9/11/2010, 12:13 am
So I took my camera and went to take a look.
The bird lied. That is, the protesting community was there, and so were numerous media organs. But the anticipated Muslim teach-in, sit-in, and bendover-in by the local Islamic community had been suspended by the City until next week, to avoid possible scheduling conflicts with certain out-of-town Koran-burn-in communities.
A large BBC community was there, setting up a shop right on the sidewalk. But the cops told them to scramble, and they unhappily complied. They must have been also misled by the bird, only in their case it had to be a big bird named Roc, as seen in the Sinbad movie. It's probably where the BBC takes all their information about the Middle East anyway.
Their uniformed BBC shirts said "You set the agenda," but among themselves they were overheard saying that "this whole mosque hysteria was caused by everyone's stupid ignorance." Which means that not all communities should be allowed to set the agenda, but only the most enlightened ones, like Imam Rauf and the young geniuses at the BBC.
There were also representatives of the open-minded progressive community who looked like candidates for our fall edition of the People's Dating Service. When approached by a black lady distributing pamphlets of some obscure Christian cult, he reminded her that this was New York and her proselytizing could be offensive to some. But when I pointed out that his Che shirt and Mao hat could be offensive to others, he responded that he found my remark extremely offensive and intimidating. He was a whole head taller than me, but when I stomped my foot he ran away.
Before stomping my foot I took a picture of him next to one very appropriately titled book.
This is what the hidden mosque looks like today - the former Burlington Coat Factory at Park Place 51. It has no signs and can only be identified by the presence of two cops at the entrance, who are there apparently to protect various peaceful communities from one another.
The cops tell everyone to move along - even if your name is Cindy Sheehan, the Mother-Protector of all Muslims.
They were all told to stand on the corner, where they wouldn't obstruct the traffic. What do you know - around the corner they would all meet a guy looking very much like Imam Rauf, who is now more popular than Jesus and obviously also a progressive chick magnet.
Speaking of Jesus, there was a Christian community truck passing by the entrance to the Muslim community center every five minutes, going in circles around the block.
The Christian community van was opposed by the progressive community placards.
This community member who wanted Imam Rauf's baby must also believe that W is still president.
Nevertheless, she is qualified to give interviews to the media community. She seems to be about to give birth. That was fast.
And ten minutes later she gives birth to a bespectacled cherub. The newborn has already learned to hold a sign "We say no to racist fear." Or was he born holding it? Awwww so cuuuute!
"We must change the spelling of the Koran to "Quran," or we will anger the peaceful Muslims. Also, if you're not an appeaser and don't live in fear, you're not a real American."
This air traffic controller from from Seattle flew all the way to New York in order to tell the real truth about what we saw on 9-11 with our own lying eyes.
On the opposite corner, an artist with the face of Marcello Mastroianni was painting images that strayed from the approved progressive message.
Apparently he was not a real American because he didn't want salt to be poured into a gashing wound, or the dove of peace to be poisoned by the Raufstone coolant.
This man said he represented pastor Terry Jones from Gainesville, FL. The Koran burner!
Another Terry Jones look-alike from Florida.
I liked his baseball bat with the flag. Perhaps the message on his shirt would be clearer if he moved away from the "No parking saturday" sign.
Then I walked one block south to see the progress made at the Ground Zero site. Thanks to the glorious work of the local unionized labor force and the government-run planning and approval process, the hole in the ground had filled up at an amazing speed. After only two Five-Year Plans it has reduced to only four stories deep - ahead of schedule!
Many workers at the site wore "No Mosque" stickers on their hard hats and shirts.
This black female union member doesn't want the mosque to be built a block away. She must be a racist!
In fact, I almost wish they actually agreed to build the mosque - then it would never be finished.
Next to the construction site was a halal stand whose operator was strangely missing - perhaps on the run from the islamophobic union members, or busy hiding his Koran so that the un-American Christians from Florida wouldn't burn it tomorrow.
Next door to the mosque was Dakota Roadhouse and I felt it was the right time and place to fill my stomach with some bacon and alcohol. What could be more American than a Dakota Roadhouse, right?
As I expected, there was a buffalo skull with horns inside, but next to it hung a Soviet navy banner with hammers and sickles. I didn't take a picture of it; the bartender asked me not to shoot. But I still intend to do it tomorrow during the 9-11 rally and bring you the proof. Let's leave a placeholder for it.
[ PLACEHOLDER ]
In addition, Dakota Roadhouse had some very appropriate Soviet posters.
Remember this one?
Inside the bar, my friend is reading today's New York Post spread with a very informative article by Amir Taheri, as I stare through the window at representatives of our diverse communities moving back and forth on the sidewalk. I drink my beer and chew on my BLT sandwich, enjoying the experience while I still can.
