I have just received this new email from the Obama campaign:
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TO: Red Square, People's Director
Subject: SAY NO TO BRAIN INEQUALITY! Support Obama's efforts to redistribute brains.
Dear Brainless Supporter--
We know you don't have a brain because you signed up for our mailing list and have donated $3 every time we asked for it.
Did you know that in recent years the brain gap in America hasn't decreased, but has reached catastrophic proportions? While some people have amassed more brain power than they'll ever need, millions of others have never developed an ounce of gray matter and have to rely on the crumbs of small thoughts and ideas that the brainiacs throw at them whenever they feel like it.
It's a shame that in the richest country of the world some people go around flashing their fancy scientific calculators, while people like you must take off their socks every time they need to count to twenty.
This brain disparity can end soon, but we need your help.
The President has started a brain redistribution project called BRAIN Initiative, in order to map the human brain so we can have a better idea of how better to redistribute it from the haves to the have-nots.
Contact Congress via email, Facebook, and Twitter with your demand of equal brains for all. Tell them to support the President's BRAIN FAIRNESS agenda and bridge the brain gap by funding a comprehensive brain redistribution program that would make all excessive individual thinking a felony punishable by heavy fines and/or imprisonment.
To make this dream a reality, all we need to do is pay a little more in taxes. It's only fair to ask those individuals who think over their average quota to purchase brain credits, which will finance the President's initiative, with the remainder to be fairly distributed among the needy and the unthinking who currently rely on the government to do all the thinking for them.
Let's be realistic: true equality cannot exist without brain equality. Only when no one is too smart or too slow can we finally achieve the desired equality of outcomes. Have you ever given up on solving the Rubik's Cube and hated those who can did it in under a minute? Now imagine a conceptually different Cube - the People's Cube - with every side having the exact same color. Let's say that color is red. With all squares equal, all players become equal as well. This is what the President would like to achieve on a national scale as well.
Unfortunately, he was unable to accomplish it during his first term because of the obstructionist Republican Congress and the legacy of the previous administration. But with your support, we can send them a strong signal about where Americans stand on this issue.
The only way we can have more brains is if we get together and fight for brain fairness. This may be your last chance.
Support this effort by buying the People's Cube now - for a low price of 21.99 at the
People's Dry Goods Store. Hurry while supplies last!
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