The People's Cube - Political Satire

MOSCOW — A meteor streaked across the sky above Russia's Ural Mountains on Friday morning, causing sharp explosions and reportedly injuring around 100 people, including many hurt by broken glass. Fragments of the meteor fell in a thinly populated area of the Chelyabinsk region, the Emergency Ministry said in a statement. Kolsenikov also said about 600 square meters (6000 square feet) of a roof at a zinc factory had collapsed.

What the world agencies are not reporting is that the Russian voices recorded off-camera on all the videos are using exactly the same uniform expressions, roughly translated into English as "OH F--K! F--K ME! WHAT THE F--K!

UPDATE: The more recent versions of the videos have been censored, but the ones embedded earlier on The Blaze speak the truth!

Laika the Space Dog declined comment, stating only that a correct, Party-approved view of the event shall be transmitted soon to all tinfoil-hat subscribers. In the meantime, feel free to post your favorite conspiracy theories below.

They must have scrubbed the audio already. Can't hear a thing

UPDATE: The more recent versions of the videos have been censored, but the ones embedded earlier on The Blaze speak the truth!

In the meantime, the first theories explaining this phenomenon begin to surface:

It is likely the re-entry of the spacecraft reported by Comrade Putout:

Here in the American south, we would have stretched the four letters to six and put it in two syllables.

Anyer Marx wrote:It is likely the re-entry of the spacecraft reported by Comrade Putout.

We need to establish Asteroid-Free school zones to prevent this from happening again.

State-approved legitimate media, as usual, provides us with the korrect answer: asteroids result from global warming!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=p ... -QA-jlbRqY

This whole thing was caused by Global Warming. What a lot of people don't know--because the GW denial industry spends millions to cover it up--is that all the carbon in Earth's atmosphere attracts meteors and asteroids. And because the polar ice is melting, the poles are now exposed thus creating an excess of magnetism that draws the meteors toward the planet, and one day, the big asteroid that will destroy all of civilization.

And I'm not just making this up, either.

Global warming softens atmosphere to asteroids.

I'll need a bigger hard drive to save and re-post Comrade Putout images....

OR...this could be a message from another galaxy to call our attention to gun violence and the need for more gun control.

Think about it. In The Day the Earth Stood Still, they sent a flying saucer and Gork to warn us about the evils of nuclear proliferation.

In Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home, they sent probes to warn us about the evils of not doing enough to save the whales and other non-human entities.

I'm sure there are other examples, but since I'm not a total nerd or geek and I've gone out on dates, those are the two examples with which I'm most familiar.

So someone out there could be sending us a message to warn us about the evils of not doing enough to address our gun violence crisis! And what more effective message than a giant projectile shooting towards us at tens of thousands of miles an hour, just like a bullet?

And lest any of you comrades scoff, I'll bet a case of fine Putinka vodka I could get Paul Krugman to back me up on this.

Although such things have always foretold doom throughout recorded history, I am sure that this one is the exception and signals great things from our Dear Leader!

Commissarka Pinkie wrote:This whole thing was caused by Global Warming. What a lot of people don't know--because the GW denial industry spends millions to cover it up--is that all the carbon in Earth's atmosphere attracts meteors and asteroids. And because the polar ice is melting, the poles are now exposed thus creating an excess of magnetism that draws the meteors toward the planet, and one day, the big asteroid that will destroy all of civilization.

And I'm not just making this up, either.

Quite so. We all know that ice is impenetrable by magnetic fields or gravity. We know this because GW advocates tell us it is so. I'm still not clear though on how these fields penetrate our tinfoil hats and allow messages from Laika to reach the Masses. Oh, well...There is still much to learn.

Wow. Just wow. I'm glad it didn't land. We still don't know where it came from!