9/8/2006, 2:00 pm
While former Iranian President Mohammad Khatami's visit to the land of The Great Satan is welcomed by all progressive sleeper cells inside this country, his message of tolerance and moderation has become an object of vicious attacks from such hate groups as the Episcopal Church, the Jewish Community Relations Council, and Massachusetts Governor Mitt Romney's office.
Khatami: Don't let the terminology confuse you. The so-called "liberal professors" of whom Iranian academia is being allegedly purged are not what you normally call "liberal professors" in America. I assure you that Ward Churchill types are NOT being thrown out of the windows of Tehran University these days.On the contrary, our schools are being purged of the malicious proponents of such hurtful Western notions as "reason," "objective reality," and "scientific integrity" - something the American academia has been successfully doing all along. That is why cultural dialogues are so important - they help clear up misunderstandings like these and realize that indeed, we are more alike than we are different.
The Kennedy School of Government issued a statement saying that despite Governor's order to state agencies to deny security for the Muslim cleric, Harvard's own police force will protect Khatami from any hooligan who might question the Mullah's role in the 1999 massacre of student protesters in Tehran.
"We can understand Romney's disagreement with Khatami in order to pander to his Islamophobic constituency," said Harvard's spokesperson Melody Feelgood. "We nonetheless believe that active and open dialogue with this country's self-created "enemies" is a critical part of an effective anti-American education of our students, especially on the eve of these very annoying jingoistic 9/11 ceremonies."
"Such cultural exchanges are bound to show just how much we have in common with the Iranian Mullahs," added a Harvard professor of Deconstructionist Philosophy. "Both their mullahs and our professors deny mind and reality as a source of knowledge, actively purge academia of heretics, work to impose our enlightened views on the ignorant populace, consider Israel an illegitimate entity, and want to see America ultimately defeated - and, if possible, destroyed. And, of course, we and they share a fervent, relentless, spiteful hatred for George W. Bush."
Mullah Khatami: If he's good enough for Chavez, he's good enough for Harvard!
The school campus is abuzz with preparations as many non-conformist student activists are putting together posters and placards saying We surrender! We're Sorry! Students For Civil Rights Welcome Khatami! We Switched Sides Long Time Ago! 444 Days Was Not Long Enough! Khatami for US President!
Both students and teachers will hold the placards as the Iranian Mullah delivers his speech titled "Ethics of Tolerance in the Age of Violence" at the school's John F. Kennedy Jr. Forum at 4 p.m. on Sunday.
"We haven't seen such display of diversity and tolerance since we invited Goebbels to speak on racial justice and the ethics of anti-Semitism," said Ms Feelgood as she wiped off a tear. "I wish Mullah Khatami could stay a little longer for the evening of reflections on the ethics of anal rape and non-violent approaches to child molestation, in which convicted child molesters will instruct students on the importance of respecting civil rights of child molesters."
