The People's Cube - Political Satire

WASHINGTON, DC (TPC) -- A purported audio recording by a Democrat chieftain vows to step up the group's fight against the GOP, saying, "We haven't had enough of your blood yet." The 20-minute recording was posted Friday on a Web site used by Democratic activists and the speaker is identified as Nancy Pelosi, who takes over leadership of the US Congress after Dennis Hastert resigns in January. Calling President Bush a "lame duck" the speaker tells Bush not to "run away as your lame defense secretary ran away," referring to Donald Rumsfeld, who resigned Wednesday.

"Come down to the Congress, you coward, we'll use you for target practice," the speaker on the tape says, adding that the Democrats will not stop their jihad "until we blow up the wicked house known as the White House."The speaker claims her army has 12,000 legal advisors, strategists, consultants, lawyers, columnists, White House Press Corps, Hollywood celebrities, and TV comedians, with thousands of Angry Left activists waiting in the wings to join them. She pledges those troops to the service of the Democratic Party, calling for the ACLU, NLG, NARAL, NAMBLA, International ANSWER, and other progressive groups to join with them. "We have to be unified by the righteous struggle, even though disagreements exist between us," said the voice on the tape.

The recording and its "far-fetched" claims came as the media announced resignations of Ken Mehlman and other Republican leaders after the six-year-old bloody siege by the Democrats, which has grown increasingly unpopular with the voters. The voice on the tape praised the Democratic victory, saying: "The American people have given us a mandate to dismantle their country." Experts consider the audio message to be an attempt to exact maximum propaganda benefit from the results of Tuesday's midterm elections.

White House spokesman Tony Snow said the Bush administration had no comment on the tape whose authenticity could not be verified.

In other news:

Victorious Angry Left activists pull down Bush's statue in Washington, search for mass graves and concentration camps, place bounty on Rumsfeld's head, release a deck of cards with suspected Republican leaders, gather in droves to tear down the wall on the Mexico border... Stay tuned...

Comrades,
This concerns me deeply. Whoever leaked this tape is obviously a counter-revolutionary traitor to the People's Democratic Supreme Soviet Party. How can Stalin's concept of the 'Big Lie' come to fruition if our internal security services fail to purge those reactionary elements bent on exposing State secrects and mandates? We must spare no effort, no amount of blood, no tax-payer monies in purging these 'truth-mongering' subversives from our midst. The Proletariat must never know the means of salvation conducted on their behalf by the Party thusly, it is imperative that Party rhetoric retain the public face of passive neutrality. I implore you comrades, join me in rededicating ourselves to the Marxist-Leninist Glorious Revolution! Renounce and denounce any ideals or individuals who would usurp the Grand Visionary's Worker's Paradise! I entreat you to make a list of ten to one hunred personss guilty of crimes against the Party. These will be presented to Comrade Chairwoman Pelosi; execution to immediately follow. JUSTICE IS AT HAND FOR THE COUNTLESS VICTIMS OF THE REPUBLICAN REGIME! THE STAIN OF DEMOCRACY AND THE LAISSEZ FAIRE FREE-MARKET SYSTEM WILL BE WASHED IN THE BLOOD OF ITS IMPERIALIST PERPETRATORS!

The moderates on the Supreme Court have already accomplished the Jihad.
<br>What's equally as important an issue is The Party's decision on the dispute between Profressor Kurgman and me as to whether AmeriKKKa has become AmeriKa or AmeriKKa.

And I am surprised that I have not seen this question raised here (perhaps I missed it), but have Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid and Dick Durbin been compromised?

Where the hell do these tapes come from anyway?

Dearest Comrade Chimp PhD(2),

I cannot speak on behalf of all members within the Politburo on your insistence that AmeriKKKa becomes AmeriKKa, but I can speak on behalf of those who have the power to make you disappear in a most painful, tormenting and embarrassing manner. This troubles me comrade Chimp, I am troubled that someone would actually engage in an argument with Professor Kurgman. He is not someone to argue with, he is not someone to challenge and more importantly, he is prolier than thou. Enough said, the fact remains the People have initiated the first phase of wealth-redistribution, equal rights for everything, weaker national defense and the overall healing of the abrasive divisions within our soon to be socialist nirvana ( we ARE turning states blue!). With that said, I must give the rubberstamp to Professor Kurgman that AmeriKKKa is now Amerika and will soon (with the coronation of Her Excellency) be referred to as The Socialist Republics of Her Excellency H.R.C.

I salute you for your diligence and professionalism for the Common Good™,

Chairman Meowsevich S. Punchenko

It took some digging in the Party Archives, but I found this:


Dear Nancy Pelosi,
I applaud your efforts against the Great Satan that is George Bush. As you know, we in the Brotherhood of Islam seek to rid the Planet of this scourge against humanity. My Spiritual Adviser Grigori tells me to expect great things from you. Please let me know if there's anything I can do to help.

Your Friend in the Great Struggle,
Mahmoud

P.S. - Say hello to all my friends at the People's Cube and please stop by my Palace if you get a chance. I've got a special missile I would love to show you.

Ah, this must have been stuffed in the back of the Letters from Ahmadinejad archive. Good find comrade.

All Hail Dear Mahmoud!

Aqua Velva Jad.