The People's Cube - Political Satire

Recent state-wide searches of preschoolers' lunchboxes have uncovered a high incidence of parent-prepared meals in violation of federal ruling on correct food. This raises concerns, as mommy-made lunches have been known to disrupt NEA-approved brain synapses in students, causing them to develop unauthorized traits of self-interest and personal responsibility.

An additional DOE-sponsored study has shown that home-made meals end up suppressing such UFT-recommended brain functions as guilt, envy, and the feeling of entitlement, which are crucial in developing such socially beneficial traits as concern for not taxing the rich enough and generosity in spending other people's money.

"The family is a repository of wrong ideas, archaic values, violence, perversity, and home cooking," says Michelle Obama, who has already made great strides in eliminating parental involvement in their children's lives. "Parents are the scum of history. Children must be removed from these scoundrels as early as possible and be taught correct facts and values by our Party-approved professionals."
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Following Michelle Obama's pristine example, today's school children have a role model for health in the First Lady, who encourages the consumption of kale and other organic vegetables, grown in the state garden.

A strong believer in zero-tolerance policy towards home-packed lunches, Mrs. Obama insists that young, blank-slate minds must be forced to develop state-approved meal habits, which include throwing away what their parents give them. "My husband Barack and I are working tirelessly to make sure that this vermin we call 'parents' is soon replaced with experts whose skill at social engineering will make the family a defunct nightmare," she says.



Alarmingly, a small group of dissident parents is still standing in the way of nutritional guidelines, claiming that "Michelle is a modern-day Marie Antoinette" with contradictory eating habits, offering as "evidence" the meals she has been seen eating over the past several months.

The following illegal graphic was discovered by the Obama Truth Team on a fringe right-wing hate group's message board. It has been instantly reported to the appropriate organs and a procedure has been initiated for its immediate removal. So if you will soon be unable to see the graphic below, you will know why.



Additional reporting and visual agitation by Mr. and Mrs. Red Square

Today it's home-made lunches. Tomorrow it's home-grown right-wing terrorism.

Comrade Olga, I offer Party Approval. Families are even more dangerous than unpasteurized, non-union milk.

Comrade People's Comrade, my comrade, you raise an interesting point. Why are these lunch making mothers not unionized? Why has SEIU and thier purple-shirted goons customer service representatives not paid attention to this opressed class of workers?

These women spend their morning packaging non-union sandwiches and twinkies for distribution worldwide, and who gets to eat chocolates and watch soap operas? Is this not an entitlement to which they are wrongfully denied?

How else can we get the Stazi to control the content of the offensive lunchbag if we can't control who loads the dammed things? Look for the Union Label, I say! Union membership should come with a marriage licence, and Card Check is the way to get it done!


Have a State-approved day, Comrade. You have agitated well.

This is very equal. And I still dig hot proletarian chicks with chainsaws.

Tovarichi, you have raised what may be a brilliant point, even for you. In the glorious people's collective of Michigan, SEIU is already exacting dues from greedy parents who try to usurp the rightful place of the state in raising "their" children:

Robert and Patricia Haynes take care of their two children, who at the ages of
30 and 34 are more like children in adult bodies. That's because they both have
cerebral palsy, and rely on their parents to feed and change them — and likely
will for the rest of their lives.

The Haynes family receives monthly checks from the state of Michigan through Medicaid, allowing the parents to care for their son and daughter themselves instead of institutionalizing them. But because a Michigan law classifies Robert and Patricia as “home health care
workers,” they are considered public workers and therefore automatic union
members — meaning the SEIU gets a $30 cut of the family's Medicaid subsidy as
union dues.

Why aren't we forcing unionization on these greedy parents who are refusing to pay their fair share of school lunch costs?

If these obdurate parents continue to stand in the way of human progress I think Kathleen Sibelius should dictate that all children are to be taken and raised by the State. This is a health issue and the government decides such things. We aren't living in anarchy, for goodness sake. If we don't nip this selfish bad paranting in the bud now we risk going back to the old days of cowboy, anything-goes, no rules at all sort of society that caused all of the social ills that have cost us so much in higher health care costs, crime, and astronomical budget deficits.

Every good bureaucratic system runs on forms, so it is the duty of the Party to provide uniform forms for bureaucrats. I submit the following draft for Party approval:

Dear __________________

As a parent of ____________________ currently enrolled in the _______________ school district, you must agree that the state knows better than you in regards to every aspect of your child's life. It has come to our attention that you are exhibiting defiance to the full assimilation of your child into the system by packing lunches at home for consumption on school grounds and during school hours. As such, you are taking on the role of a de facto cafeteria worker, and are therefor required to participate in the School Cafeteria-worker Union Mandate, a subsidiary of the Service Employees International Union. Since you are not a SCUM worker on school grounds, you will be required to accept School Cafeteria-worker Associate Membership and pay your dues to SCUM to enjoy the services provided by SCUM and the privilege of providing useful, approved meal options for your children.

Your SCAM payments to SCUM are now due for the coming school year. Your annual dues of $12,000 cover your SCAM membership in SCUM, a free SEIU T-Shirt suitable for wearing to political rallies, a subscription to the monthly newsletter, "SCUM RISES," the complete "FLATUS Guidelines to Complete School Nutrition" and your $500 contribution to the Obama 2012 SuperPac. Please note that the SuperPac contribution is optional, but opting out of the contribution will result in the assessment of a $23,513.12 processing fee on you SCAM dues, your name being placed on the "Special Watch" list, continual harassment of your children, and threatening anonymous phone calls between the hours of midnight and 4:00 a.m.

Dues are payable by cash, cashier's check or credit card, or for your convinience, you may simply provide us with your bank routing number and we will debit your savings automatically whenever a new dues assessment is levied or dues are arbitrarily increased.

Such an astronomical undertaking would require the previously available intelligence of NASA, the remains of which is now relegated to Mooslim relationships and self-esteem. Too late, comrade. You should have spoken up long ago.

Michelle Obama's Valentine Day erotic fantasy

Michelle Lets Governors Gorge on 2,000 Calorie Dinner

The White House Sunday epically failed to practice what its first lady preaches, serving the nation's governors a more than 2,000 calorie dinner even as Michelle Obama traverses the country promoting health eating.

The ruling class resides in parallel moralities. One moral universe is verbalized to the proletariat for karma creation and political expediency. The other morality is where they live. We could call it a Kennedy or Camelot morality. But the applicable options are endless: Clinton, Frank (well maybe not Frank) or Edwards moralities.

Michelle Obama is very concerned about what other people eat. Too bad she did not watch her own fat a$$.

Lest you forget, all you sniping idiots, Michelle does it for the children.

I have not seen a finer group of flesh since the Susan Fluke Invitational.