8/25/2006, 3:16 pm
To our credit we have a firm grip on all of the above.
One of the most prominent members of the academic community in this respect is Professor Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhD, who has kindly written for the People's Cube a brief yet masterful summary of the recent conflict in the Middle East.
Not only does it correctly capture the way the events were covered by world's progressive media, it is also destined to enter the annals of history as the sole unquestionable resource for social scientists of the future.
The Progressive History Of Conflict In Lebanon
by Professor Kurgman, PhD, PhD, PhDIn the summer of 2006, the Zionist populace of Israel, spoiled by joint ventures with Intel and Motorola, and their biotechnology inventions (which were all stolen from the Islam anyway) unanimously decided, "To hell with technology and commerce; we need to murder Lebanese civilian babies instead."
Historical Revisionism is the reexamination of historical facts, with an eye towards updating historical narratives with newly discovered, more accurate, or less biased information, acknowledging that history of an event, as it has been traditionally told, may not be entirely accurate. Taking this idea even further, Professor Kurgman has pioneered a new trend in social science called "Futuristic Revisionism" that deals with "updating news reporting with more accurate and less biased information in real time" as the events unfold. Besides the benefit of helping the unwashed masses to develop the correct view of world events, this approach is meant to create a desired view of events for journalists and historians of the distant future, when all the memory of current events will have been completely erased (e.g., next election cycle)
This went on for quite a while without much effect, until two Zionist soldiers ran into the unsuspecting arms of workers for the Social Service Agency Hezbollah, and said, "Bring us into Lebanon, so that we can kill your civilian children for our religious rituals."
The Hezbollah workers bravely resisted, but the two Zionist soldiers prevailed, and invaded Lebanon. Immediately, other Zionist soldiers couldn't resist the temptation and they too began to invade Lebanon in droves, to slaughter children and steal body parts.
Their Prime Minister Ehud Olmert proclaimed, "To the Lebanese people, we say, 'We are not fighting so that you will offer us something. We are fighting to eliminate you."
Two days later, the Israeli-Lebanon border was jammed with cargo vehicles, returning with Muslim body parts to use in their so-called biotechnology inventions.
Disgusted by such disproportionate aggression, the civilized world from China to Nigeria to Russia and France objected - but as role models for peace, they were ignored.
Meanwhile, the Zionist populace used this war as a pretext to loaf.
By the thousands, the descended into their underground dens of sloth, and passed the time defiling the Koran and celebrating the Mossad's 2004 attack against school children in Beslan (disguised to make look like the work of Muslims).
To quote one Zionist, "We keep lots of matzo in our underground resorts for the Beslan celebration. Between that and our 2001 attack on the Americans, it's a continuous party down here."
But finally, Hezbollah struck back by holding peace rallies. All over Beirut, one could hear the cries of "Peace Now!" as Islamic clergy walked arm-in-arm with oppressed progressive minority groups such as The Transgender Alliance of Allah, The Rainbow Caliphate, Freegans for Islamic Justice, Purple Jihad, Green Party of Islam, as well as a variety of Sunni and Shia gay and lesbian organizations.
The Zionist guns and bombs were no match of the Islamic Words of Peace. The invaders had to back down - but promised to return for more slaughter some other day. And so, the Social Service Agency Hezbollah went to work, gaining stature as they quietly helped the victims of the Zionist War Machine.
The post WWII culture of not wanting to interfere with the Soviet Union's expansion of international revolution reaped rich rewards for all of Eastern Europe, and also for many fortunate citizens of Central America, Africa, and Asia. Similarly, we expect that the drive to not interfere in the Middle East (except for stopping Zionist aggression with ceasefires) will also benefit millions by way of exporting multicultural religious ideals throughout the region, into Europe, and across the oceans.
Please note that this may be the last time we hear from Professor Kurgman, as he has decided to terminate such enjoyable activity as writing because "it is morally wrong to enjoy any activity and feel happy when others suffer."
It is wrong to be happy when children in Amerikkka are starving under the merciless forces of capitalism, when Zionists continue their extermination of the indigenous Sun People, when Republican Christian zealots are imposing a theocracy on us.
Instead, the Professor decided to join the world in its immense suffering and to suffer along with it and on behalf of all those others who are suffering. And we invite you, dear reader, to suffer with him. If you are moral, you will.
It is wrong to be happy when children in Amerikkka are starving under the merciless forces of capitalism, when Zionists continue their extermination of the indigenous Sun People, when Republican Christian zealots are imposing a theocracy on us.
Instead, the Professor decided to join the world in its immense suffering and to suffer along with it and on behalf of all those others who are suffering. And we invite you, dear reader, to suffer with him. If you are moral, you will.