The People's Cube - Political Satire

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The Democratic Party wants all comrades to have a voice in its Platform process.

SUBMIT TESTIMONY TO THE DEMOCRATIC PLATFORM

Our goal is to make this year's platform process the most representative and inclusive in history.

We welcome your input and invite you to contribute now. Please submit all written and video testimony by June 18th.

Democrats value substance, ideas and diversity and we hope you will help us ensure that our platform incorporates the best the Party has to offer!

We at the People's Cube believe that our kollektive is uniquely positioned to contribute the most korrekt testimonies. Post them here in the comments and don't forget to submit the same to DemConvention.com.

Plagiarizing Marx, Engels, Lenin, Stalin, Trotsky, Mao, Chavez, Che Guevara, or any of the People's Cube articles is strongly encouraged.

We believe in a society where everyone is equal and there are no rich capitalist to effect it. A utopia where animals and humans work together and never above each other. We do not hold any discrimination by state rules. Our platform shall not be made out of mined material, and shall include nature as one of the themes we hold dear. We shall emphasis that nudists at work shall not be discriminated for their practices, and everyone will have a healthy amount of vodka according to head distributor.

We believe everyone shall have a picture of their leader, and the country's communist founders in their house at state specified location so they can prostrate themselves in front of them.

We believe that you need not to think for yourself and others shall think for you. We encourage the mob mentality since individualism is a dangerous path to self-indulgences and liberty. We must collect as much as we can to prevent resource scarcity and logistic problems even if it is not needed.

I fear that if we do not continue on our path, people would want to be different from each other and seek self-preservation over sacrificing self to preserve the collective.

For this democrat testimony, we told all of our undocumented illegal immigrants to use our Democrat neighbors, friends, congressperson, etc. numbers and addresses to provide information about their testimonies. If they could not think of an ending, we gave them a phrase. ‘Generous occupiers vilified on their effort to run universal manufacturing positions.'

Comrades, I tried to testify in a written way to the Almighty Democratic party, but they asked for an address. I'm living on the street, so I don't have an address. I thought that the Democratic Party was everywhere, that we could bow our heads and talk to it at any time, but I guess this isn't so. Then I thought to testify in a visual, video way, but then again I couldn't, because they insisted on Skype and a computer. I can't install jack squat on these library computers, let alone Skype and a webcam driver! And to think I wasted 500 feet of the library's Super 8 film just to find out they don't take it. Then I thought that I could at least show up and testify in the cathedral, the convention hall, but then again they asked for an address! The ReThugliKKKans might be homophobic, but the Democrats, I fear, are even worse - they're hobophobic.

Socialized healthcare - The best thing I can think of right now for testimony is how my insurance premiums jumped up about 375% this past year. I'm wondering if we can incorporate this same hyper-inflation into my mortgage somehow without any of it going to pay down the principal? I have too much money and the way the democrat party takes it from me and redistributes it is just wonderful, thanks a lot.

Comrade Stierlitz wrote:Comrades, I tried to testify in a written way to the Almighty Democratic party, but they asked for an address. I'm living on the street, so I don't have an address. I thought that the Democratic Party was everywhere, that we could bow our heads and talk to it at any time, but I guess this isn't so. Then I thought to testify in a visual, video way, but then again I couldn't, because they insisted on Skype and a computer. I can't install jack squat on these library computers, let alone Skype and a webcam driver! And to think I wasted 500 feet of the library's Super 8 film just to find out they don't take it. Then I thought that I could at least show up and testify in the cathedral, the convention hall, but then again they asked for an address! The ReThugliKKKans might be homophobic, but the Democrats, I fear, are even worse - they're hobophobic.

Well comrade, if you know any Democrat, use their address and number. I am sure they would freely give it to someone. Republicans on the other hand, not so much.

Thirty days paid medical leave for butthurt.

I propose the following planks for the platform:

1. Community. We are part of a collective of people, not individuals. We are not smart enough to make decisions for ourselves or determine what is best for us. Only with a benevolent government official overseeing our daily lives can we achieve happiness, and only a benevolent government can set the standards of happy.

