4/4/2017, 11:07 pm
[img]/images/various_uploads/McCain_Kremlin_Trump_Conspiracy.jpg[/img]
In a new bid to reaffirm his relevance by opposing a Republican president, Senator John McCain has added his voice to the growing chorus demanding an investigation into Russian election tampering.
"Look," said the senator from Arizona, "we all know about the Russian hackers stealing the election because it's in every news cycle, and all the major networks keep repeating it. Opinion polls of people who depend on CNN think Russians stole the election, and we can't just pretend the evidence isn't there."
When asked how Russian entities stole the election, many politicians simply reiterate that they know it happened, and that's good enough.
"But not for me," said the maverick senator. "I want facts, and what I and my staff have uncovered is positively chilling. The Russians set up the Electoral College to steal the election from the American people. Lookit, nobody even heard of the Electoral College before this election, and the Russians never even thought about spying on America until Trump told them to in a press conference. We just put two and two together and got eleven, I mean, four."
Perhaps among the most disturbing facts unearthed by McCain's investigation is that James Madison, known for his inside information of the Electoral College, appointed John Quincy Adams, a future president, to be ambassador to Russia.
"We know for a fact," McCain continued, "that Adams met with Tsar Alexander I who said he wanted, and I quote, 'to contribute to the increase of their friendly relations.' Now what else could that possibly mean other than to give the election to Trump by cancelling out the popular vote?"
When told that The People's Cube, America's most trusted and most equal news source, ran a piece briefly explaining the history and purpose of the Electoral College, McCain simply waived his hand dismissively. "Fake news," he said with a smirk and a roll of the eyes.
In other news, Rachel Maddow is teasing her audience by promising to unveil leaked documents called "The Federalist Papers" which she claims are the secret work of an all male cult called the Founding Fathers. The documents, according to Maddow, reveal a conspiracy by the Founding Fathers to hand Trump the election against the will of Hillary voters through a system called the Electoral College.
In a new bid to reaffirm his relevance by opposing a Republican president, Senator John McCain has added his voice to the growing chorus demanding an investigation into Russian election tampering.
"Look," said the senator from Arizona, "we all know about the Russian hackers stealing the election because it's in every news cycle, and all the major networks keep repeating it. Opinion polls of people who depend on CNN think Russians stole the election, and we can't just pretend the evidence isn't there."
When asked how Russian entities stole the election, many politicians simply reiterate that they know it happened, and that's good enough.
"But not for me," said the maverick senator. "I want facts, and what I and my staff have uncovered is positively chilling. The Russians set up the Electoral College to steal the election from the American people. Lookit, nobody even heard of the Electoral College before this election, and the Russians never even thought about spying on America until Trump told them to in a press conference. We just put two and two together and got eleven, I mean, four."
Perhaps among the most disturbing facts unearthed by McCain's investigation is that James Madison, known for his inside information of the Electoral College, appointed John Quincy Adams, a future president, to be ambassador to Russia.
"We know for a fact," McCain continued, "that Adams met with Tsar Alexander I who said he wanted, and I quote, 'to contribute to the increase of their friendly relations.' Now what else could that possibly mean other than to give the election to Trump by cancelling out the popular vote?"
When told that The People's Cube, America's most trusted and most equal news source, ran a piece briefly explaining the history and purpose of the Electoral College, McCain simply waived his hand dismissively. "Fake news," he said with a smirk and a roll of the eyes.
In other news, Rachel Maddow is teasing her audience by promising to unveil leaked documents called "The Federalist Papers" which she claims are the secret work of an all male cult called the Founding Fathers. The documents, according to Maddow, reveal a conspiracy by the Founding Fathers to hand Trump the election against the will of Hillary voters through a system called the Electoral College.
