese Kingdom of Ayuthaya while the latter was engaged in a war with Burma

Indeed, all religions have that, but it's historically and methodologically inaccurate to equate religions and cultures based on practices picked out of completely different epochs. What militant/political Islam is encouraging today, most other world religions have already recovered from and abandoned. Doesn't that count for anything? Then why try to advance to a more civilized society if you're still be classified as savages because of some unseemly things your distant ancestors once did? History and cultures never stay in place, with rare examples. One of such rare examples is Islam, which seems to be the only religion that refuses to grow up. And that is why it is so useful to the revolution. The less you're willing to learn about the outside world, the more aware you are of the need to conquer and subjugate it. Just what the Party needs in order to keep the world in a perpetual crisis.

Exhibit one: This could never have happened in a mosque.

Red Square wrote:What militant/political Islam is encouraging today, most other world religions have already recovered from and abandoned.

That's a reflection of the society's development, not of religion... I hate to dwell on Rwanda so much, but the native-born Catholics there did "get with the program" - unlike foreign missionaries (and soldiers), for example.

What's good fun in Eilat, for another example, can get you arrested in Florida and pelted with stones in Jerusalem's Haredi blocks.

Red Square wrote:Exhibit one: This could never have happened in a mosque.

Not sure, what the video proves... But there are plenty of things, a Party's apparatchik would not have allowed in a town's House of Culture either...

The prophet Muhammad said that the Devil was a black man.



Our Great Leader will be sooo disappointed since he has been using his comrades the New Black Panthers to prod the people to vote the party line.

The Nation of Islam will truly be bummed if they they found this out.

Also the 72 virgins the Muslims get in heaven ARE ALL WHITE.

As a Progressive I am outraged that there is no diversity in virgins. I demand Affirmative Action in Muslim heaven.

"We spend 250 billion dollars a year on defense and here we are! The fate of the planet is in the hands of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato gun!" ~ Armageddon

https://web.me.com/charlesgallup/ObamaN ... _Tone.html