2. Prosperity. We need to pull together under the benevolent yoke of our leaders in the same Progressive direction to the perfect society in which nobody is poor, which means everyone is rich. Only government can produce prosperity, so the more government we have, the greater the prosperity will be. We need political advisers installed at every level of production to insure that everyone is contributing their fair share of effort and receiving their fair share of prosperity. Only a benevolent government can determine what is a fair share of prosperity.

3. Safety. Hardly a day goes by without some example of a horrendous crime involving a firearm in this country. In much the same way that individuals are not capable of making decisions for themselves, individuals are also not responsible enough to possess a firearm. The mere possession of a firearm leads to an immediate psychotic break and results in mass shootings. Only the benevolent government should have access to firearms, as only the benevolent government can decide whether or not the use of a firearm is warranted.

4. Security. We live in a dangerous world and there are a lot of people who hate this country. We agree that most of the problems in the world have been caused by the nationalist policies of the United States. The best way to insure national security is to eliminate the differences between the United States and the rest of the world. We must throw open our borders and welcome new citizens and new ideas from around the globe. We must reduce our greedy levels of consumption and establish a standard of living on par with the global median. And we must apologize for the wrongs we have done by dismantling the military-industrial complex that has caused so much envy, retaining a force sufficient only to insure the continuance of the benevolent government that manages our sure-to-be-improving relations with the global community.

5. Stability. This has been a contentious political season. We have seen protests turn violent and political rallies disrupted by howling mobs. But why have these things happened? Because we allow them to. Envision a nation with but a single political party, a single political purpose. Imagine the Progress we could make if the wrong-headed and wrong-hearted were excised from the body politic and put to wholesome labor on behalf of the community. With the correct benevolent government in charge, there will be no need for these expensive, divisive political contests in the future. We thus call for the creation of the single-party state.

Red Square wrote:Our goal is to make this year's platform process the most representative and inclusive in history.

We welcome your input and invite you to contribute now. Please submit all written and video testimony by June 18th.

Now, how can it possibly be "inclusive" when only written or video testimony will be accepted?

How is poor Comrade Betinov possibly going to write anything, or even set up a video camera? He has no arms, no hands, not even a mouth to speak with.

This is very able-ist, and extremely unfair to all brains living in jars, if you ask me.

Mikhail Lysenkomann wrote:

Red Square wrote:Our goal is to make this year's platform process the most representative and inclusive in history.

We welcome your input and invite you to contribute now. Please submit all written and video testimony by June 18th.

Now, how can it possibly be "inclusive" when only written or video testimony will be accepted?

How is poor Comrade Betinov possibly going to write anything, or even set up a video camera? He has no arms, no hands, not even a mouth to speak with.

This is very able-ist, and extremely unfair to all brains living in jars, if you ask me.

Hey! You're disenfranchising Betinov! You ought to know that under Party directive 66.6X4 that Betinov and all brain-in-jarred people is entitled to a computer-controlled pen, a video simulation not unlike Steven Hawking's voice simulation, and a surgery to install the necessary interfacing equipment for both of the devices. This doesn't show the brain-ism of the Holy Democratic Party, it shows the brain-ism of YOU!

Chairman Meow wrote:WHEREAS Thomas Jefferson is to said to have claimed that "dissent is the highest form of patriotism," and

WHEREAS, the Democrat Party is the successor to the party of Jefferson,

THEREFORE a general pardon shall be granted to all protestors at Trump rallies for all crimes up to and including mass genocide.

Chairman Meow,

Outstanding. Furthermore, I propose Congress be instructed to commission the creation of the Patriot's Heart Medal - to be awarded to patriots who are emotionally scarred gender adjectiving the siege line. Come to think of it, mechanisms should be put into place to attend to the longterm needs of those that suffered disabilities serving the State. An underutilized infrastructure is already in place that can be rolled into the all-inclusive Patriots Administration.

Comrade Biff

Ivan Betinov wrote:I propose the following planks for the platform...

So, brainiac Comrade Betinov did already the Grand Sweep. Yet the periphery remains terra incognita, open to all progressively dreaming minds of the world ! jar or no jar - unite !

In the Category of nano-contribution, chapter Equality, a Prog-ram :

● Total equality of all constants, NOW !
How can it be, that Archimedean pi (3.141..) postures as "greater than" Eulerian e (2.718..) ??? And then think of all other constans - the Planck μ-thing, the Hubble expandor, and Goracle's CC - the Climate Constant, that famous 97% of consensus ! Progressively forcing all constants to be equal would make it much easier for the masses - all over the world - to learn them ! Even wymyn could then learn all them !

And think of the resulting progress, historically unprecedented : all those roads and bridges, all the infrastructure - totally equal ! Architecture, vehicles, food - all equal, because all them based on those constants, now finally equalized !

As for the methods to achieve TotEqCon, ample experience is on-hand. From Rousseau's "equal constants will be forced to be equal", through Lenin's "breaking constants' eggs to make an equal omelet", to Our Glorious Leader's Elkhart Declaration "I-i-i-if — i-i-if — if — if — if — if — if — if we — if we fall for, y'know, a — a — a bunch of (pause) okie-doke — (smattering of laughter) — just because, i-i-i-it... (gagging) y'know, it, uhhh... (gagging) y'know, i-i-i-i-it — it sounds (pause) funny or the tweets are (pause) provocative, then we're not gonna build on the [constant] progress that we started." (Elkhart-transcript by Maha Rushie.)

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P.S. The software behind DemConvention.com is flexible enough to accept Kyrgyzstan (so Kazakhstan remains untouched !) / AE (me sitting here in Europe, Krautlandia) / plus colorful details like kinda Mostapha Mostaphovich (so Borat remains available !), plus real email-address.

P.P.S. Got right this very moment a TransAtlantic transmission (Krautlandia here) from [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], says : Be part of the official 2016 DNC platform: https://my.democrats.org/Your-Platform-Ideas. Just a raw textbox, wants email + zip only.

P.P.S. Looks like that shtick - "masses" getting "real" say in "platform-planking" - is a pretty global "brand new" invention of red-colored campa-operatives. Anyway, here in Krautlandia, uh, Dshermany, vee haf dse ikvol phenomen - dse Soushialists now telling dse masses : yu gif us yur input, bitte, bitte, bikoz yu are sou dse important our masses, ant vee haf yur back ant vee kan hear yu ant vee feel dse yur pain, yu knof. Ant all dset bikoz dse masses now go to dse "Nazi" AfD, ikvolly like dse Amerykan masses now go to dse "Nazi" Trump.

By request, the DNC would like to support the lgbt and otherkin allowing them to propose, kiss, or come out of the closet on their platform. Non-humans are in high demand to give a testimony for the DNC.

Good news for skype comrades! Are you concerned about those bad hair days or your troubles with self-identification? Then look no further and take someone's' credit card, because there is a program that will help your ails.

From the beginning, I've tried to push the idea that I shouldn't have to come up with ideas. It's hard, and I don't want to do it. Someone else should do it. But I should still get my rations. Is there some way to incorporate a "it's hard, and I don't wanna" plank?

Hammer and Loupe wrote:By request, the DNC would like to support the lgbt and otherkin allowing them to propose, kiss, or come out of the closet on their platform. Non-humans are in high demand to give a testimony for the DNC.

Good news for skype comrades! Are you concerned about those bad hair days or your troubles with self-identification? Then look no further and take someone's' credit card, because there is a program that will help your ails.

Comrade H&L,

I'm really glad our young comrades are spending their spare time imitating cartoon characters and barnyard animals rather than learning to reason or - worse,... think! <spit> This device gives me renewed hope for the future. Thanks for posting the link.

I propose this device be available FREE to all young comrades, i.e., at no charge!

Comrades! I was sent an email about what to wear if you show up at the event. There were many examples of such attire. Here are a few examples.




They even include the Otherkin.